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Huge Mixed Signals

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This topic contains 95 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Stephen 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #852676 Reply
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    Stephen

    So, I reconnected recently with a woman I knew 15 years ago. Back in the day we were pretty close: she was always hanging out with me and my friends, sometimes she’d sleep over, and sometimes we would fool around, etc. I always felt like she wanted more but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t really pursue it. Now 15 years later we find each again. So she proceeds to tell me how madly in love with me she was 15 years ago and that I broke her heart when I started dating another girl. She says over and over how in love with me she was and how much she has missed me over the past 15 years. And how much she has worried about me and how glad she is to talk to me and how many pictures she has of me, etc. etc. I think well that’s nice to know I guess but what does it matter now? She then says “…and I’m still not OK because I missed you 15 years ago.” So, I respond with “what do you want to do about that now?” She then drops a bomb and says well I can’t do anything I have a boyfriend.” What in the world!? Does anybody have any insight on this one?

    Thanks

    #852677 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    She’s crazy. Steer clear.

    #852679 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Run!

    #852680 Reply
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    FYI

    She’s trying to see if you felt the same way at all, or if you could feel the same way about her now. Your response — “what do you want me to do about it?” — essentially closed that door, because if you had even a spark, even a miniscule amount of interest in her, then you would’ve responded in a gentler, at least flirtatious way.

    If someone is pouring it on like that, and your answer is basically “so what?” — then of course she’s gonna back away (“I have a boyfriend”) and not pursue you. She was looking for a green light from you, and you gave her a … not even a red light… a No Parking or Keep Out sign.

    #852681 Reply
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    FYI

    ??? I don’t see her as crazy at all. It’s very obvious to me.

    #852682 Reply
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    Stephen

    I told her I liked her too and that I wanted to pursue a relationship with her now. She said she did too. I even told her I liked her back in the day but wasn’t sure how she felt and that she should have said something. Then the next day she says she has a boyfriend and can’t do anything about it. But she gave me her number (we were talking on instagram) and says she wants to go hiking with me.

    #852683 Reply
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    Stephen

    Just curious, FYI, are you a guy or girl? I’m wanting the female’s perspective on all this.

    #852688 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    I’m a woman, and I think it sounds like she’s signaling that she’s open to an emotional and/or physical affair. She is sending you mixed signals by saying she can’t do anything about these feelings but also giving you her number and wanting to spend time together. If she was a good person, she’d either leave her boyfriend for you, or she’d realize this is dangerous and cut all contact with you. Instead, she’s opening herself up to more contact with you, so she can fool herself into thinking she didn’t mean to cheat and just got passively swept up in the connection between you two.

    If you were really the love of her life, she’d have broken up with her boyfriend as soon as you told her you feel the same way. Instead she wants to use you, either for the attention and ego boost, or as a distracting from something that’s wrong in her life that she doesnt want to face, or both. Don’t hang out with her, not even just “as friends.” She’s bad news.

    #852689 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    I hope you have the sense to run. Far and fast.

    This isn’t mixed signals. This is a drama queen doing her thing, with a little bit of possible instability thrown in. She tells you that she wants you and she’s “still not OK” because you didn’t ask her out 15 years ago, and then in the next breath says, “oh, but I have a boyfriend, so nah.” And THEN offers to cheat on her boyfriend with you.

    As I said….run.

    #852690 Reply
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    peggy

    I am thinking if you wanted her “back in the day” but was” not sure how she felt”-you could have asked her/asked her out properly. So,why didn’t you? Either you were not that into her or you are passive and wait around for direction from others..
    I agree that she is still interested in pursuing something. If you want to do that,tell her that, but make it clear while she is in a relationship,any dating between the two of you is off limits.
    Hiking,hanging as “friends” is a recipe for disaster. Too many ways it could go wrong,with hurt happening on one or both sides. I think either you figure out how the “relationship” can be rekindled or go no contact. Plus,just because she thought she was in love with you years ago,does not mean a relationship will work now or she will “love”who you really are now and vice versa.

    #852691 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    I agree that it sounds like she’s seeing if you’re open to some kind of affair.

    #852692 Reply
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    Stephen

    Lucidity,

    That is the best insight I have heard on this. And, I think it is what is really going on. Thank you very much for your response!

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