Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I don’t know how to respond to something my friend just told me

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I don’t know how to respond to something my friend just told me

  • This topic has 23 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by avatarbrise.
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 24 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #885866 Reply
    avataroriginalusername
    Guest

    Hey everyone,
    So earlier today I was messaging a friend of mine, just sharing memes back and forth and he mentioned how his new roommate is being annoying when randomly asked me “I need to vent for a second because this has been really bugging me a lot lately, okay?” and then before I could even type a response he immediately sent me this long rant written in all caps about how messed up it is that I-me specifically, could get any medication I want while innocent non-violent offenders are in prison for using “natural plants found in the earth” aka marijuana, shrooms, etcetera.. and that I am a “pawn in this greater system of injustice” carried out by Big Pharma and it makes him “so angry and disheartened” that “all a cute girl like you has to do is cry in front of her doctor and could get a prescription for heroine if she asked for it”… Weird, right?? I really was not expecting that, like at all. The speed in which he sent it right after the previous message makes me believe he had written it out beforehand and just copy-pasted it to me.

    I have a diagnosed mental illness that I take prescribed medication for in order to help manage my symptoms. It took years for me to accept that my diagnosis ( I was given the same diagnosis twice by two different doctors a few years apart) was a real thing and awhile after that, I had to come to terms with how medication was an option that might provide me with actual relief from the worst parts of said mental illness… and then again a couple of years after that spent trying to find the right kind/combination/dosages that worked best for me. I wasn’t given the keys to the pharmacy and told to go nuts. It was a long process that I went through with medical professionals. I struggled a lot during that time period and I don’t like to talk about it with people I know because I am afraid of being judged and also because there are a lot of unhappy memories associated with it for me. It was generally just a very dark time in my life that I would like to put behind me.

    I just feel like my friend thinks I am a joke now. He was there as my friend when I first going through this long process so now I feel embarrassed that this person I thought I could trust maybe didn’t think of me in the way I thought they did. I am always afraid that if people like coworkers or neighbors find out that I regularly see a psychiatrist and take medication for a non=physical ailment, that they will think less of me or judge me harshly for it. Now this person who was around during some of the worst of it, when I was regularly contemplating suicide, just told me that he thinks those feelings I had weren’t real. I’m afraid someone who used to be one of my best friends thinks of me in the same way I am afraid strangers or coworkers might.

    Shortly after sending me those messages he sent another one saying “I shouldn’t have said that. I woke up angry today. Are you offended at me?…”I am sorry I had to call you out directly like that. That was wrong of me. I’ve just been in a bad mood over everything going on in the world. I think I am a little stir crazy. Can we talk about this?”
    I haven’t replied to anything he has sent since that first message at all.

    Should I bother saying anything at all? Part of me just wants to ignore this whole thing because it has made me so uncomfortable, but I also think I have the right to ask him what inspired him to say those things to me and ask how long he has thought of me that way.

    I am sorry to ramble like this. Maybe I just need some perspective, I don’t know.

    #885868 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    I have to be honest, I would have a hard time getting past that.

    If it had just been a general rant about non-violent drug offenders getting unfair sentences, well, that would be fine. Lots of people feel the same way. Even if he’d ranted about Big Pharma and had peripherally said something about psych meds being overused, well, I might be slightly offended, but chalked it up to a case of talking before thinking and reminded him that I was using those meds and I found it a little offensive.

    But he made it about *you*. He attacked you, personally, for taking the meds that you take. And if it’s true that he typed it up ahead of time and pasted it into a text, it was a premeditated attack. And this after he was there with you as you went through the difficult process of accepting medication. He knows you’re sensitive about it. You trusted him with something deeply personal that you don’t share easily with others, and he insulted you in the most personal, hurtful way possible.

    Yes, I would talk to him about it, and I would say all of that. And I would want to know why he thought it was OK to attack me so personally and nastily over such a sensitive thing.

    I’m not sure I could just resume the friendship after that. I mean, you can’t trust him. You know that now.

    #885869 Reply
    avatarSea Witch
    Guest

    “I am sorry I had to call you out directly like that.”

    Call you out??? Does he think you’re taking these medications for fun? If anything, women are less likely to be taken seriously by doctors and may not get needed meds as soon as men.
    Perhaps you should rethink this friendship.

