Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I have been frustrated and sad at work for 6 months now and I’m not healing

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I have been frustrated and sad at work for 6 months now and I’m not healing

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  • #889544 Reply

    Hello, I am Sey and I got employed as a in a company after my National service. Having serving for a year, a new office was opened where two staffs are supposed to occupy and do secretariat work. My boss selected me and another staff who is a male. On my second day to the new office, my boss called me to his office and told me that most of the staffs called the Regional manager to complain to him that I do not deserve to be there because I’m a new employee. Truth be told, it’s not a position. That particular office would make me loose some allowances but I don’t mind because I actually wanted freedom on weekends which I do not get as a cashier. So my boss asked me to pack and go back to my district which was a big shame and an embarrassment. I feel the regional boss hates me and just wanted to serve his gossip friends without taking the company and my feelings into consideration. I returned to my old district where i was mocked . The whole region mocked me and still mocks me. Sometimes I feel like resigning but I do not have any other income and I’m the bread winner of my family.
    Please help me to come out of this situation because I always cry when i come to work. I’m frustrated and sad. Since January. My field I really want to be in that office which was destined to be mine even though it’s been asigned to a different person who is equally a new employee. I feel hated and frustrated 😭😭

    #889556 Reply

    Yes, that sucks. Perhaps you shouldn’t take it as a personal humiliation, but as a mismanagement. I think that you could now ask for a meeting with your boss, who seems to have esteem for you as he had selected you at first, and tell him that you are still motivated by a change of your position. You were thrilled and very motivated, and the sudden change after a day was very difficult for you. It looked like a failure to your co-workers. Ask him what are your prospect in the company, and what you could do to have a perspective of progression? Perhaps you can have other ideas?
    A training in administration and office could be useful too, if you are more interested in a secretariat job than in retail. You could have a look at the offer in training in parallel with your work, and ask your boss wether the company would accommodate your timetable and possibly take part in the costs?
    You can also work on your resume and look for an other job. As you are young, your present job is a start in your career, so it wouldn’t sound surprising that after one or two years, you look for something closer to your interests.
    But try to focus more on what you want, rather than on the negative aspects of your present situation.
    About the mockery: if you feel really rejected by your co-workers, that should be reported to your hierarchy. Take note of what they say.
    If this is just gossip, say that this gets old and focus simply on your duty, turn the conversation on an other topic, make jokes yourself with the co-workers you like (there must be some, right?)

    #889567 Reply

    “So my boss asked me to pack and go back to my district which was a big shame and an embarrassment. ”

    Why? Why would you feel shame and embarrassment that your management screwed up? It was a mistake on their part. They either shouldn’t have transferred you in the first place, or they shouldn’t have listened to the whining from the other employees. They’re the ones who should have felt embarrassed, not you.

    I honestly can’t tell from your letter if you just had an unrealistic view of what a workplace is like and can’t get over the disappointment, or if your workplace is genuinely that bad. Regardless, the advice is the same.

    Stop sitting around crying and feeling sorry for yourself and DO SOMETHING. You are the only one who can make things better, and you can only do that by taking your life into your own hands and taking action. If you want more responsibility at work, make a case to your boss. Look around and see some other duties you feel you can take on. Make the argument to management. If you want people to see you as a valuable employee, show them that you are one.

    If you truly feel that you can’t continue at this job because everyone’s just a bunch of big meanies who are out to get you, then leave. There *are* other jobs in your field. OK, so you won’t be taking the same career path you thought you would when you started, but so what? There are many roads leading to the same goal. Make a different path.

    This is all dependent on you. You choose how your career plays out, you make it happen.

    #890220 Reply

    I understand what the above comment is trying to say, but it’ll be helpful to provide a solution of something to do rather than just say do something. Vague judgements with advice like that often makes the conversation more heated, and telling someone to stop crying often makes them cry harder. Someone can potentially die from a lack of income. Even more so with a family. If that’s not worth crying about, then I’m not sure what is.

    I do not see the point of fixing complaining with more complaining. Seems counterproductive than suggesting actual solutions or at the least being a good listener.

    ANyway, please try to look at the blog Ask A Manager, for a lot of career advice on how to stay afloat. If it’s hard to stay calm to think rationally for solutions, look up relaxation techniques for things to do. The site Be BRainfit has a lot of mental health advice for beginners too. Take care.

    #890226 Reply

    Thanks Faith. Couldn’t have worded it better!

    #890274 Reply

    I did provide some suggestions on what the LW can do to change their situation.

    1) Ask manager for more responsibility (shows initiative and may improve reputation in office)

    2) Look around for ways to contribute, tasks to take on (shows initiative, ability to self-start, may improve reputation in office)

    3) Rethink career path and look for another job that will get you to your career goals.

    Look, the OP has three possible choices: try to improve their situation at that workplace, find another workplace, or accept the situation and continue crying every day for the rest of their working years. Clearly the third option isn’t what they want or they wouldn’t have written in.

    That leaves them with either trying to make things better at the current job, or finding another job. Both require them to take action. To do something.

    It sounds like this is the LW’s first “real” job in their career path. The first thing to know about the working world is that you’re going to be expected to resolve your own problems. There’s nobody who’d going to do that for you. Certainly not at the kind of workplace the LW describes.

    As for the crying, sure, it’s OK to be upset when you suffer a setback or a disappointment at work. But crying every day? Since January? No. That solves absolutely nothing. The LW is frozen in place and has done nothing about their situation except ruminate over how unfair it is. It’s time to take action.

    #890277 Reply

    I don’t know how you could read this and not think the LW needs to do something (besides cry daily). At minimum I would recommend doing some disciplined mental work to reframe things in their head, like, this is a dysfunctional f’d up company run by idiots, and I’m not going to take things personally. Also, aggressively look for a new job. I think Allison Green on AAM gives decent advice, but I don’t know what you think she’s going to tell this LW besides don’t take this shit personally and look for another job.

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