Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › I have a MAJOR crush on my married boss!
- This topic has 1,404 replies, 69 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Sarah.
Cleopatra, can you explain to Sarah why she’d be putting herself in a bad spot, since she’s listening to you?Raccoon eyesMember
Sarah, I freely admit that I did not to listen to other people’s relationship advice until I was at least 25 or so. For the usual reason- my relationship and our love/connection/whatever was DIFFERENT! Whyyyy couldnt other people see that and stop trying to make my situation like their (usually past) situation?!?!?
Looking back now, who knows how or if my life would be different had I followed anyone’s advice back in the day. I’ll bet I would have gotten out of a couple of toxic situations faster than I did, but hey, it is what it is.
Im glad you have decided to take a step back from your situation. Good for you.EssieParticipant
Sarah, is your boss flirting/coming on to you/hitting on you? Or is it just that he’s a really cool guy you’d like to date? I’m just curious.
Look, everyone here has had crushes on bosses, supervisors, teachers, professors, etc. The thing is, none of us are going to tell you what you want to hear, which is “YES! It might happen! His happy marriage could just fall apart out of the blue next week, and he’ll see you standing there and realize you were the right woman for him all along!”
What you’re describing does happen – in the movies. Not so much in real life. In real life, broken marriages are painful and ugly, and people don’t just turn around and start dating someone. And in real life, bosses who get romantically involved with their employees generally lose their jobs, because bosses aren’t supposed to do that.
I’m sorry, but this isn’t going anywhere. The reality just isn’t going to match up with the fantasy. If you just can’t bear to be around him, start looking for a job somewhere else.Cleopatra JonesMember
Ok, I can try. 🙂
She could end up in a bad spot for a number of reasons. First, he’s your manager so the power dynamic in a relationship with him will never be equal. He has the ability to fire you if the ‘relationship’ goes sour or at least make your life a living hell at work. You also don’t want your co-workers to start gossiping about your relationship. It’s absolutely horrible to hear people say that the only reason you achieved X is because you slept with the boss (and trust me, they always say that).
Secondly, he’s married. You seriously don’t want to be the other woman because when it all comes out, he’ll likely stay with his wife and then you are going to be really pissed and bitter about the situation. Even if he left his wife for you, you wouldn’t ever be able trust him. I always tell friends that are in this situation…if you met him when he was cheating on another woman then you don’t get to be surprised or hurt when he cheats on you because you knew who he was.
Sarah seems like she might be young, so all of this could just be “OMG-my-boss-is-sooooo-hot & cool-for-an-old-dude”, because we’ve all been there. She just shouldn’t act on those raging young adult/teen hormones and she will be fine. Back in the day, when I was in the military…I had the HOTS for one of my drill sergeants. Seriously, I couldn’t even talk to him because I was so sure that my clothes would fall off in his mere presence. 😉 It was crazy but shortly after I left basic training, I was over him. I think I was so drawn to him because he was a grown up doing grown up things (raising a family and working on a career) and the young men I knew and dated weren’t yet at that level. That and the fact, that I love a physically fit man in uniform.
Sarah, it will be hard but don’t get into a physical or emotional relationship with him. Just figure out WHY you are attracted to him and then look for that (assuming it’s a healthy trait) in other relationships with men who are available to date you.Sarah bGuest
Essie I know what you mean but again bosses do date their employees sometimes is all I’m saying. And cleopatra no I’m 23 && I understandSarah bGuest
And let’s just say I lost my job would it still be unachievable?Sarah bGuest
I completely understand the facts. But believe it or not I know someone who had a thing with their boss for awhile then it stopped bc they didn’t wanna get caught but it went on for awhile. And like I said if I didn’t work there anymore then what?anonymousseParticipant
He’s married. He’s your boss. You could be fired. Most bosses don’t dare employees, because it’s an unequal power dynamic, and most companies do not allow that.
Don’t do it.Sarah bGuest
Also cleopatra what I’m saying is if the marriage didn’t work out. I never said I would ley him cheat on his wife with me. I would only do something if they got a divorce.bostonpupgalParticipant
Sarah, your are correct, bosses do date their employees sometimes. No one is perfect, and everyone sometimes makes a mistake. And to be very clear, a boss dating a subordinate is ALWAYS a mistake. It speaks to very poor judgement on the part of the manager, and is a terrible idea for the reasons Cleopatra lined out above. An even worse, and infinitely more damaging mistake, is for a married boss to cheat on his wife with a subordinate. There is nothing to be gained for you by obsessing over this man. I’m not sure why you’re insistently bringing up the “it could happen”argument while simultaneously claiming you don’t want anything to happen. Stop thinking about him, enjoy single guys your own age, and if necessary get a new job.Sarah bGuest
I meant again if he was single not married.anonymousseParticipant
You said in your original post that he was happily married. Not many people throw away a very happy marriage. Especially for someone they just hired. Get over this.