I need relationship advice

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  • Walpne
    July 5, 2023 at 9:56 am #1123549

    So there’s this girl, she was a schoolmate I often exchanged glances with, but that was as far as our interactions went. This summer though, she texted me and we became fast friends. 3 weeks later she confessed to me and in a moment of panic and confusion I accepted. Now we’re in a relationship but after letting it marinate a day in, maybe I’m not romantically interested in her as I thought I was?

    When she tells me ‘I love you’ I don’t feel butterflies and just guilt. I’m definitely an asshole. It’s my first ever romantic experience so I was confused. Should I break up? Or go along the relationship and see where it goes? I know this will hurt her and I’m such a coward, so I can only come here for advice.

    July 5, 2023 at 11:29 am #1123551

    So it’s July 5th now, which means at most you’ve been in a relationship for a month, and she’s already saying “I love you”. You’re feeling trepidation because there clearly is an imbalance of feelings here.

    You can and should break up with her. That doesn’t make you an asshole. What would make you an asshole is staying in a relationship with someone you aren’t interested in.

    If you want, you could stay in the relationship, but to do so you need to be honest with about how you’re feeling and get her to pump the breaks a bit.

    Whichever route you choose will result in hurt feelings probably. You just need to decide what you want.

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    July 5, 2023 at 11:51 am #1123553

    If you realize you’re no longer romantically interested in someone, you should break up with them — be that a year or more in, or, as seems to be your case, one day. You can’t undo what you did in your moment of panic and confusion, but it is actually a kindness in dating to end things politely but directly.

    It’s hard to tell from what’s written, but have you even spent any time together this summer or has your friendship and now relationship been completely over text? I’m assuming you’re both very young, so yes, there may be some hurt feelings, but I don’t think it will be as bad as you seem to be expecting. And, assuming you learn something from this experience, you’re not an asshole!

    July 5, 2023 at 12:21 pm #1123554

    Have you hung out in person this summer?

    Just try to be as kind as you can, it hard for both sides in these young relationships.

    July 5, 2023 at 2:52 pm #1123555

    You’re not an asshole, not by a longshot. Dating is about getting to know one another and determine if you are compatible. It sounds like this isn’t working for you and for no other reason than you’re not feeling it. Which is totally normal and totally fine. This is a valid reason to break up with someone.

    You will make her upset. There is no getting around it. But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. There is no magic phrase that you can utter that will not make her sad or angry.

    What you can say are variations of the “it’s not you, it’s me”

    “I was very flattered when you asked me out, but I don’t think I’m ready for this kind of relationship right now and I need to step back.”

    “You are a great person and you deserve someone who can love you the way you deserved to be loved, but that isn’t me. I can’t give you the love you deserve.”

    “You are a great person, but you’re not the right person for me. I can’t articulate it, I can’t force it and I won’t because one day I’ll resent you, and you’ll resent me. If we end this now, we can both heal and move on.”

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