“I Can’t Get Over That My Wife Had Sex Before We Met”

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  • January 30, 2017 at 11:43 pm #671555

    I’m with Dinoceros. I think you need to explain a little better exactly what’s upsetting you.

    Is it that she wasn’t a virgin?
    You feel she was promiscuous?
    You think she’s comparing you to those other men?
    You feel cheated out of being with other women?
    You weren’t her first?
    Something else?

    I’m just not able to think of how to advise you without knowing what the problem is. Even as far as whether or when you should tell her. It really depends on what your reasons are.

    Anonymousse
    January 31, 2017 at 12:03 am #671557

    I can’t really imagine a worse time than anytime right before and for a few months after a new child is born. Multiply that by ten if it’s a first child.

    I think it would be better to be completely open and honest to your therapist about what is going on-your NEW therapist, that is.

    Hopefully you can work this out in therapy and not dismantle your marriage and family because you are having a case of “what-ifs” or grass is greener…that’s my advice. New therapist, work harder at getting over this, bring up swinging or something in a year.

    Otherwise shit is going to hit the fan because pregnancy hormones are no joke.

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    Monkeysmommy
    February 1, 2017 at 8:25 am #671705

    You may not want to hear that it is none of your business or that you are being a judgmental jerk, but I’m going to tell you anyway. GROW UP. WHY did you marry this woman and take away her ability to find a man who will love and respect her as is?? Your issues are just that- YOURS. Tell her, don’t tell her, whatever, but get over yourself. You aren’t so special that you deserve an affair just because you didn’t marry a virgin. Jeez.

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    Firestar
    February 1, 2017 at 10:24 am #671713

    Doesn’t it seem that way @monkeysmommy? I can’t get over this! I’ve tried everything! Clearly I should be allowed to sleep with other women to make it even. Suck it the fuck up.

    RedRoverRedRover
    February 1, 2017 at 11:37 am #671722

    And so much dwelling on his “pain”, while completely ignoring the fact that he essentially tricked this woman into marrying him by hiding this huge issue he had. Like if he’d come out and said it after a year or so of dating, they could have broken up and he could have gone out and gotten laid or found a virgin or whatever he thinks will fix his problem.

    Now, he’s got her pretty well trapped. If he tells her, she’s either got to deal with his issue the rest of her life, allow him to sleep around outside the marriage, or become a single mother. All pretty shitty choices. That, or he doesn’t tell her and she’s unaware of any problems on her marriage until they eventually come to a head. Either way he’s done more to hurt her than all his “pain” at not being able to sleep around will ever cause him.

    I think he owes it to her to at least get a decent therapist and try to get past this. He’s screwed up her life enough at this point.

    saneinca
    February 1, 2017 at 12:40 pm #671727

    WES. Grow the fuck up. If it was such a big issue, why did you date her for 6 years and marry her? That was very deceptive of you.

    I really feel sorry for your wife for being trapped into a marriage with a moron.

    Ashley
    February 1, 2017 at 3:12 pm #671757

    I’m not sure if English isn’t your first language or your letter is a reflection of your mental age, but you sound about 16. 16 year olds worry about “experience” and “and who has the most number”. You are a grown ass man with a kid on the way. I agree with everyone to get a different therapist. Because really where is this coming from? Do you feel like you are not sexually satisfying your wife, and instead of taking some responsibility for that, you are grasping onto this issue? Are you wishing to have sex with other people? There are such things as open marriages. You could blow up your life and get divorced. These are all better than quietly seething in torment IMO.

    Ron
    February 1, 2017 at 4:16 pm #671764

    This doesn’t sound like a baby problem. It sounds like he’s obsessed over this for years.

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    February 1, 2017 at 4:29 pm #671771

    Well…if she hadn’t slept with those other guys then she wouldn’t know how bad he is in bed.

    Janelle
    February 1, 2017 at 4:33 pm #671772

    Cleopatra dying laughing over here.

    Jason
    February 2, 2017 at 5:06 am #671848

    Cleopatra Jones, if these other men were so much better, what is she doing with him then? That would be douchy. Like, if he’s not good enough just tell the man. Who’s decieving who at this point?

    Jason
    February 2, 2017 at 5:08 am #671849

    This doesn’t sound like a man who’s not trying or something like that, this sounds like a man who’s lost. Oh, and I feel sorry for Your man honestly if that’s the treatment Your giving him.

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