Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I don’t know what to do

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  • #850577 Reply

    My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. We broke up because I got a phone call from him, waking me up, whilst he was drunk on a night out, telling me that he had something to tell me that would ‘break my heart’. He and one of his co-workers kissed almost a week prior, and he didn’t tell me. Before he told me, he kept going on about how we have no chemistry between us anymore, but he thinks he’s only feeling this because I was in a different city for a couple of weeks. We broke up, but we kept talking. I took a trip to where he lives a few weeks ago to see some friends and begin moving stuff into my new house up there, and I saw him. There were times where he acted as if we were still together, as he helped me unpack, but there were times where we would argue as he didn’t understand my point of view for being upset. He told me that apparently it was his co-worker that kissed him for a few seconds before he told them to back off, but he didn’t tell me any of this before. When I left the city, we left on a really good note, but we were by no means back together, with him stating that we weren’t. I ended up going out with one of my male friends last night for a drive to clear my head, and my friend ended up kissing me. I don’t know why but I feel really guilty about it and don’t know if I should tell my ex or not- I feel like I cheated on him even though we aren’t together, and I’m scared that me telling him would ruin any chances of us in the future. I’ve already told my friend that nothing will happen between us as I’m not over my ex and he knows everything that’s gone on, but I can’t help feeling guilty for that too. Have I done anything wrong?

    #850579 Reply

    No you’ve not done anything wrong he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be with you and he’s just trying to clear his guilty conscience for kissing someone. I’d tell him if you’re feeling guilty yourself and so that you’re both on an honest level but you’ve done nothing wrong so don’t feel guilty. I’d explain that you still have feelings too as that might help you to move on.

    #850585 Reply

    OMG, no. You haven’t done anything wrong. You have not ruined any chance of reconciliation, although I don’t understand why you’d want to reconcile with someone who clearly stated that you AREN’T back together. Remember when he told you that you have no chemistry anymore?

    He’s not worth your time. Move on.

    #850614 Reply

    Monogomy is pretty great, huh?

    #850647 Reply

    It was already over.

    #850648 Reply

    Oh honey.

    No you didn’t do anything wrong. Your ex broke up with you, he released you to be kissed by other people. You aren’t together anymore, he doesn’t seem to want to get back together. It’s not his concern or right know who you kiss anymore.

    I assume you feel “guilty” because what you want is to be back together. But he doesn’t. That sucks, but it’s over now.

    That said, if you don’t want to kiss male friend because you still feel heartbroken or you’re just not interested in him, you don’t have to.

    #850655 Reply

    Don’t tell your ex about this kiss. This is none of his business anymore. He has made it clear that he is not in love with you anymore. He is now nice with you because you are always sorry for an ex you dumped, and he was probably attached to you too. But frankly, he broke up with you in an undignifying way: awful, just for this reason, I would scratch him off my list of interest for ever. Later, you will think of this phone call as a jerk move and put this guy into the jerk category.
    Don’t tell him either because it really looks like a tit for tat. He was kissed by someone – you are kissed by someone. He tells you – you tell him. No! Don’t start such a mirroring behaviour. Let him go. It is over.
    You have the right to kiss whoever you want, but if you don’t feel like, just say no. Allow yourself to mourn your relationship, and then enjoy your freedom!

    #850656 Reply

    I would have dumped him just for calling me up, drunk, to tell me he was going to break my heart. What a trashy, immature way to break up with someone. Ugh.

    (That’s what he was doing, BTW. Telling you something hurtful so the relationship would be over.)

    He’s not into you anymore. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He’s made that very clear. Don’t mistake his doing a small kindness like helping you unpack for wanting to be your boyfriend again.

    You don’t need to tell him who you’re kissing. As a matter of fact, you don’t need to tell him anything. You’ll get over him faster if you just cut the ties, block him, and keep busy.

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