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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I didnt get anything for my birthday

Home Forums Advice & Chat I didnt get anything for my birthday

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  • #1103984 Reply
    Dragonfly
    Guest

    Ok, I know this paints me in a bad light, but let me give you some context.

    I’m the type of person to be REALLY excited for my birthday, and I told my friends that my birthday was upcoming, and I was so excited for it!

    Before my birthday rolled around, my friends even asked me in our groupchat what cake I wanted, so at that time, I felt really appreciated and excited for when my birthday rolled around.

    When my birthday rolled around, I did get birthday messages from each of them, in the form on Instagram stories, so I was very thankful for that. My birthday was on a Sunday this year, which meant I would see them at school tomorrow.

    On Monday I couldn’t wait to celebrate my birthday with my friends, as I didn’t get to celebrate it with them yesterday, as I was celebrating with my family. However, they just acted like it was any other day, the cake they told me they would buy/bake, was like it never existed. I didn’t even get a verbal ‘happy birthday!’, a gift, or a card.

    I know I sound greedy, but I can’t help but feel hurt. I don’t know if my feelings are valid, please give me some advice.

    #1103986 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I mean, do people usually bring cake to school and celebrate someone’s birthday? I can’t remember that happening in high school, but that was a long time ago. Of this is something people always do, but they didn’t for you, then I can see being kind of hurt, especially if you always do it for others.

    In general I think if you want a birthday party you need to have a party and invite people. Otherwise, yeah, it’s nice to get posts on social media, and maybe a couple cards and gifts from close friends.

    #1103989 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    It doesn’t sound greedy – it just sounds like you are disappointed that your friends didn’t acknowledge your birthday in any way. That disappointment is understandable. But it doesn’t mean that your friends don’t care about you. It simply means that they are bad at planning and really bad at executing plans. Talk to your closest friend and say that it made you sad that no one even wished you a belated happy birthday on that Monday. Don’t mention the cake. That’s not the important part.

    #1103995 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    They asked what cake you liked, did they say they were going to bring it in to school for you?

    We never celebrated birthdays like that in school except elementary with cupcakes. And they don’t do that anymore, at least around here. All other birthday things happen outside of school.

    Do you bring in cakes or presents for them on their birthdays?

    They did wish you Happy Birthday, on social media, on your actual birthday.

    I think you need to think more about what expectations you have for others, what’s realistic for others to do at their age and capabilities, and what you should ask for if you want it.

    #1103999 Reply
    Phoebe
    Guest

    Maybe when they were asking about the cake they were asking what kind you were hoping you’d have at home?

    What about saying in your group chat that it stinks when your birthday falls during the week because you don’t get to celebrate with your friends? And asking if they want to do something on the weekend? If you do, I still wouldn’t expect them to provide a cake or anything, or to pay for you, but maybe you could go to a restaurant where if you tell them it’s your birthday they come out and sing (you can call ahead and find out) or if you hang out at someone’s house you can grab a cake at the supermarket.

    Even though it’s hard I wouldn’t take it personally, some friend groups just are really bad at this. Are you the person in your friend group who does this for others?

    #1104000 Reply
    Phoebe
    Guest

    Can’t edit posts so I’m adding in that I just realized your birthday DID fall on a weekend. I still might say something about missing celebrating with them, and you can invite them for a low-key thing. Again, if you’re inviting, expect to host. But nothing wrong with saying you realize you missed celebrating with THEM.

    #1104063 Reply
    TheOtherOtherMe
    Guest

    Sorry to be a Scrooge, but you just learned that the older you get, the less birthdays matter, and the less the people around you make a big deal out of them. Maybe it’s time to reset your expectations. I used to try to throw my own birthday parties and invite a bunch of people, but by the time I reached about age 35 I gave up, because people just have too much else going on in their lives to care about your birthday.

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