I dont know what is wrong with me
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I have been with my partner for over a year, we are amazing together in the fact that we started as best friends, but when it comes to the bedroom, I find myself not as sexually forward as I feel I should be. I also find myself constantly thinking about someone I had a crush on for over three years, I love my partner, but I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m crying now as I feel like there’s something wrong with me I just want to be sexually attracted not just emotional, I’m not sure what to do, and I have no one to talk to.
Are you saying you’re not attracted to them, or that you’re shy? Is it possible you just love them as a friend and shouldn’t be a partner to them?
Sometimes the physical attraction or chemistry is just not there. There’s nothing wrong with you if the physical aspect isn’t there with this person. You can’t force it. Maybe you are meant to be friends only.
But they have said before they would not be able to just be friends due to the fact that they are very much so sexually, physically, and emotionally attracted to me, and they couldn’t go back to being friends, and they are all I have so I’m just so torn and distraught lately
i am attracted to them i just find myself not really asking or wanting sexual experiences, I could go years without it but i know this isn’t a normal thought for couples, i am not asexual either, so just not sure.
I can’t tell from what you’ve written whether the chemistry just isn’t there for you or if your needs are being met but you have a lower libido that you feel ought to be higher to be normal. If it’s the former, sounds like this person isn’t the right match.
I know this isn’t why you wrote in, but also feel the need to say that I hope you will connect with people outside of this relationship. Reach out to old friends. Take steps to make new ones. Even if you’re in a wonderful relationship, outside relationships are important. Especially if lack thereof is making you stay in a relationship that has run its course.
Hey, just because they are telling you they won’t be your friend if you are non romantic doesn’t mean you should keep them in your life, having sex and a relationship that you don’t want and that makes you feel uncomfortable.
I know it’s scary as hell to imagine being alone, but lett8ng someone essentially have sex with you because you’re afraid to be alone is very, very sad. That person is not your friend.
That shows a serious lack or esteem and resources. I urge you to reach out to any family or friends or counselor, therapists. This is not a healthy relationship. If they cared about you, they wouldn’t keep you in this situation because of how they feel/knowing how you feel. That’s gross and they are taking advantage of you.
The two of you need to go no contact. You don’t want a sexual relationship with him and he feels too interested in a relationship to be platonic friends. That’s a serious mismatch, which will hurt you both.
You also seem fixated upon a three-year-old crush, which went nowhere. You need to move beyond that. Making new friends is a good start. Pursue old activity interests and explore new ones which pique your interest — that is a good way to meet new people.
