“I Expect More Sex From My Wife of 15 Years”

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  • This topic has 62 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Pickles.
Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 63 total)
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  • Shemp Howard
    April 5, 2024 at 12:35 pm #1128715

    It appears you are gaslighting me. I’m playing back what I’m hearing. I know they exist, but the population of men who don’t want sex from their spouse is supremely small, and I’ve yet to meet one. The rampant situation is women not wanting to have sex with their husbands. Overwhelmingly. they are the gatekeepers. They develop the criteria. They govern approvals and non-approvals. I know PLENTY of really good husbands who are in near celibate situations against their will. I’m not one of them by the way. Your continued characterization of these situations as the men being insensitive, disrespectful, or just plain douchebags is very telling. It also clearly indicates, as I have referenced numerous times, that it’s the man’s fault if the woman won’t have sex with him. Nothing you’ve stated has indicated otherwise.

    If it makes you feel better, you can keep putting me down and making assumptions about my life and who I am. It’s just rogue and inaccurate speculation however, and it fails to actually address the observations I’ve shared.

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    Kate
    April 5, 2024 at 2:36 pm #1128716

    Shemp, if you were in a happy, loving relationship with a healthy reciprocal sex life, you would not be on this thread making these kinds of statements. There is a reason women avoid sex with guys like you. Good men who get it and share the load are getting laid regularly. The sex is being had.

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    Shemp Howard
    April 5, 2024 at 3:48 pm #1128717

    I’m in a pretty happy 18 year marriage. I think you are speaking from a theoretical level. I can say this much: of my very large circle of male friends, only 2 are having sex as much as they would like with their wives. In both cases, their wives are on hormone therapy, and prior to that, the sex was not happening. I think it’s really easy to keyboard pretend that the guys who are doing lots of cleaning and laundry are having great, regular sex with their wives. I can only speak anecdotally that I have never seen, or even heard of that happening. Everyone who says it is a woman, but I’ve never ever, ever, heard or read a man state that sharing the load was what made high quality and regular sex flow their way. On the contrary, what I’ve personally seen and then read on the internet from other guys is that they are at their wits end trying to do those things and it doesn’t change anything in the bedroom.

    I think the truth is, guys just want sex, and women are emotional beings, and a lot of complicated right hemisphere mental calculus goes behind their decision to have sex, even with the person they are committed to.
    Somehow that calculus is tied back to the guy, who is imperfect like they are, and the decision gets made to have infrequent duty sex, if at all. I don’t think it is evil or conniving behavior, but I do think that is what is happening.

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    Anonymousse
    April 5, 2024 at 4:16 pm #1128718

    It’s terribly sad that you and all your very hetero friends sit around and compare notes about the sex you all aren’t having. That’s actually hilarious to me. Hilariously gross and outdated and it comes as no surprise you’re here making the comments you are, within your “happy marriage.”

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    Anonymousse
    April 5, 2024 at 4:21 pm #1128719

    I would never be so low as to complain about my partner to friends, let alone a group of friends and that’s the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy one, I think. My husband is an angel on this earth and I have NOTHING to complain about. I’m sorry your wife doesn’t seem to like you so much after your marriage. Nothing has changed in my relationship, and we’ve had kids. Try therapy or talking to her, instead of behind her back, maybe.

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    Anonymousse
    April 5, 2024 at 4:31 pm #1128720

    I’m not speaking from a theoretical relationship. I’m not AI, I’m a just your average white woman in the US.

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    Anonymousse
    April 5, 2024 at 4:33 pm #1128721

    “Guys just want sex,” so that’s it? That’s all there is to you? My husband is a loving beast in the sack but he is also a multitude of other things. He wants more than sex.

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    Gigi
    April 5, 2024 at 4:34 pm #1128722

    I’m a 68 yr old woman who still enjoys regular sex with my sexy husband of decades. We are retired and have more time to get busy enjoying each other. I still have my internal female organs, work out daily, and cannot understand women who don’t enjoy sex. I just don’t get it. It’s one of life’s great pleaures.

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    Gigi
    April 5, 2024 at 4:34 pm #1128723

    I’m a 68 yr old woman who still enjoys regular sex with my sexy husband of decades. We are retired and have more time to get busy enjoying each other. I still have my internal female organs, work out daily, and cannot understand women who don’t enjoy sex. I just don’t get it. It’s one of life’s great pleaures.

    Reply
    April 5, 2024 at 4:54 pm #1128724

    Yeah so, Shep, you’re in a bubble of like minded men like you, consisting of your friends and the type of guys who seek out forums to complain that they’re not getting sex from their wives. This is where you’re getting your information (I guess that is until you found your way here through googling the topic), and there’s a high level of bias going on there. It’s really sad that you’ve never heard of a guy having great regular sex with his wife, but it’s happening out there. Guys are having great regular sex with their wives, but apparently not in your social circle, or within the forums you’re seeking out.

    I’m sorry that you don’t understand. I’m sorry that you and your friends are not working with their life partner to figure out what they need and desire and strengthen their relationships and improve their sex lives. Your wives probably want to have sex, probably fantasize about sex, but not with you because it’s become a huge pain in their ass in reality. It’s not good. It’s not something they look forward to.

    I strongly recommend talking to your wives and having a state of the relationship conversation, not about sex but about her needs and yours and how you’re both feeling. Are the problems worth addressing with the help of a therapist? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you’re better off going your separate ways.

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    Ange
    April 5, 2024 at 7:43 pm #1128725

    If you’re going to view sex as transactional and something achieved after doing this task, this task and this task then of course you’re not going to get it, Shemp.

    It appears transactional on the surface but it’s really not. It’s women essentially begging for you to become an equal, proactive member of the household. It is sometimes demonstrated by cleaning and whatever but mostly it’s just showing you goddamn care. If you’re resentfully doing a few loads of laundry then pawing at your partner for your reward what makes you think that’s a turn on? Have you been an active manager of the household all along or is this a new angle to see if it leads to sex? Have you actually checked in on your partner’s feelings without it being an interrogation as to why you’re not getting any? If you and your mates are all sitting around bitching about your wives not giving you sex I can already tell the women are resentful and angry and sick of being treated like a malfunctioning sex dispensary and none of you are actually doing the work to figure out why, you’re just blaming them. It’s never just the laundry, bud.

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    Part-time lurker
    April 6, 2024 at 8:15 am #1128726

    It’s really pretty simple, when a person feels loved, respected, and valued as an equal partner it’s a turn on. When they feel like an object or personal assistant it’s a turn-off.

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