Husband who needs advice
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HusbandwhoneedsadviceFebruary 3, 2025 at 5:39 pm #1134660
I am husband who needs advice. my wife was recently diagnosed with mild clinical depression and is on antidepressants. I think she kept having these episodes since the birth of our second child 3 years ago when she would either just function through the day without talking to anyone or sometimes just stay in bed scrolling her phone, not talking to anyone, ignoring calls/messages from people. She also started letting go of her personal appearance. sometimes she would even skip brushing her teeth. (she drinks a lot of water so her breath never smells though). However, now she is doing her best to get back to her previous self, exercising, trying to stay away from triggers etc. She has expressed to me that being with my family is a ‘trigger’ for her and that their perfect life causes her to sink into a depressive state. She has explicitly told me that she doesn’t want to visit them ever but is totally ok with me visiting them with our kids. Our kids love visiting them and their cousins. How should I react, I am really sad to have the family permanently split into two like this and spending time with my sister’s family & my mom without her doesn’t seem like a good idea, esp since I can’t really share her thoughts with them. At the same time, I want to support her and be there for her. What would you advise?
BecBoo84February 5, 2025 at 12:13 pm #1134685It’s possible she may change her mind in the future. It sounds like she was in a pretty deep depression for years (inability to consistently get out of bed when you have young children is significant) and has only recently started treatment. Depression is very hard on a marriage. I hope you’re able to continue being a supportive partner while also meeting your own needs.
NikemomFebruary 5, 2025 at 4:19 pm #1134686You didn’t really mention if your wife is on anti-derpressants or seeing a Dr. or therapist. I think if it is temporary then yes do see your family without her. Is it only your family that “triggers” her??!. But if this is on going.. say longer than 6 months then she needs real help. meaning she needs to talk through her issues with a professional and not just avoid them. You could both benefit from counselling. You might want to talk to her doctor to see what else the both of you can do together. Avoidance long term is not the answer.
HusbandwhoneedsadviceFebruary 6, 2025 at 1:49 am #1134687Thank you. Yes she has been seeing a therapist for a while and has only recently started antidepressants. She used to go through a day or two long episodes of just being in bed and crying that would probably happen once in a month or two. She does have other triggers like other people and i have no issues if she wants to avoid certain people. But this is my family im talking about. She has never liked my side of the family and always tried to avoid them but now with her depression diagnosis I feel like i don’t have a choice but to side with her/support her decision. But i agree that avoidance cannot be the permanent solution.
HeartsMumFebruary 8, 2025 at 12:23 am #1134711Hmmm. Rather than framing this as a permanent situation, why don’t you just take it one visit at a time? If your wife was recovering from a physical illness, you might say, let’s give Mom a quiet day and visit Grandma/Grandpa, kids! Of course, packing the kids up and going off to relatives is a big kerfuffle, and maybe you wish your wife was involved. This is such a small part of your family life—or it should be. And if you want to bring your family of origin together with your nuclear family, find another way to do it aside from immersing you all in their ‘perfect’ life. Plan a trip somewhere fun for a day so you’re on neutral ground, plan a picnic in summer.
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