Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I am so frustrated and sad of my boyfriend's poorness!

Home Forums General Chat I am so frustrated and sad of my boyfriend's poorness!

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar MP 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #846448 Reply

    Suffice it to say that I’ve been through thick and thin with my boyfriend’s financial woes for YEARS. While he seems to have improved somewhat thanks to my help and breaking up with him briefly b/c I was so frustrated and freaked out by his irresponsibility, he is “responsible” now. But he sometimes can’t seem to budget himself and barely gets by paying his bills even though he works and get social security so I’ve not allowed him to move in.

    What about retirement? He claims he has his act so together that I don’t need to be concerned, but don’t I? How can he retire any time without working until he drops? And even if we live together so his expenses are less, I just know he’ll barely scrape by. How can someone retire on $20,000 today??

    Do I finally throw the towel in? I feel bad for him but not sure even with all of his love and affection it’s worth the risk?

    We REALLY do love each other and I know I shouldn’t throw that away but I just don’t see his situation improving and I can’t seem to tolerate it…makes me really nervous and sad!

    I can’t support him but that’s what he really needs at least to some extent. If I decide to help, will that lead to resentment?

    I see no good choice – either be without him or be with him with strings attached.

    #846474 Reply

    i know exactly how you feel because i am in the exact same situation….the guy i am dating works for several months of the year and then is basically unemployed the rest of the time….so he lives on the small bit of money he was able to save while working….he has no home (rents a furnished apartment), no car (doesn’t drive), owes income tax and now has an expensive dental surgery coming up….it really stresses me out when he talks about living together or getting married because i can’t afford to support us both and i don’t want to be dragged down financially to the point where my retirement and savings are gone….its sucks because he treats me like gold and is the sweetest guy….he had a job interview the other day and turned it down because he doesn’t want to work afternoons and weekends (facepalm!)….the irresponsibility is ridiculous! i’ve already broken up with him once because of this….but i hate hurting him because he is such a sweet guy

    #846481 Reply

    This sounds so difficult and I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It sounds like you’ve done a lot to support him but the situation isn’t improving and it’s stressing you out. And unfortunately it sounds like you’re already resentful.

    I personally would make the difficult decision of breaking things off since being financially literate is one of my top requirements for marriage. However, your values likely may be different. Have you tried getting him a financial planner or set him up with apps like Mint that help with budgeting? I’m not entirely sure if this is him being willfully irresponsible with money or if he tries but struggles with budgeting.

    And lastly, going by the Sheelzebub Principle (thank you Captain Awkward), if things stayed exactly the same would you stay:Another month? Another 6 months? Another year?Another 5 years? How long? You seem like a good person LW, so I really hope things get better.

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