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Dear Wendy

“I Ignored Red Flags”

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  • #991664 Reply
    avatarDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    “I am a teen that has been talking to a guy living another state since March. In the beginning of us talking he was a sweetheart but when it got to about the third week or so I started seeing red flags. But I continued to ignore them because he would sweet talk me. But try to lower self esteem and make me feel dumb.

    I feel like was is God sent that’s why I didn’t say anything but let it slide. I always had a feeling he was a player but I didn’t say anything about it. So as we started talking more he started getting disrespectful and stuff like that but he was still “kind of a sweetheart.” So I held on to the little attention he gave me. Fast forward I’m ghosting him because I’m upset about him disrespecting me. And then he tries to guilt trip me and I end up falling for it.

    Fast forward… A couple days ago he turned 19 years old. And it’s like ever since he turned 19 and started this 10 hour job he had he stopped contacting me and it’s like i always had to contact him. I know people make time for what they want. Because i now see another girl in the picture (this girl lives in the same state as him). And i am pretty sure he talks to that girl now.

    We were texting on snap (which is kind of unusual because he usually texts me.) And the last thing he said was “where you been at!!!”..as if a few days before that he didn’t text me at 12am and say he was going to call me later but never did. Someone else has his attention. And he used to label me as a bestfriend but treated me more like a sidechick but I think we both had feelings for each other. It just wouldn’t work out right now.

    I don’t know if I should test him or not. I am planning on not snapping him back to see if he would reach out to me via phone call. Or should i just simply text him back in snap. Since were just “friends.” But I am pretty sure he is the player type and I don’t want him to view me as a pick mesha or desperate. But i also don’t want to hurt his feelings by ignoring him (even tho he does it to me all the time.)

    I also feel used because on his birthday i typed a letter for him and i drew a picture of him (since were long distance). And he appreciated it but now i feel like i did all of that for no reason because he doesn’t even contact me anymore.

    Update:

    This guy and his girlfriend(the girl i spoke about) went to each others houses and took Christmas photos together. I think she even goes to his Church now. And she is alll over his Instagram and snapchat story on his lap and everything. I don’t know if he’s trying to make me jealous or not. This all happened so quick. It’s like he disrespected his way out of my life after 8 months just to be with her. My heart is in pain. I don’t know what to do.😭

    Any advice/tips? You can be completely honest with me by the way.”

    #991850 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    How old are you? “Teenager” is a wide range, and it matters in terms of what you’re up to online.

    First of all, don’t ever ever ever ever ever EVER think you have a “relationship” or are best friends with someone you have never met in person. I know that y’all all do shit online, but seriously. This was a zero from the beginning, because he lives in another state that you presumably cannot get to. The amount of energy you have put into this was out of all proportion. Your energy should go to real-life people in your real-life world. It’s a lot more fun, I promise.

    Secondly, if it feels like the level of effort is lopsided, get out immediately. THAT is how you keep from feeling used. Waiting months for the other person to reciprocate is not healthy.

    Thirdly, when people say that someone has “disrespected me,” that means (in my opinion) that their sense of self is very …. weak. People don’t OWE you anything. If you don’t like how someone is behaving, then move on. Don’t hang out waiting for them to validate you.

    This advice changes somewhat if you’re 13, so your age is important to know.

    #991851 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    As for what to do — nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except block him on all platforms. He has a girlfriend, despite whatever he is telling you. Block. Him.

    #991881 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    He has a girlfriend.

    What was your end game? You started texting with a guy who lives in another state…why? Even if he wasn’t mean and negging you, he still lives too far from you, right?

    Date guys in person, who you have the ability to have an actual relationship with. And pay better attention to red flags.

    #991995 Reply
    avatarPerson
    Guest

    I am 16 years old.

    #992008 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Don’t put up with anyone who disrespects you, romantically or otherwise. Don’t worry about his feelings. You’re likely one of dozens of girls he is chatting with online while he has an actual face-to-face girlfriend. If you block him, his feelings will not be hurt. He will simply continue flirting with other girls, or his actual girlfriend. Honestly, he may not even notice that you’ve blocked him.

    #992091 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    He’s not trying to make you jealous. He doesn’t care. He just likes thinking girls are into him. I had to Google “Pickmeisha,” but that’s what you’re being. Literally the only thing to do at this point is block and delete. You’re not here on this earth to beg and humiliate yourself for attention from some guy who you talked to online (I get it, pandemic, you’re bored), and was an ass to you the whole time. Stop. Move on.

    #992096 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Did you send him nudes?

    #992104 Reply
    avatarGuest
    Guest

    Ofcourse not. Besides i don’t know i saw him more as a bestfriend i guess. And I guess he did too because he called me his bestfriend but acted funny.

    #992110 Reply
    avatarGuest
    Guest

    I am so shocked by all of this because he is a Pastor’s son i wasn’t expecting this at all.

    #992135 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Shocked by all of what, though?

    #992136 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Please don’t let religion guide your judgment of people. It means nothing. Absolutely nothing

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