fbpx
Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I meet my soulmate but my family doesn’t want to see it this way

Home Forums Advice & Chat I meet my soulmate but my family doesn’t want to see it this way

  • This topic has 29 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by Sofia.
Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 30 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #1109719 Reply
    Sofia
    Guest

    Hi!
    Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for writing an answer. Thanks to you and a lot of other comments I realized I didn’t give enough information which makes it hard to get it completely as some of you pointed out.
    First, I wasn’t taking about moving now. When him and I talk about moving in together in Nigeria, we are talking about doing so in a year or a year and a half. He knows I’m not ready to do so yet and he’s convinced it’s too early for me.
    Second, he never ever forced me to. He thinks this can bring amazing opportunities for him and I because of course he wants me to have a job there and we will look for it together. And more importantly , he always told me: “if you don’t want to go just tell me and I’ll stay where we are and follow whatever you want to do”
    What does that mean, that he really isn’t telling me that I have no choice, he’s just considering it a good option for both (for the 2/3 y that are ahead) before we relocate to Europe as that’s where we want to live.

    So of course he’s willing to pass up a job for me.

    Finally, the reason why we talk about engagement is because he knows my family won’t accept me to live with him if we’re not engaged as we come from a pretty conservationist background. Hope my answer can help you understand this better! Thank you!

    #1109720 Reply
    Sofia
    Guest

    Hi! Thank you for taking the time to read my story and answer my doubts.
    He was acting shy first because he really is. second that’s the day he knew he had to go to Nigeria so he was really not feeling ok. He talked to him but really barely and I could realize he wasn’t feeling well.

    He totally knows because I told him, and he felt so bad about it and he’s ready to do whatever it takes to correct it. So he’s not trying to pretend he did right, at all. Actually they met a second time and went really well. But of course first impression remains. He’s going to our home country soon where my brother is right now and he’ll go and see him to talk to him and do whatever it takes to earn his trust. At the end of the day he only wants to show that’s he’s here out of love

    #1109721 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    4 months is soon though to say you will give up a job that’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, don’t you think? Do you think if you tell him you don’t want to go but to please follow his dream, he’ll go?

    And I still think it’s completely unacceptable to not speak to the family of the person you think is your potential life partner when you meet them. That’s very much a red flag, that he’s unable to regulate himself to behave normally or even politely.

    #1109722 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    “In the meantime, he wants to move to Nigeria for work. He wants to go there to work because he thinks he has once in a lifetime opportunity. I think it might be the case. I encourage him to go but struggles to go without me.. he can’t imagine going there if I don’t join him in a year or so, although he really understands I can’t promise anything now.”

    This is what you wrote. You didn’t say in a year and a half. From what you wrote above, it made it really sound like he was trying to rush an engagement, to rush a marriage, to get you to Nigeria. What is this once in a lifetime opportunity that he will move for?

    Why does the first impression remain, if the second meeting went so well? Why does your brother believe you deserve better?

    How long have you known this guy?

    #1109723 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Okay, but earlier you wrote, “ he wants to move to Nigeria for work. He wants to go there to work because he thinks he has once in a lifetime opportunity,” so I don’t understand how the news that he’d be going to Nigeria upset him so much that he couldn’t be polite. Especially because it sounds like it’s totally his choice to go or not go. I don’t get it.

    #1109724 Reply
    Sofia
    Guest

    Hi!
    Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for writing an answer. Thanks to you and a lot of other comments I realized I didn’t give enough information which makes it hard to get it completely as some of you pointed out.
    First, I wasn’t taking about moving now. When him and I talk about moving in together in Nigeria, we are talking about doing so in a year or a year and a half. He knows I’m not ready to do so yet and he’s convinced it’s too early for me.
    Second, he never ever forced me to. He thinks this can bring amazing opportunities for him and I because of course he wants me to have a job there and we will look for it together. And more importantly , he always told me: “if you don’t want to go just tell me and I’ll stay where we are and follow whatever you want to do”
    What does that mean, that he really isn’t telling me that I have no choice, he’s just considering it a good option for both (for the 2/3 y that are ahead) before we relocate to Europe as that’s where we want to live.

    So of course he’s willing to pass up a job for me.

    Finally, the reason why we talk about engagement is because he knows my family won’t accept me to live with him if we’re not engaged as we come from a pretty conservationist background. Hope my answer can help you understand this better! Thank you!

    #1109726 Reply
    Sofia
    Guest

    Hi!

    Thank you for your great tips and advices and for taking the time to give me an answer.
    I agree you should see flaws and indeed I see. I know he can get upset about things pretty easily (such as bad service in a restaurant but never with regard to me), and he also struggles to make decisions so I need patience to allow him to choose (it can be as simple as what having for dinner and in fact he always allows me to choose whatever makes me happy anyways).
    my mom married my dad quickly so besides my brother feedback she loved him. she met him and knows hes a good guy. shes just waiting to know more about him and hisi family and I think her past traumas of marrying young and having kids at a young age are haunting her.

    He is not trying to move me away from my family as he had this job offer before getting to know me and loves it since the really beginning.

    I realized I didn’t give enough information which makes it hard to get it completely as some of you pointed out.
    First, I wasn’t taking about moving now. When him and I talk about moving in together in Nigeria, we are talking about doing so in a year or a year and a half. He knows I’m not ready to do so yet and he’s convinced it’s too early for me.
    Second, he never ever forced me to. He thinks this can bring amazing opportunities for him and I because of course he wants me to have a job there and we will look for it together. And more importantly , he always told me: “if you don’t want to go just tell me and I’ll stay where we are and follow whatever you want to do”
    What does that mean, that he really isn’t telling me that I have no choice, he’s just considering it a good option for both (for the 2/3 y that are ahead) before we relocate to Europe as that’s where we want to live and his job allows him this option.

    So of course he’s willing to pass up a job for me.

    Finally, the reason why we talk about engagement is because he knows my family won’t accept me to live with him if we’re not engaged as we come from a pretty conservationist background. Hope my answer can help you understand this better! Thank you!

    #1109727 Reply
    sofia
    Guest

    Because at first he didnt want to go as he just had a little amount of information regarding the job position at that time!

    #1109728 Reply
    sofia
    Guest

    He knew about this opportunity before we were even together, and got to know more about it while dating. He wants to get engaged because of the fact that my family is really conservative and knows I wont be able to follow him if we don’t get engaged.

    I ve known this guy for almost 5 months and we are not talking about me leaving everything to nigeria now but only in a year or year and a half to join him

    the company is owned by his best friends family and he knows it will bbe a good opportunity in the long run

    #1109729 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Let him go to Nigeria and see about the job and in a year and a half when he’s back and has improved his standing with your family, then get engaged.

    Love will wait.

    Why doesn’t your brother approve, if the second meeting went so well?

    Your mother was married after a short time and maybe things worked out for her, but it doesn’t for most. If even she is telling you to slow down, you should slow down.

    #1109730 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    You said earlier, your family has so much influence over you that you’re starting to doubt him.

    How old are you?

    #1109734 Reply
    Sofia
    Guest

    That’s the issue it didn’t go that well at all that’s why she’s scared.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 30 total)
Reply To: Reply #1109735 in I meet my soulmate but my family doesn’t want to see it this way
Your information: