Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I Don’t know who I am anymore

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  • #1097950 Reply

    This honestly isn’t that big of a problem but I need a bit of advice.

    For as long as I can remember I’ve almost always done whatever to please others and as a result I think I’ve lost part of who I am in doing so.
    It was always stupid things like my favourite band or my favourite character in a tv show but I feel as though I’ve done it so much that I no longer know these thing and always go off of what the other person has said and I have forgotten how to find what I truly like.
    I’ve never had anything that truly interested me without loosing intrest eventually unlike my twin sister who has always been really passionate and really good at drawing but I’m just average at everything. And I dont feel like I have enough confidence to explore what I like for a few reasons one of them being one of my older sisters being really judgy about everything. She likes to make fun of my clothes and things like that and I don’t think she truly means them but I still take it to heart.
    But some of the only things I do know is that I like to watch anime and that I’m a mojour equalist and
    Stuff like that but other than that I don’t truly know who I am.
    I suspect this is one of the reasons imp unable to keep close friend and with the exception of two although one is my sisters best friend but I’ve known them for as long as i can remember so we are quite close but other than those two friends and my sister I’ve always drifted away from my friends but as well as sometimes they are not nice people and need someone’s else to tell me if they’re toxic because I usually fail to see it due to me overwhelming need to be accepted by those around me and while overlooking the negative I also seemingly change my personaltiy to someone they’ll like so I’ve almost constantly got on a mask and it’s like I’ve become dependant on it and now I can’t remove it because it hides my true emotions, the ugly part of me the part of me that wants to stay in bed all day and cry until I pass out and I hopes that no one will actually see that side because I feel like I want to cry for no reason all the time. It’s why I give into reading stories and watching tv because then I can distract myself from the urge I have to try and find myself again.

    Wow okay that got sad real fast anyway someone give me some advice please

    #1097951 Reply

    1. See a counselor.
    2. Next time your older sister makes fun of you, say, “Please stop saying stuff like that. It hurts my feelings.”

    #1097952 Reply

    You sound really young, and no one knows ~who they are~ when they’re still in their teens. Also, who you are keeps evolving anyway. You did actually mention a few things you genuinely like, including anime, reading, fashion, and whatever mojour equalism is. You also have two close friends. I think you’re doing pretty good.

    #1097954 Reply

    You just haven’t found your thing yet. That’s okay, you’ve got plenty of time. Try not to compare yourself to others and find fault within yourself. Every single person is different. Every person’s path in life is different. Just keep trying new things and exploring interests, hobbies, etc and you will undoubtedly find something/many things you enjoy.

    #1097955 Reply

    I honestly have no hobbies, and it’s okay! Hobbies aren’t personality traits.

    #1097958 Reply

    Thank you I will try

    #1097959 Reply

    Don’t listen so much to what other people think. You dropped friends, whom you didn’t think were toxic, because other people thought they were toxic? That’s not fare to those ex friends you dumped. If they seemed fine to you, then you should have stuck by them, just as you would hope your remaining few friends and your twin would stick by you, when others say untrue things about you. You will never know who you are until you value your own observations, conclusions, and needs at least as much as what you hear from others. Counseling can help with that. Don’t be other people’s sock puppet. A counselor can help with this.

    #1097968 Reply

    I think you need to do some serious soul searching – and think about what you like and what you want out of this life. Your likes don’t have to be black and white. You can have opinions and change them.

    Some things I’ve learned over the years:
    1. Judging isn’t a terrible thing – but it has to be directed towards the right evaluation criteria. Am I judging you because you are hateful and harmful to people (e.g. do you wear a Nazi swastika on your lapel) or am I judging you simply because I don’t like what you like? If it’s the former – well have at it. If it’s the latter – what harm am I doing and why do you need to harm me?
    2. People who judge you for stupid stuff – like being a nerd or liking something they don’t like – are insecure and need to make other people feel bad to make themselves feel better. Their pettiness is not strength, it’s fear.
    3. Two people can like different things and be friends. A friend and I go back over 40 years (I know!). We like totally different stuff. We don’t share religion, we’re not too far apart politically, but we’re not close politically either. She lives on a farm, I live in the city. We don’t like the same music. We read different genres of books. But I adore her because she’s lovely and she’s someone I like spending time with, even when we talk about the hard stuff.
    4. Doing the things you like, as long as they don’t hurt other people, make you happy. And you being happy is important. You’re responsible for your own happiness, so listen to the music you like and read the books you like and share them with your friends and then find other people who like those things and make those people your friends too. There is room for both. Dave Grohl – who is rock and roll personified said (and I’m paraphrasing here) if you like Britney Spears – listen to Britney Spears. If you like Foo Fighters, listen to Foo Fighters and if you like both – listen to both. You can like all of it. There’s no wrong way to like music or anything else. Except fascist shit – there’s no room for fascist shit ok?

    #1099267 Reply

    Have you thought about seeing a therapist?

    #1099314 Reply

    Both of these are great advice that the person should take. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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