    #885870 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Participant

    Even as someone who has moderate anxiety/depression, let alone more serious mental health symptoms, it’s a godsend to be able to receive medications for it. Your friend is an gigantic piece of shit.

    #885873 Reply
    LucidityLucidity
    Guest

    This person is not your friend. On top of deliberately attacking you right where he knew you were vulnerable and dismissing mental illness, there was some wierd sexist shit going on there too. I would not respond. I would block him on every platform and delete his number. I’m sorry you had to read that garbage.

    #885880 Reply
    mrmidtwentiesmrmidtwenties
    Participant

    Your friend is a giant ass. That “apology” or whatever they want to call it sounds like an attempt to bait you into a conversation- one where he probably makes an even bigger ass of himself. That being said- if there’s no social consequences, I would block entirely. If he is connected to a larger friend group that you value keeping, I would say something such as “thank you for your apology, I don’t think there’s anything further to talk about between us about this” and keep any future conversations with him at a very surface level.

    #885883 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    “I am sorry I had to call you out directly like that.”

    Riiiight. He didn’t have to do anything. And he has nothing to call you out for. Not to mention that his exaggerated, sexist premise — that you just cry and get heroine — is really stupid.

    We’re all stir crazy. Almost no one shits on their friends — with a prepared rant! — because of it.

    Do not for one second let this jackass cause you to question yourself or your other friendships. That just means he wins. Don’t take further bait either.

    #885885 Reply
    avatarTui
    Participant

    Nothing he said is ok and having a mental illness is not shameful – I think most people have had some struggles at some point in their lives and medication allows people to function.

    Don’t reply and be sucked into a discussion with him, or if you feel you need to respond be brief (like ‘that was an untrue and hurtful thing to write to me and I don’t want to talk about it’) and then mute or block him. Presumably he himself is struggling with mental health if he’s that angry and making up shit. However, it is not your job to deal with that and help him, and it would be harmful to your wellbeing. If you do remain in contact in the future, keep it extremely superficial as he’s shown he is not a good friend. He knows exactly how hurtful what he wrote is.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope you don’t feel everyone thinks this.

    #885887 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    That was very nasty behavior by your ‘friend’. I’d block and ignore him. If he is part of a common friend group, I’d at least allude to why you will be having no further contact with him. He had nothing to call you out for. You’ve done nothing wrong. In fact you’ve done exactly the right things in getting diagnosed, taking meds as prescribed, and taking the time an effort to get your med prescription just right. This ‘friend’ was trying to destroy you. Have nothing further to do with him. You know he’s a nasty ass, you don’t need a discussion with him to confirm that. You don’t need to know why he deliberately decided to be so nasty. Maybe he was down and thought bringing someone else farther down would make him feel better. That’s no excuse. There is no possible excuse, so don’t invite him to give you one. That was a deliberate friendship breaker. Accept it as such. You will be better off with him totally gone.

    #885888 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Unless this person is a lifelong friend who has been with you through thick or thin and this is a very strange out-of-character aberration, you have every right to completely cut him out of your life. That was a wildly cruel and utterly pointless thing to say. Like it’s your fault for the entire prison-industrial-complex.

    This post makes me so mad. Like his fucking wisdom is here to save you from being an unwitting pawn in some grand conspiracy.

    “sorry I had to call you out like that”. Man, fuck you, buddy.

    #885893 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    He’s a shitty friend. He’s also a misogynist (All you have to do is look cute to get meds)? Is he for real?

    Your friend clearly doesn’t understand mental illness. I doubt he would go on the same rant that all you have to do is bat your eyes to get insulin if you were diabetic? Fuck him.

    If your friends think you’re a joke because you take meds – fuck them. I need meds for my stupid brain. They help me manage. I also need iron tablets and allergy medicine. They are all the things I need. Anyone who has a problem with me taking one – has a problem with ME.

    #885899 Reply
    avatarJennifer
    Guest

    Man did I feel for you when I read this. I’m on a medication that is often abused and joked about among people. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I take it despite the fact once I finally figured out what my problem was, how to treat it, what dose to take, etc. etc. etc. has been a godsend. If someone said anything like that to me, I’d be done with them. Very few people I know even know I take this drug, so it is kept to my inner circle. I understand that there should be no stigma for me taking it, but as this post shows, people suck and the stigma exists. Drop this turd. He’s no friend of yours.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 24 total)
Reply To: I don’t know how to respond to something my friend just told me
Your information: