Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I can’t seem to read him

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  • #879554 Reply

    I am 16 years old and my boyfriend is 15. We are in the same grade and live in the same city. Me and him liked each other in 8th grade, but he was dating my homegirl at the time so i didn’t work out. We ended up dating freshman year, but we shortly broke up because he never texted me back. We tried again beginning of sophomore year, but it didn’t work out because he had a girlfriend who he was trying to leave to be with me. but i didn’t feel right by doing that. and sooo now we’re trying again. but i’m having a hard time reading him. In the very beginning he was very over protective of me. We would be on facetime and his brothers would try to “roast “ me and he would get very upset. and tell them off and tell them to “move around” ( which means to get out the way and stop bothering me) we would be otp and i would take a nap and he would be like “y’all be quiet my baby trynna go to sleep” and like i was shy to show my face at first and so he would make comments like “ show you’re face i want to admire you” and stuff like that. Well something happened and we got into a really big argument. and after that argument he kind of fell back. he stopped calling. conversations were dry. and then we got into another argument because of him acting distant and being weird and so then he was like “ this not gone work out. i’ve never been in a serious relationship. i don’t know what to do” and all this other stuff. and soooo when he said that i waited like 2 hours to respond and so i finally texted back and he said that he didn’t wanna break up anymore and that he loves me ????(i’ll insert messages) and i was truly confused. and so then we squashed that. and everything was going PERFECT. until last week. he started becoming toooo affectionate. really heavy on the i love you. and constantly wanting to be otp. he was texting back HELLA fast. for the first time in forever he actually opened up to me and told me hella personal stuff and i was confused? because why? why now? like what made him wanna confide in me. we literally spent everyday otp. i’m talking 16hrs on the phone just constantly. which wasn’t like him. and soo we started to get REALLY REALLY CLOSE. and as SOOON as we were starting to get close, he just fell back. his energy wasn’t the same. like how do you go from “i love you” to just barely talking??? and sooo i said sum about it and he said that particular day he was busy. but keep in mind we’re on quarantine. and soooo idk what to do. i kinda wanna fall back.Please get back to me at your earliest connivence.

    #879561 Reply

    16 hours a day on the phone is too much no matter who you are. Any relationship is going to burn out fast with that much intensity, it’s certainly not healthy. Even in quarantine you need to have interests and focus on things outside your partner.

    Overall though I’d say anyone you’ve had to try that hard to date (and he was trying to get with you while he had a girlfriend!) isn’t a natural fit. He sounds like he goes through girls like tissues so I’d be wary of expecting too much here.

    #879733 Reply

    Sorry, but when it’s this much work, it’s not going to work. Good relationships are not like this. Your instincts are telling you to take a step back, and they’re right. Try dating other guys. You don’t need to tie yourself down to one guy at your age; this is the time for learning about relationships and what you do and don’t want.

    This guy sounds like he doesn’t have any idea what he wants, and what he thinks he wants is constantly changing. Considering that he’s 15, that’s not surprising. And it’s OK. He’s also learning about relationships.

    #880811 Reply

    Spending all day on the phone is excessive and sets things up to be way too intense for both of you. Even if you lived together, you wouldn’t be spending 16h together every single day. If I read it right, it sounds like you even stayed on the phone whilst having a nap – why? Did he need to watch you sleep?! I do wonder if this for him is part of being posessive and feeling like you have to be in each other’s space 24/7 if you are a couple. Super intense relationships tend to burn themselves out, because you can’t maintain that energy. You can’t really live life with each other 24/7 or on the phone all day – and when things get emotionally intense quickly, often one or both parties feels they have to back out and get space because it starts to become stifling.

    You’re both young. There’s a lot to learn. He’s figuring out how to be a BF and you’re figuring out how to be a GF. Give yourselves some space – don’t stay on the phone all day. Spend time with your friends. Make time for hobbies. Half the fun of being with somoene is going off and doing other stuff and telling him “guess what fun I got up to” and sharing it with them.

    I wonder what effect quarantine will have on relationships now that even loving people are stuck together 24/7, because normal healthy relationships need space and alone time.

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