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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I don’t understand

Home Forums Advice & Chat I don’t understand

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #1013259 Reply
    let9222
    Participant

    My ex fiancé of 8 months cheated on me with his toxic ex than dumped me in October 2020. He got engaged to his ex in January 2021 and got married a few days ago. What I don’t understand is why now they were off and on again for 9 years why now get married when I was in the picture. He had 9 years to ask her to be his wife.Me and him were supposed to be married in December 22 2020. It’s like a slap in my face.

    #1013262 Reply
    brise
    Guest

    It is cruel,I got it and I am very sorry for you. At the same time, it is a common situation: for a man to end a relationship and soon afterward to marry an other woman, an ex, is a frequent pattern. Perhaps the idea of marriage made its way, and the reality and proximity of such a commitment had him reconsider his choice. Perhaps he is so stuck in the unhealthy dynamics or his long-term story, for whatever reasons connected to his childhood, that he can really move on and embrace a new relationship fully. Perhaps it is also the fear of the void, and the need to seal the rekindle of an old-relationship by a radical commitment. All this is, of course, unreasonable, but it happens, you are not alone in this experience.

    They have a long history, though unstable. Your relationship with him was short and perhaps rushed? (why getting engaged and plan a wedding within 8 months, in the middle of a pandemic? or the 8 months were the engagement time and you dated him a longer time beforehand?). His actual wedding is definitely rushed and crazy.
    So you have an unstable and undecisive man who took a sudden and rushed decision. It is a shock for you, but I think that you had a lucky escape. This man, given his personal issues, would have been a difficult and unreliable partner. Now please desynchronize with him, his history, his issues, his life. He went out of your life. Close that door and reflect on what you wish for your next relationship, and take your time to heal and date again. Next time take the things slowly, step by step. You will get over this.

    #1013263 Reply
    brise
    Guest

    *Perhaps he is so stuck in the unhealthy dynamics OF his long-term story, for whatever reasons connected to his childhood, that he CAN’T really move on and embrace a new relationship fully.

    #1013264 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Don’t think about this as he did something to you – as awful as this is going to sound, he wasn’t thinking about you whatsoever when he made any of these decisions. He stopped thinking about you and your emotional (or physical) health when he started cheating on you with his ex.

    It’s highly likely that one of them gave the “prove you love me” ultimatum that resulted in them getting married so quickly after reuniting.

    #1013267 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    They’re stuck in a loop of drama and utter bullshit that you unfortunately got in the middle of. This is their story. They’re a hot mess and it will likely not end well for them. Maybe him being in what seemed like a serious relationship with you, made it hotter and more exciting for them to get together behind your back. And now they’re going all-in on their messed-up relationship. I bet once they realize they’re stuck with each other they’re not going to be happy. It only works when they keep breaking up and reconciling because that feels like passion. Anyway, stop paying attention to what they’re doing, it will only make you miserable.

    Also, were you together for 8 months total, or engaged for 8 months? Or both?? Be very careful when a guy wants to move that quickly. It’s usually not genuine. Getting married 8 months after you start dating is a terrible idea.

    #1013268 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    It is hard to see it now, but in a while you will be so thankful that you dodged this shitshow of a bullet and did not marry him.

    Seriously, try to stop wasting your time wondering why they do the things they do and focus on what you can do to feel better. Self care, a new hobby, therapy would probably be a good idea. Reach out to friends, find a form of exercise you enjoy and work your stress out.

    #1029226 Reply
    Peepee
    Guest

    Hi,

    You must be furious. My advice is breaking some plates, going to a safe axe throwing warehouse, plan D DAY on their wedding day where you do some house demolition or a noce hike and scream at the top and confess all your anger.

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