LanaJuly 12, 2018 at 1:58 pm #762420
Thank you guys for the responses. I confronted him yesterday again about Grindr he got so mad he called me psycho and crazy. I’m so disgusted by him and I feel sort for our son he will have to go through a lot of stress because he really loves him. I’m pretty sure my husband will blame me for the divorce and all his family will think that I’m a bit**h.golfer.galJuly 12, 2018 at 2:26 pm #762424
I mean, if he wants to blame you then…ok. Just explain to anyone who asks that you know he downloaded and used an app for gay men to hook up. Watching him splutter out denials of that should tell people all they need to know. His behavior is appalling. Not only has he lied and cheated, he is now trying to gaslight you and saying horrible things to you to try to force you back to suffering in silence. How truly selfish and pathetic.
Before you tell him it’s truly over for good, please consult with a lawyer and do good research on getting a divorce. You will want to have copies of all your financial statements, his W2s, bank account statements, records of expenses for your kids, a copy of the marriage certificate, and a lot of other stuff. You may also need to open a new bank account and be prepared to transfer money into it just before telling him if you are concerned he will try to cut you off or hide your joint assets. Get your ducks in a row, consult with a few good attorneys before choosing one and paying the retainer, and have a solid plan in place for when you divorce (are you going to ask him to leave the residence? Are you going to leave? Etc). Also, if you can, download copies of his browser history and take screenshots of his phone and grindr activity. Doing these things before he suspects you’re leaving will make your life a lot easier. Also, get tested right away for all STDs, hepatitis, and HIV. Unfortunately there is no telling how many partners your husband has been with. I’m sorry this is happening. And even though it hurts, your children are so much better with a strong mother who wouldn’t settle for a lying, gaslighting snake. And maybe one day your husband will find the guts to be who he truly is instead of hurting his innocent family.JDJuly 12, 2018 at 2:27 pm #762425
Better to be the bitch than the woman who is having sex with someone else. I love how cheaters will throw it back to the other person. Yes I am crazy because I saw you chatting with other men on a sex website. EYEROLL!! Heck if someone said I was a bitch for leaving him I’d reply with the details. I am sure he doesn’t want them to know the truth.LanaJuly 12, 2018 at 2:32 pm #762427
He is 31. He is not religious.Ruby TuesdayJuly 12, 2018 at 2:35 pm #762429
Just because your husband thinks he can control the narrative with his family does not mean that you are obligated to help him conceal his behavior. Your husband can blame you all he wants for the divorce, but you were not the one caught browsing a hookup app on a daily basis.
If someone asks you why you and your husband are divorcing, answer honestly. You don’t even need to share details, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to lie on his behalf.LanaJuly 12, 2018 at 2:42 pm #762430
He deleted everything the second I found out about it. I took screenshots but he deleted them from my phone recently, I was so stupid and didn’t email them to myself. We both have to move out and find new places. I still have done it yet because I’m worried that I won’t survive financially, I have so many expenses. And he is so irresponsible about money so he is not going to think how I’m gonna pay my bills. I doubt he will be able o give me any money because he is financially irresponsible.
Yikes. So, yeah, your husband is gay, or at least interested in cheating on you (if he hasn’t already) with men.
If you deleted the screenshots recently, are they in your deleted photos folder?
Staying because you’re worried about finances is not a great solution. Do you work? Are there expenses you can cut back on? Do you have family you can move in with temporarily? Can you afford to move out if you move in with roommates? Do you guys have a joint savings account? If I were married and contemplating divorce, I’d take half of what’s in joint savings on my way out.
ETA: My dad is gay and came out to my mom when I was 9. My mom never left him, though some of that had to do with her options as a non-citizen at the time. Their marriage got worse and worse, and is now one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. Your kid will likely be fa-haaar more messed up growing up around a dysfunctional marriage than he will be if you two split and co-parent to the best of your abilities.LanaJuly 12, 2018 at 2:58 pm #762432
I don’t think I mentioned in my previous post but when I found out about Grindr I also found empty bags from cocaine in his car. So he was doing drugs at that time.LanaJuly 12, 2018 at 3:09 pm #762435
It’s so hard to believe in all of that. My husband could never even see when 2 guys kiss. It’s such a shock that he had an interest to go on Grindr and do who knows what. I don’t have any family here, my family is in another country. It’s just me an my son. We don’t have savings account my husband was always financially irresponsible. I opened my own account recently but I just have a little bit of money, didn’t have time to save.
When I married him he was different and super young. I though by the time he turns 30 he will change but it never happend he changed for the worse.
I’m not a techie genius but deletion of photos etc isn’t as permanent as you’d first believe. It maybe saved to the iCloud or some other way. So please find someone who super technical either over the internet or via techie friends to see if the photos can be retrieved. And sorry but either way get out of marriage.