October 30, 2020 at 1:35 pm #963860AnonymousGuest
My boyfriend and I had a great relationship. We have been dating for 2.5 years and I had thought he was the perfect guy for me. However, I have just realized something about him that disgusts me.
Before, I’d just see him a couple days a week for a couple hours. But I needed a place to stay for a month because my lease was up in September and my move in date for my next apartment, which had a waiting list, is November 1st. So he let me move in with him for a month which was very nice.
Compared to spending a couple hours a couple times a week with him, I was with him 24/7, aside from when I wasn’t at work. At first, everything was going great and amazing, and it made both of us realize that we wanted to eventually get engaged.
However, after about 2 weeks of being there, I began to realize that he does not shower often. Assuming he was clean, I had never “kept track” of how much he showered. But when he began to smell bad, I started noticing that he showers every 3-4 days, and brushes his teeth twice a week.
When I was folding his laundry, I noticed ALL of his underwear had a ton of massive fecal stains. Then, I checked the bed and noticed skid marks in it too from when we had sex.
It has been about 2 weeks since I noticed this and I don’t know what to do. I am extremely grossed out. He is an amazing guy who would be perfect, if he had hygiene.
I feel awkward telling him. I have tried telling him to shower more but he just laughs it off. I feel too awkward to tell him to wipe/ wash his ass As well as brush his teeth.
I have been distant from him since this realization and haven’t wanted to have sex or even kiss him.
I don’t know what to do about this. If it wasn’t for his dirtyness, I would want to stay with him because he is the perfect fit for me. I’ve known him since I was 5, and we had off and on dated throughout our teenage years, and now that we have more stable lives now that we were older, we were finally able to get serious, which felt amazing. I just am uncomfortable with this hygiene issue. I wouldn’t know how to bring it up but I don’t want to be with someone who can’t even wipe their ass.October 30, 2020 at 2:52 pm #963862ronGuest
MOA.October 30, 2020 at 3:12 pm #963863HazelParticipant
If you really like him in all other ways, tell him clearly about what you expect re hygiene. It’s not a moral issue, it does not mean that he is a bad person, but you have your standards and that is fine. Give him a chance to live up to them. If he won’t, fine, move on, you are not compatible.October 30, 2020 at 3:49 pm #963866KateKeymasterOctober 30, 2020 at 4:17 pm #963867HelenGuest
You are way too young to be tied down to a dude who won’t pay his own way, wipe his own butt, or put forth effort into your relationship. I understand you have a long history with him, but a happy relationship needs more than that. You’re at the age where you should be concentrating on yourself. Building a life that pleases you. This situation isn’t going to get better. If Therapy is in your budget please consider itOctober 30, 2020 at 5:04 pm #963868golfer.galGuest
Oh girl. Ditch him before the holidays so you don’t go through Christmas beholden to a dude who won’t spend a dime on you, give you a gift, take you anywhere, or even keep fecal matter out of the bed you sleep in. He’s telling you loud and clear, in numerous ways, that he doesn’t care about your basic wants and needs. I know at 20 ending a relationship seems daunting and impossible. It’s actually really important that you do it so you learn how much better you feel afterwards and you don’t hesitate in the future.October 30, 2020 at 5:11 pm #963869KateKeymaster
Pretty sure both of these are made up.October 30, 2020 at 7:24 pm #963871FYIGuest
Wait, this is from the same LW?
Whether it’s fake or not, a general PSA is — anyone who brushes his teeth only twice a week needs professional help.October 30, 2020 at 9:05 pm #963873ronGuest
And the conclusion of that PSA is anyone in a relationship with someone in need of professional, who isn’t getting and following that professional help, is in for a world of grief.October 30, 2020 at 9:52 pm #963876anonymousseParticipant
It took two weeks to notice he has shit all over his bed? That he smells like shit when you have sex?
I truly hope this is fake. And if it is, please do something more which your time. If it’s not, you need professional help. And to not date anyone for a while.