Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I Like My Boyfriend’s Best Friend More Than I Like Him

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I Like My Boyfriend’s Best Friend More Than I Like Him

This topic contains 11 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 1 week ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #841086 Reply
    avatar
    Claire

    I’ve been dating this guy for two months. I met him during a break with an ex and immediately started crushing on him, so much so that I ended it with the ex officially and started dating him.

    Early on introduced me to his best friend and we all started hanging out and formed our own little friend group. It was really nice, until I realized I was starting to develop feelings for the friend. “It’s fine,” I told myself. “I’ll get over it.”

    I was very wrong. I started hanging out with them both individually and realized I liked hanging out with the friend far more than I liked hanging out with my boyfriend. My boyfriend’s best friend quickly became my best friend, and I can’t say I’ve ever had a stronger emotional connection with a person than I have with the best friend. I love him. Every time we hang out I have a hard time saying goodbye, and I’ve never been treated with such kindness and respect.

    Not only do I love my best friend, but I the connection with my boyfriend is getting weaker. It’s still definitely there, and I still definitely like him, but it’s fading and it pales in comparison to what I have with the best friend. I’ve started to worry that he was just a rebound from my ex and I got caught in the rush of something new and shiny. As time goes on, I’m starting to notice more and more things I dislike about him.

    The problem is my boyfriend loves me, a lot. He’s very attached to me and seems to be extremely happy with me. However, he also has very bad insecurities about our relationship and has even expressed jealousy about our best friend. Adding to this, my best friend and my boyfriend have been friends for years and if I were to even try anything with the best friend, I could ruin their relationship. That’s to say the best friend would even like me back. I’m not unhappy in the relationship, I just find myself thinking about what could be and wanting my best friend more. Help?

    #841089 Reply
    avatar
    brise

    You are confuse, right? After two months, you can’t say that you “love” a man you never dated, that he became “your best friend”. All limits are blended in your perception. This guy (your boyfriend’s best friend) treats you with kindness and respect because you are his friend’s girlfriend.
    You shouldn’t hang out with him: he is your BF’s friend, not yours. You should have your own best friend, and friends in general. That is key for true independence, and healthy romantic relationship.
    Nothing is healthy in your present interactions. I guess the more your BF acts insecure, the less you like him and the more you get closer to his friend. All this is so delusional.
    Take a break with the “best friend” and focus on your boyfriend: date him and stop interacting with the other guy. That way, you will be able to assess your actual relationship, not the imaginary one you fantasise about. If it isn’t satisfactory, then end it. Perhaps you are just afraid of real intimacy, you are not ready for commitment. Hence, the fantasy about the “best friend” – classic avoidance tactic.

    #841096 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    He isn’t your best friend… after less than two months. He is your boyfriend’s best friend. For years. There is no “our” best friend. Frankly, you should have your own close friends. Where is your best friend from years ago? Do not cause drama between these two men. If you don’t feel the same, then break up with your boyfriend and walk away from both of them.

    It sounds like you should be single for a while. You jumped from your ex, whom you had to end things with, to the boyfriend and now want to jump to his friend. No. Just no. It sounds like you go all in and latch on to people then tire of them and look to latch on to someone else. Two months in and you are already scanning the horizon. Seriously. Be single for at least 6 months. If you like the way the friend treats you, then look for that treatment when you are ready to date again. In another man. Kindness and respect isn’t a high bar.

    It has only been two months and you sound young. Your boyfriend will get over you. What he feels isn’t love…it’s infatuation. Leave him to find a girl who is truly interested in him.

    #841100 Reply
    avatar
    ron

    You fall in love very easily, or more accurately I think you identify less-than-love as love. That’s 3 guys within 3 months. I’ll guess you liked them all, are attracted to them, but don’t love them. Odds are that none of them is THE guy for you. I feel confident in predicting there will be other guys who are better fits for you. For now, you seem in love with the idea of being in love and craving more than a little bit of drama.

    You are correct that you can’t make a play for your bf’s long-term best friend. That is guaranteed to blow up on all 3 of you. If you are tiring of your bf, it’s fine to break up with him. That means stepping back from both guys.

    #841101 Reply
    avatar
    Logan

    She’s a friend wrecker! and she is going to ruin this friendship.

