July 25, 2022 at 6:32 am #1112626LisforLeslieGuest
I think you already have the answer here but I think Fyodor really nails it: You like this person and you are disappointed that they choose to spend time with someone whose perspective is vile, misogynistic and bigoted.
But I think everyone’s pointed out that you’re taking a rather paternalistic view of this woman: She needs to be protected, she needs to be coached, she needs someone to open her eyes to the reality of this asswipe in your midst.
Yes, this guy is sus. And I’d be crossing the road to avoid him. But I don’t think you’d be writing this out if a man you were friends with starting hanging around him. Maybe if it were a guy you’d say straight out that the guy is a dick and you’re surprised that he’s hanging out with someone who so proudly boasts of being unkind. So stop with the private investigator schtick and the next time she starts up with the “isn’t he the dreamiest?” ask her “Do you agree with his opinion on women, gays, bodily autonomy, whatever” and then listen to her. And if her opinion sucks, drop her as a friend. She’s making choices. You have to make choices too. So what if they think you’re licking romantic wounds, you know the truth and all you have to say in response is that you thought she was more Christ-like and less judgemental, but now you know better.July 26, 2022 at 1:39 pm #1112693HazelParticipant
If she is aware of his views, and condones them and supports them then she is not someone I’d be attracted to were I you. I am assuming he is open about his views (if not then yes do tell her). I wouldn’t give either of them the time of day other than to tell them how ridiculous and wrong they are.July 31, 2022 at 9:43 pm #1112745ronGuest
Reading both your posts, you have a great deal of difficulty coloring within the lines. Since it sounds like you are studying to become a Minister within a non-authoritarian, non-fundamentalist congregation, you should seek counseling before advancing much farther in your studies. Your officious attitude will not go over well in the sort of congregation you wish to lead. You lack judgement and self-control. Of course, you have a conflict of interest with regard to this woman. Of course, you are not treating her as a responsible adult.August 1, 2022 at 9:34 am #1112752AnonymousseGuest
I agree completely agree with Ron, Whydoweexist?. This is going to hold you back if you do not address it and correct your behavior.August 2, 2022 at 11:08 am #1112783CopaParticipant
MYOB. If you need to spend less time with this woman to get your jealousy under control, that’s fine and you should do that. You should not be looking for ways to communicate your disdain for the man she sounds interested in. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if this other man was gossiping to her about how you treat the caterer, you know?