Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“I hate my mother. Are my reasons justified?”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “I hate my mother. Are my reasons justified?”

This topic contains 7 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar Sunflower 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #752775 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    “I hate my mother. I believe I have legitimate reasons though. She has always treated me horribly. She never is considerate of me or my time. Right now she hardly works and I have been helping her pay bills most if not all the bills, while she spends her money on clothes, or she hangs around the guy shes dating, or posts on facebook all day. I live with her now and Ive wanted to move out in the past but have stayed mostly because of my younger brother. Recently my car broke down and i was required to pay a large sum. Well she recently told me to skip a payment, which I agreed to. This puts me behind. I also told her I’m moving out soon. She works as needed but doesn’t take any hours offered to her. She recently got her income tax, however she spent most of it trying to impress this guy she’s been leaving to see for long lengths of time. I am left to care for my younger brother and she gets to enjoy herself, while I have both school and work. My younger brother often asks for her, asking if She is at work. He is 14, but I think it still matters. Anyways she spends money with him while I pay bills. I’m just upset because she’s done this before in the past with other guys and she also treats me cruelly and I feel like she isn’t considerate of me, not at all. I never have money for myself or time to enjoy myself most if the time, its been like this fir years. I recently reviewed her history by accident and turns out She is pregnant possibly. She’s 43. I have worked hard and still do today. I feel like our roles are switched. I hate her now, because I’ve put myself on the back burner while gets to live her life. I’m thinking of telling her I no longer want to speak to her again after I move and only keep contact with my brother, however I am unsure of this. I’m afraid she’ll keep me from him and that she might show herself at my job. She knows where I work. I hate her so much, she has also mentally abused me and treated me badly in the past, but one thing is she always favors my brother which i am glad. I have a letter written out.”

    #752789 Reply
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    CET

    It is past time for you to move out and get your own place. Give yourself DISTANCE. Your mother is an adult and can support herself. You need to live your own life and concentrate on supporting yourself, saving for your retirement, and building up a savings account so you can buy your own house one day. Your mom raised you….she can finish raising your brother. I’m guessing you are in your early 20s? This is the time I moved about 1000 miles away…shared a house with 3 friends, worked, and few years later went into a graduate program. Live your own life and don’t loan money to family members. Save to get yourself going in life…your car, a house one day, a degree, and when save a little bit each month towards retirement. Start looking at jobs (even in other cities/states), make a good resume, write/edit/re-write a great cover letter you can tweak for different jobs, work, and focus on getting good credit. Go to the library and get some books about boundaries and how to set them with your mom. Good luck.

    #752793 Reply
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    carolann
    Member

    I agree. Moving will solve a lot of your issues. Focus on yourself for a while. Mom will manage.

    #752808 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Some people are givers, some people are takers. You’re giving in order to get respect, love, whatever. Your mom is a taker. If you’re over 18, move out. Get a roommate. Keep in touch with your brother via email, IM, text, IG whatever. Your mom doesn’t sound like she’s too involved anyway.

    #752821 Reply
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    SpaceySteph
    Participant

    I had commented on this thread before it got eaten in the restore, but the gist was…
    – Sure you’re justified in hating your mom, but that knowledge/assurance doesn’t really help you.
    – Don’t let your mom drive you more into debt, pay your bills first.
    – You don’t need to “look after” a 14 year old, and helping him be more independent will be good for both of you (him so he can take care of himself because his mom wont, and you because you can move out without worrying about whos going to take care of him). Teach him to cook his own meals, encourage him to get a job. I suggested grocery bagger, which I think you can do at 14 even though you have to be 16 for most jobs. Kate also had good suggestions of more off-the-books/typical young teenager jobs like lawn mower or dog walker that he could do to save up some pocket money of his own.
    – Move out. Your mom can’t really keep a 14 year old from keeping in contact with you if he wants to. And in a few years he’ll really be an adult and she’ll have no pull.

    #752823 Reply
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    Sue Jones

    What if you moved out and took your brother with you? It sounds like you are already supporting him. This way you can know that he is being looked after. I know that he is 14, but I have a 14 year old and even though they are more independent, they are not adults yet and still need a lot of guidance. This way you can be a good role model, make sure he stays out of trouble and does homework, etc. and stay in touch. Your mom can fend for herself finally.

    #752825 Reply
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    JD

    Ya what if you go to court, get your mother removed as legal guardian and then your young self take that role…

    You don’t just get to take kids with you.

    Think then type.

    #753114 Reply
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    Sunflower

    Do not pay any more of your mother’s bills. Why should she get a job when you hand her your money? You are an enabler! Save your money for a downpayment on a house!

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