Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I like two people at once, and I don’t know how to choose.

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I like two people at once, and I don’t know how to choose.

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  • #913253 Reply
    avatarConfused
    Guest

    Inside my head, this is a really big deal, so a bit of understanding would be amazing.
    I’ve been crushing on my friend’s younger brother.
    I recently went to this overnight class and met a guy. The guy I just met and I had sex and definitely have a connection, but I just feel like he loves me more than I love him. And I kind of love my friend’s brother and him.

    How do I choose? Or should I just cut ties with both?
    I need advice.

    #913624 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Why do you need to choose? What’s the action item? Is either of them asking you to be exclusive with them?

    #913642 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    It’s also a little alarming to see you write that you love someone or someone loves you who you either just met or are only crushing on. There’s no “love” in these contexts, just liking or fantasizing or lust.

    #913656 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Do you really love your friend’s brother? Or do you like him? Do you really know your classmate is in love with you, or just that he likes you?

    You’re not in a relationships with either of them. There’s no choice that needs to be made, immediately.

    (I tend to think it’s a bad idea to get involved with siblings of close friends.)

    #913715 Reply
    AkeathAkeath
    Participant

    I would only pursue your friend’s brother if you are okay with losing that friendship and you don’t have a friend group that you would lose as well if you had awkward or angry relationship with that friend.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by AkeathAkeath.
    #920510 Reply
    avatarConfused
    Guest

    Yes the one I just met wants to be exclusive and has already started being protective and trying to get me to say he’s my boyfriend.

    #920511 Reply
    avatarConfused
    Guest

    And definitely I appreciate all the helpful advice everyone is giving, it’s helping me out a lot right now.

    #920829 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I think you should tell him you’re not ready to be exclusive and you want to get to know each other better. Or you could tell him you like him but the chemistry isn’t there, and just stop seeing him.

    #920941 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Stop seeing the possessive guy. Possessiveness isn’t cute or flattering, its controlling and a giant red flag. Be cautious with any guy who demands a quick commitment. That doesn’t mean he really likes you, its a manner of control.

    #921114 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yeah really, your best bet is to just stop seeing him entirely, as possessive behavior and pressuring you into exclusivity (and saying he loves you??) this soon are bad signs. But you might have to learn that the hard way. Definitely don’t agree to exclusivity though.

    #921326 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Definitely do not keep seeing that guy. And don’t be surprised if he turns mean when you turn him down. I’m not saying that you deserve that, only that it happens. No one is entitled to your time, attention or exclusivity just because you had sex once.

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