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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I really like my best friends ex boyfriend

Home Forums Advice & Chat I really like my best friends ex boyfriend

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  • #1109699 Reply
    Lauren
    Guest

    So long story short is that I really like my best friend’s ex boyfriend. They dated for 3 years and broke up around a year ago. While they were together I thought of him like a brother, we hung out all the time (with and without my best friend). I never had any feelings for him then, he was just one of my best friends. They had a pretty messy break up and don’t talk at all now. I am still really good friends with both of them. A few months ago I started to get feelings for him. I tried to push them away at first, but they just got stronger and stronger. We hang out ALL the time and even stay in each other’s beds after nights out (but only cuddle). Last weekend he tried to kiss me and I really wanted to kiss him back but I knew it was wrong so I pushed him away. We both know we have feelings for each other but both know that it’s wrong. On top of this, one of my best friends started hooking up with my ex boyfriend and I HATED it so much, and I told her that it made me feel terrible. Now I feel like I would be a hypocrite if I started dating my best friend’s ex. WHAT DO I DO?!?! Do I try and push away my feelings, do I talk to my best friend and tell her how I feel about him and ask what she thinks? If so, how do I even approach that conversation? She has a new boyfriend and they are very much in love, but I know that doesn’t make things any better…

    #1109708 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    People don’t own their ex. If the two of you are really into each other, then you should date. It isn’t wrong to kiss him. He shouldn’t be telling you negative things about your friend, his ex. Yes, you’ve proven yourself to be a hypocrite. I hope you didn’t cause your friend to break it off with your ex. You should expect to lose this guy’s ex as a friend.

    I imagine your friend group is already experiencing a strain with two former couples in the group. Do your part to help the group work through that.

    Being from an older generation, it surprises me that the current, especially collegiate, hookup culture is still existing side-by-side with the ‘none of my friends can date or hookup with my ex, or even somebody I dated. If you and friends are dating within your friend group, then you all have things to work out.

    #1109711 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    You don’t mention whether your best friend knows how close you and her ex are. I’d be surprised if, as your best friend, she did not know how close you’ve gotten, but you didn’t mention it at all. Her feelings around the nature of your friendship with her ex may provide a good indicator of how she’d feel if you dated.

    Since it was a messy breakup, odds are higher that you will end up having to pick between a relationship with this guy and your best friend’s friendship. Are you ready to do that?

    #1109713 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    What Copa said. What does she think of your friendship?

    You guys hang out all the time, spend the night in his bed, etc. what exactly would be different if you were kissing him, too?

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