- May 17, 2020 at 10:24 pm #886135JannaGuest
Sorry if my English is not perfect but i’ll try to explain my situation here (and please please don’t judge me i might just need to get it out of my chest).
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years, he has 1 kid from a previous relationship and i totally accepted it before i got into a relationship with him (he was not seeing him a lot). Since his ex knew that he has somebody she has been terrible and she’s dropping the kid at our apartment without telling us and all our activities are put on hold as soon as he comes. His kid is not nice with me at all and keep throwing stuffs at my face (he’s 5). Plus, my boyfriend only has one room so the kid is sleeping in our room with him and im sleeping on the sofa of the living room. I just can’t stand him when he’s around, my boyfriend does not pay attention to me at all and i feel like his ex still has control on his life or i don’t know maybe he just feel so bad about the separation that he can’t say NO to his kid. I’ve tried so much but whatever i say he reminds me that i’m not his mom and i just feel like a guess in my home.
When i thought it couldn’t be any worse with this situation, his ex has 2 kids that he was helping her raising(they were together for 7years). After their separation, the mom didn’t want him to see the 2 kids. Now my boyfriend is telling me that he misses these kids (he didn’t tell me she has 2 more kids after few months in) and that he would love to welcome those kids at home whenever. I do respect his past and i would love for them to go do some activities outside together but to have HER whole family at my place ??? I mean it’s hurting me a lot i feel like i can’t handle it .. I don’t know if i’m being selfish but i would love to tell him without hurting his feelings .. I dont have kids and suddenly im with somebody that has a kid + wants to reconnect with his exes kids .. it’s just a lot
Thanks for readingMay 18, 2020 at 12:22 pm #886179FyodorGuest
I think that you should find someone else. His kid is part of his life . It’s OK if you can’t handle that, but it’s not going away and its unreasonable for you to demand that he change.May 18, 2020 at 12:52 pm #886182Miss MJParticipant
Break up with your boyfriend because your lives aren’t compatible. Either that or welcome the kids he considers as his into your life. But if you don’t want to do that – and it is obvious that you don’t – then you really do just have to break up.May 20, 2020 at 1:30 pm #886310EssieParticipant
It’s really OK to not want a boyfriend who has kids. We all have our dealbreakers, and that’s yours. It’s fine.
Where you’re going wrong here is thinking you can change his situation. You can’t. If he’s a good man, his kid will always come first. His ex will always be in his life in some way, because they are co-parenting their child. I’m sure he sees his kid and hers as family, because they were all a family for seven years.
This is his life. This is who he is. As I said, it’s understandable that all of this feels like a lot to you, but if you want him, you get the kid and the ex and her kids.
You do need to break up with him. I’m sorry.May 20, 2020 at 1:49 pm #886312anonymousseParticipant
You should break up and move on. His son is FIVE. He’s going to be in his life forever. And his son needs him.
Don’t date men with kids. That’s an okay dealbreaker to have.May 22, 2020 at 10:40 am #886403CurlyQueParticipant
I agree that you have a boyfriend problem, not a kid problem. I do think it’s a little ridiculous that you’re kicked out to the couch in your own home when his son visits. Why isn’t their a daybed or twin bed for his child? Why doesn’t he pay more for a two bedroom so that his son can have his own bed?
Is your boyfriend divorced or just separated?May 22, 2020 at 1:59 pm #886425EssieParticipant
I kind of let go of the details like who slept where because the LW had such strong negative feelings about the kid. She resents the attention he gets from her boyfriend, she doesn’t want the girlfriend’s kids in her home (“HER family”), and most of all, she actively strongly dislikes this five-year-old child.
When you’re describing your feelings about your boyfriend’s 5 year old with the word “HATE,” you have to break it off. It’s the only right thing to do.May 22, 2020 at 2:45 pm #886426BittergaymarkGuest
Break up with him. I am awfully tired of LW’s who selfishly want permission to gleefully come between a father and his kids.
NEWSFLASH: It’s fucked up. Very.
Meanwhile, the insane level of selfishness compounded with the utter lack of self awareness in letters like this one is profoundly depressing. And troubling.
People like this LW should fucking be alone. More — they damn well DESERVE to be alone. And yet — somehow… they NEVER are.
Humanity is a lost cause. I give up.May 22, 2020 at 3:09 pm #886427dinocerosParticipant
You can’t change how your boyfriend lives his life or parents his child. This isn’t the relationship for you. Move on.