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Husband would rather watch porn than to have sex with me! What to do?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Husband would rather watch porn than to have sex with me! What to do?

This topic contains 17 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar Hazel 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 18 total)
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  • #753705 Reply
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    Lisa

    I’m new here and thought I try it out. I’m having some problems with my sex life. My husband of 2 years (been together for 3 years total) expresses he wants to spice up our sex life by having a third party involved. A threesome with another female. I’m not into this idea whatsoever. So our sex life isn’t like it used to be. Our usual is about 3 times a week and now its maybe once a week. I have bought toys…dressed up for him… I’ve even done things with him in new places. So in my opinion, its not that boring! So more recently he has been watching porn instead of having sex with me and this is upsetting to me! Do you think you can shine light on this situation? Thanks!

    #753709 Reply
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    JD

    You need to talk to him about this. Your marriage cannot be successful going forward like this. He basically is saying he wants someone else or nothing. You don’t want that. You need to discuss this and possibly reconsider this relationship ship.

    #753713 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Yeah, you need to air this out. All of it. Otherwise, you’ll end up even more unhappy and resentful.

    #753717 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    I think this needs some serious discussion. You’re busting out toys, outfits, and new places…what is he doing to spice things up? Anything? If he’s just suggesting a threesome and then watching porn that isn’t exactly bringing his A game. It sounds like you two got married pretty quickly. How old are you? I hate to say it but shutting down sexually isn’t a great sign this early in the game.

    #753723 Reply
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    Lisa

    Hey thanks for responding to my post. I’m 25 and he’s 29. I got married at 23. Everything else is going great except for a very important piece to our relationship, sex. I definitely don’t feel like I’m enough for him, sexually. It’s frustrating and I definitely am starting to have insecurities. We’ve talked about it once before about a year ago and I’m not sure if this is something he’s resulted to in past relationships. But I do know I don’t like it

    #753726 Reply
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    JD

    Ya talking about it once a year ago is not sufficient. You need to be working toward is solution. Spicing things up sometime is fun and good but you should be able to have a regular sex life. It’s also pretty early in your relationship for him to be bored. It sounds more like he just wants some new person sex frankly.

    #753727 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity
    Member

    Watching porn is normal and a great way to enjoy the sexual fantasies you can’t or won’t explore in real life. It’s also normal for the frequency of sex to drop off a bit once the honeymoon phase is over – and having sex once a week is still quite a lot for a married couple! But when watching porn starts affecting your sex life, that’s a big problem. Do you feel like your husband is deliberately punishing you for not being willing to have a threesome by withholding sex, or is his porn-watching habit just getting so out of hand that he’s losing interest in the real thing?

    Either way, you have a big problem, and the only solution is to talk about this again, now, with a marriage counselor or sex therapist if you’re not getting anywhere discussing it by yourselves.

    I hope you know that if you’re not comfortable with a sex act, you are not obligated to do it, and anyone who would try to pressure or manipulate you into it after you’ve explicitly stated you don’t want to is not a good person. If it was essential to his sexual satisfaction that he have threesomes, he should have told you it was a deal-breaker before you got married.

    #753732 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Well, of course you’re feeling inadequate. He wants his threesome, and isn’t seeming to respond to other suggestions. Many, many people are not comfortable with such a plan. It’s not common. For him to spring this on you is a total jerk move.

    You definitely need to find out if he’s satisfied with being with you forever. Without fucking other women. If not… well, you may need to reconsider this marriage.

    #753779 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    You don’t need to bend over backward to please him, sexually. You aren’t a sex toy, if you catch my drift. Your needs, wants and desires should be just as important to him. He’s not meeting you halfway, because what compromises has he tried to make with you about this? What has he done to stimulate you?

    If you’ve only discussed this once, a year ago, you both need to work on your communication skills or this will never last. Maybe you married too early in the relationship at too young of an age.

    Married couples should have open and honest communication. If I was displeased with our sex life, I’d talk to my husband immediately. He’d be responsive, and we’d work on it.

    You are trying everything you can to what…keep his interest? If you truly think he’s losing interest in having sex with you, and that it is solely your duty to pique his interest, something is fundamentally wrong in your relationship.

    #753789 Reply
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    ron

    Lucidity –
    No, once a week is not quite a lot of sex for a 29-year-old guy 3 years into a marriage.

    #753793 Reply
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    Fyodor

    “You don’t need to bend over backward to please him, sexually”

    Heh.

    #753795 Reply
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    Fyodor

    So if you got married at 26/23, you probably met at what, 24/21? Honestly, it sounds like you guys got together young and he now regrets not getting to have sex with other people. Are most of his friends single?

    I think that you guys need to go to therapy and talk this out before a professional. Once a week would be fine if you were middle-aged with kids. For a childless couple in their mid-late 20s, it’s not a good sign..

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