Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I know I’m going to get beaten up, what do I do!?

Home Forums Advice & Chat I know I’m going to get beaten up, what do I do!?

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  • #1034936 Reply

    The other day I had an altercation with a girl that slept with my ex and I ended up hitting her and we had a fight. I regret it so much, I should of never hit her or even approached her but I guess I was drunk and being an arsehole. She ended up having a lump on her head and I wasn’t hurt.
    This girl is from the same town as me and I am bound to see her out eventually. She has a big group of friends, one of the girls in that group hates me already (the feeling is mutual) and sent me a big paragraph saying ‘you’ve messed with the wrong girls’ and another girl in that group is a known fighter and is pretty ruthless so I’ve heard.
    I’m basically just scared, believe it or not I hate conflict. I can fight if I have to and have the tendency to go a bit crazy after having a drink + adrenaline… but it’s just me against them. I’m worried to see them all out as pubs are now opening, I’m not not going to go out and enjoy myself, but I am worried.
    I have definitely brought this on myself, I don’t want to look like a coward or appear scared but I am shitting myself. I guess I would just have to fight back if they jumped on me and hope it’s in a public place?
    If they did hurt me I wouldn’t get the police involved as I’m the one who started this whole thing.

    #1034940 Reply

    If you can’t control yourself when you drink to the point that you’re getting into altercations like this, you shouldn’t be drinking full stop.

    With that out of the way, your best bet is genuinely apologizing and hoping the group decides you’re not worth it and are satisfied knowing they’ve scared the shit out of you. Admit you were in the wrong and that you escalated the situation out of alcohol-fueled anger and took it out on the wrong person and that you’re sorry.

    I doubt the apology will be well-received but it’s the right thing to do and your best best to get her to move on.

    Otherwise, if you absolutely must go out (which, again, if you can’t control yourself, you really shouldn’t), stay with groups, stay in public places.

    #1034942 Reply

    You’re not gonna “go out and enjoy yourself!?!?” Do these consequences sound at all enjoyable to you? Whether it’s this month or next year, if you “go crazy” after having a drink, then you need help. Seriously.

    As for handling this mob, why don’t you apologize to the person you hit? Tell her exactly what you said here: “I regret it so much, I should of never hit her or even approached her.” Explicitly state: “I am sorry.” Don’t apologize because you’re scared, apologize because it’s the right thing to do. Leave her friends out of it.

    Stay out of pubs and look at getting help for your drinking.

    #1034943 Reply

    Yes, this is good advice. Apologize proactively and don’t let them catch you alone. Make sure you always walk with other people when you leave somewhere. And also, drink less. Learn your limits, and drink… less than that.

    #1034945 Reply

    Agree, apologise. You admit you were wrong here, so admit it to the girl you hit.But given current circumstances you have every excuse for not going out to bars and so forth; just because bars are open it doesn’t mean it is safe for many reasons.(unless you are in one of those places which does not currently have any coronavirus). Next time try to remember that if your ex cheated on you with someone, that is on them, never on her, unless she’s your best friend or something, and even then it is still mostly on them.Only go out with good friends , the ones who will get you home before you lose yourself in adrenalin alcohol and anger. Don’t go out with anyone who would join in a fight, that’s the last thing you need, choose those who would defuse and protect.

    #1034963 Reply

    Yes, you will need to coward down and be submissive. like everyone else has advised. You should also ask and offer to pay for this women’s medical bills if she has sustained financial loss.

    Then you need to contact a mental health provider and start addressing your drinking issues before it escalates into alcoholism and possibly on setting other mental health cognitive issues that may flare up due to substance abuse.

    #1034965 Reply

    Yes, your drinking here is the real problem. When one drinks to the point of violence —- they need to seriously re-examine their drinking.

    I guess try apologizing. But then —- really — stop all contact with this person. You have lost the privilidge to see this woman. End of story.

    #1034966 Reply

    PS — I have gotten INSANELY drunk in my past and I’ve never even once gotten into a bitter argument with somebody —- much less beaten them.

    Your violence is NOT normal.

    Nor is it caused by one drink + adrenaline.

    #1034971 Reply

    “The other day I had an altercation with a girl that slept with my ex and I ended up hitting her and we had a fight.”

    If you literally mean that you and your ex had broken up and then this woman slept with him, then you are a very sick puppy to think that you are allowed to get violent with her. Once a couple breaks up, they have zero rights on each other, either can sleep with whomever they want to.

    #1034982 Reply

    I took it to mean the girl slept with her ex while they were together. Which to my mind doesn’t excuse the violence either, this girl wasn’t the one who broke trust, unless they were besties perhaps, but that doesn’t sound likely. It’s so sad when women take it out on the wrong person. LW, your ex probably caused you enough grief, if he was unfaithful as it appears to me; don’t let him cause you any more.And don’t get into fights. Sometimes fights go horribly, life-changingly wrong. Someone falls down, cracks their head, and then you end up in jail or a wheelchair depending which side you were on; it’s not just a playground scrap once you are an adult.

    #1034984 Reply

    I mean, it’s perfectly reasonable to be angry at someone who slept with her partner when they were together. The issue is the fighting.

    #1034985 Reply

    Also, I assume that based on the reopening timing and your wording (“pubs”) that you’re in the UK. Consider holding off going out for a few months until everyone is vaccinated.

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