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I have a crush on my bff's boyfriend

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This topic contains 15 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar Allornone 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 16 total)
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  • #850886 Reply
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    liasee

    PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! My best friend since we were 6 years old is dating a boy and she’s very much in love with him! She always tells me about him and how she is hoping to maybe even get married! I was super excited for her! But I can’t even explain what happened next… I can’t even put it in words, so I’m just going to say it like this. When we hung out, most of the time he was also there. Which meant I saw her boyfriend A LOT! Me and him started talking, at first just small talk to be polite, but we started talking about more and more, and he gave me his number. He texted me that night and asked about my friendship with his girlfriend, how long we’ve been friends, what we usually do, etc. It was kind of weird, but I answered. We soon started texting everyday, sometimes until midnight, not being flirty or anything, but about family, relationships, school, etc. It was really nice. I didn’t even think it was possible for me to like him until another friend pointed it out to me, asking me why me and my best friends boyfriend talked so often. I assured her that there was nothing going on between us, but after she said that I realized that yes, I did have feelings for him. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY SICK WITH MYSELF! I mean, he’s my BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND! I stopped texting him that often and when we were together (like… with my best friend present, we never met without her being there) I didn’t speak much with him. But everytime I lay in my bed, I urge to open my phone and call him, or video call him, just to hear his voice or just text him. I missed talking to him so much. But I could never pursue him, I won’t even dare to think about it. The more I missed being near him, the more disgusted I felt with myself. I hate myself for feeling like this. Sometimes he texts me, asking if I’m ok, or if I’ve been busy, but I know what he means is “Why aren’t you talking to me?”. I just don’t answer. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get over this. I cry a bit from time to time, asking myself why HIM of all men on this earth. It’s been 3 months since I stopped talking to him, but I still find myself thinking about him at night, and I still feel miserable as if I just broke up with him, which is ridiculous, considering I never even dated him. I thought putting distance between us would make my feelings go away, but my heart still races when I see him, or when I go through our old texts, or when I look at a selfie we took one time. Please help me!!!!!! How do I stop myself feeling like this??? Should I try finding a boyfriend? Please tell me how to get over this quickly!!

    #850890 Reply
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    Hazel

    You did the right thing to nip this in the bud. You feel bad now, imagine how bad you’d be feeling if you’d had a sneaky kiss or something. Be happy you were smart enough, and cared enough about your friend not to pursue it. To help you get over him- think about it. He was flirting with his girlfriend’s best friend, with no concern for what this would do to either of you. You pulled back, and he continued to push for a little bit more. You will find someone much, much better, just try to get out and about and have some fun until this fades.

    #850895 Reply
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    Helen

    You have a crush on an unavailable person. It’s not the moral failing you think it is. Crushes happen to everyone. You’ve put distance between yourself and your crush and are trying to move on, you’re doing the right things! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Most people have experienced a crush on a person they can never be with

    #850901 Reply

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. These things happen, and you should feel good that you shut this down. Also think about how his behavior isn’t really that great. He’s not a great bf if he spends hours texting his gf’s friends every night. Like, I’m sure he’s cute and all but not great bf material.

    I think you’re doing everything right. Delete the texts and selfie.

    #850904 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Yeah. It’s pretty damn shady of HIM to text you THAT OFTEN. Really, though, this is all on him. Oh, I get it, you are having a WHAT Was I Thinking?! moment here.
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    Look, you WEREN’T thinking. As he kind snuck this up on you by escalating which truly could have been just a few innocent texts.
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    I’d back off — just as you have. But I would say NOTHING to your GF. Unless she brings it up. Then just say that yeah, you got carried away with the texting, etc. But that you cut it all off upon realizing frequent your texts were.

    #850905 Reply
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    Zara420

    It sounds you’re really in love with him. It also sounds like he fancies you more than his GF. If he and your friend break up, maybe it’ll be ok to start talking to him again. Technically, it’s ok because they’re not dating, and if you like him that and he likes you, I think you should be with him.

    #850907 Reply

    He doesn’t like her more. He’s dating her best friend.

    #850908 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    They’re the same person @Anonymousse. Lolz.

    #850909 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Hah. Pathetic.

    #850910 Reply
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    Helen

    Go easy. We were all pathetic at that age

    #850911 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    @helen, did you make up fake British personas and comment on your own posts?

    #850912 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Ok, @liasee, now that “Zara” has given up the game, we know that you were hoping that we’d tell you it was really ok to want your BFF’s boyfriend, you could just wait till they broke up and then start dating him because you just know he likes you better.

    Let me tell you how that’s gonna work out. Your BFF won’t be your BFF anymore. And you’ll have a boyfriend who hits on his girlfriend’s friends. What a prize.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar Essie.
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