    Best friends my ass, only known the new guys friend for 2 month, get a grip on your emotions, you’re psycho to be saying shit like that when you haven’t even dated the friend, yet shared a kiss. He is just a nice guy and treating you like he will treat others. What happens when he introduces a girl to the circle that he is getting close to? you will probably talk trash about her and find away to tarnish their relationship…

    #841103 Reply
    Daenora
    Daenora
    Member

    I’ve heard of rebounding, sure… but this seems more like rebounding and then hitting a wall and bouncing.

    Please take a step back from your boyfriend and his best friend for the time being. This is only going to end badly for all involved otherwise.

    You seem to (think you) fall in love very easily, which leads me to believe you’re either young, or perhaps there might be some attachment issues going on. Either way, you JUST got through a break-up. Give yourself some time before getting back into a romantic relationship.

    #841108 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    If you are already noticing men other than your boyfriend you need to break up with him. Then walk away. His best friend is off limits. This isn’t either stay with the boyfriend or try to be with his best friend. This is you already being over the boyfriend and the best friend being off limits. Break up and walk away from both. Then don’t date for a while. Get over all of these relationships before you date again. Then take your time getting involved with someone. Take it slow so that you don’t find yourself dating a guy who you are already over in only two months. If you take it slow you will realize it isn’t the right relationship before he is your boyfriend.

    #841122 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Omg (and LOL). Your boyfriend was a rebound from your ex. It was exciting and new, and now you’re growing bored and interested in other men. So now you break up with him. You don’t stay with him because he’s attached to you. Maybe he’ll be sad if you end things, but he’ll get over you soon enough. It’s only been two months.

    Your boyfriend’s best friend is not your best friend. If you’ve only been together two months, you’ve known his friend for less than that. Someone doesn’t become your best friend in what, six weeks? You’re infatuated, you have a crush. If you go for this guy, you’ll more than likely stir up some drama, so I’d advise against that.

    Move on from both guys. Be single for awhile. Cultivate your own friendships, which you sound in dire need of. Stop bouncing from guy to guy. Date again when you’ve moved on from your ex, your bf, and his friend.

    #841137 Reply
    avatar
    golfer.gal

    Oh good Lord. Grow up. Please tell me you’re in high school. You’ve been dating this guy for 2 months. He is justifiably insecure and jealous of you hanging out with his buddy who you admit you have a giant crush on and I’m sure that shows. The “problem” isn’t that your boyfriend likes you a lot and will be sad if you leave. The problem is you are effectively stringing him along at this point because you don’t really like him, or at least you don’t respect him very much since you’re hanging out “one on one” with his best friend and trying to get something going there. Staying with him because you think he can’t handle a breakup isn’t a good thing. You’re keeping him stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with him and that’s really selfish and unfair. Break up with him. You can try to ask out the friend but don’t be surprised if he decides to keep his friendship with your soon to be ex over being romantic with you. This whole thing should be a lesson on what you want from a partner, and when you know it’s time to move on from your current relationshop.

    #841162 Reply
    avatar
    anonymousse
    Member

    I agree with everyone else. He’s not your best friend. You need to break up with your bf and stop seeing both of them. Be single, and make some friends of your own.

    #841166 Reply

    Boy – people are being harsh on this poor girl! Does no one remember what it’s like to fall in love at the drop of a hat when you’re a teenager?

    There’s good advice mixed in with the condescension here. If you can step back a moment, you can see that you’re in a pattern – you get in a relationship, then someone new comes and you get interested in THAT person, until someone new comes along and you get interested in THAT person. etc. etc.

    It’s really a pretty normal phenomenon that will probably get better the more you date over time. You should probably move on from your current boyfriend because it seems like you’re losing interest and your only reason listed for staying with him is “it would make him sad”.

    You shouldn’t date his friend though, either. At least not right away. Give it 6 months to a year and you still feel that way, maybe you can go for it. But odds are, by then, you will have found interest in someone else.

    #841272 Reply
    avatar
    dinoceros
    Member

    Well, you shouldn’t date someone if you find that they are your second-choice to someone else, regardless of whether you pursue the best friend. But you seem to have a habit of starting to like other people while in a relationship. Is it just that you get bored easily? Do you just jump into relationships before deciding it’s the right person? It seems like you maybe should figure that out first before you start dating the best friend and then start liking someone else in the middle of that relationship…

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
Reply To: I Like My Boyfriend’s Best Friend More Than I Like Him
Your information: