Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I am so heartbroken I feel so betrayed.

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  • #963116 Reply

    My fiance and I were together for 8 months, we were going to be married on December 22, 2020. So I thought. Then my fiance all of a sudden said he needed space, we did have a few issues but they were not that bad it turns out while we were on this break he slept with his kids mom. Which they were together for 9 years off and on. He vowed to me that he would never be with her. That she cheated on him a lot of times she was abusive to him and his other kids. Why would he do this to me? He said it was a big mistake that he would never do it to me again. So I took him back. A week later he tells me over the phone that he’s done with me again. That was not the same with us anymore. Then I kept texting him why I didn’t understand why he wanted to end things again. He texted me that he didn’t love me anymore, that I was bugging him to stop texting him, leave him alone. Now he’s just gone haven’t heard from him for a week now. How can someone that says they love you and want to marry you lie straight to your face? I thought he really loved me, I am so hurt and heartbroken .I heard today that he went back to his kids mom, that’s why he left me. And because I was showing him too much attention and that I annoyed him but that is so hurtful after everything she has done for him. Why would he leave me someone that would never cheat on him, someone that truly loved him, he used to tell me how happy and in love he was with me. I don’t understand all this.

    #963117 Reply

    I’m sorry. It sounds like he’s still entangled with this woman and was never really done with her. They may (or may not) have split up, but are still very much emotionally and physically involved. Unfortunately you got in the middle of it. It sounds like he was “love-bombing” you and moving things along very quickly because he’s that kind of a messed up guy. He told you a bunch of lies. Maybe he wanted them to be true, I don’t know. But they weren’t. He’s just a jerk, and the silver lining is you “only” wasted 8 months of your life with him and there are some life lessons you can learn here. You need to start reframing this in your head as he was just a garden variety creep who fed you some BS while still involved with his baby mama and now he’s back with her and good riddance. You have to let go of the fantasy in your head and replace it with this reality.

    #963119 Reply

    8 months in you should be just now be meeting his kids, not already engaged. When people know they’re lousy partners they employ lovebombing. They hook you quick while still in the honeymoon phase where everything’s amazing and love hormones are flowing. They have to get you to commit quick because they can’t uphold the facade of being a good partner for very long. Committing quick feels romantic but its always a red flag. It signals desperation. A person who has a lot of good things going on in their life won’t need to rush the relationship. It hurts now, but you dodged a major bullet. Thank your lucky stars you got out before he made you baby mama #2

    #963120 Reply

    Behavior trumps words.

    #963121 Reply

    Thank god you didn’t marry him! Seriously, celebrate that little victory- because he would have fucked you over worse if you had been married.

    It was a huge red flag that you were “engaged” so soon. That should have made you question it all. He’s a liar, a cheater and you’re so much better off without him. Mourn the person you thought he was (he was never that person!) and then figure out why you were so easily lied to, figure out what you could have done to spot the lies sooner and be more careful dating in the future.

    What he told you about his ex? It’s probably all lies.

    Call up your girlfriends and ask them for help.

    #963132 Reply

    This guy is a stone-cold loser with no integrity at all. CELEBRATE the fact that you escaped marriage with this jackass.

    As for you, try to get some therapy with the goal of having STANDARDS for your romantic partners. Don’t just get engaged to every person who is nice to you for a few months. You need to know how to assess someone’s character — and not just get swept up in their charms.

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