Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I started crying and he said "Oh god!!"

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I started crying and he said "Oh god!!"

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 62 total)
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  • #673259 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Guest

    “Why do you sound annoyed?”

    That’s him trying to figure out why you are upset because he doesn’t know. Why do you assume he just knows why you are upset? You were upset when he called you and you hung up on him. Why is he supposed to know what that was all about. I think you were transferring some of your anger from work to your boyfriend. If it is a bad relationship move on but at the same time be aware of your part in it not working. If you won’t talk to him and you hide emotions that aren’t upbeat he will have no idea what’s happening with you. You filled us in with the background of what was happening so that we would understand but you haven’t done the same for him. He deserves at least as much information as you gave us. This is a skill you need to learn for any relationship to work. Even if you are breaking up it wouldn’t hurt to practice that kind of communication now.

    #673263 Reply
    bagge72
    Participant

    I mean after reading the initial post, I wasn’t sure what to say, I mean you didn’t give really any good context on what happened, I mean you hung up on him, and hadn’t talked to him sense. I seriously thought that maybe you guys were in your 20’s because of how childish this whole thing sounds. But now I kind of feel bad for this guy, I’m guessing he gets a lot of crap like this, where you’re upset with him, and don’t tell him why. It just sounds like he probably puts up with a lot, it sounds like his girlfriend is super childish, and sulks anytime something goes wrong. Now this is just my opinion from what I read, but yeah you’re a grown up who through a tantrum, and wants to break it off with you boyfriend of 2.5 years because he doesn’t know why you are upset because you never told him.

    #673266 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I’m confused too… you said he does a lot of big things for you, but nothing really negative about him except his daughter is a pain. You said you feel like you can’t express yourself around him, and he may not appreciate you enough – but why do you feel this way? Is he really a bad guy, or is some of this on you? It’s just confusing to see someone go from planning a romantic getaway to “he’s a jerk and I’m dumping him” in a week. What happened? Was he always a jerk and you were kind of in denial?

    #673267 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    And yeah, like people said, if you haven’t even talked to him about why you’re upset… it’s not really fair to judge him for not getting it. You don’t have to pretend not to be annoyed, you can talk about it.

    #673268 Reply
    Essie
    Participant

    I’m still thinking there’s a lot more to this story, because I haven’t read anything that explains why you’re so incredibly angry with this man (and his daughter). Honestly, it sounds like you loathe them both.

    But that doesn’t really matter. You can’t stand him, you can’t stand his daughter. There’s nothing here to salvage. Break up, and date someone who doesn’t make you angry. Life is too short to be this unhappy in a relationship.

    #673271 Reply
    bagge72
    Participant

    Yeah I’m with Essie, I would say my reply goes only from the information provided, and I do think if we were to hear what actually happened, and some back story with the relationship, and past instances of something like this happening I maybe wouldn’t be so harsh. But I can only go by what has been written here.

    #673281 Reply
    Ron
    Guest

    I think it’s transference of anger from the guy at work, whom she’s convinced herself she can do nothing about, to her bf for not being able to telepathically tell what’s wrong over the phone. They don’t seem emotionally compatible and she seems absurdly high drama/maintenance — who plays this ‘guess why I’m upset’ game for this sort of ‘offense’ which was really entirely an office matter he was unfortunate enough to phone her at its conclusion. It’s fine that she’s decided to drop the guy. If he had written in with this story, I’d advise him to MOA.

    #673284 Reply
    Firestar
    Guest

    Context is key. Saying “why are you annoyed” is either a caring question…or a contemptuous dismissal. Same for “Oh God” on hearing you cry. It turns on tone. And history really. So if you say he’s dismissive of your feelings, I’ll believe you. And that’s good enough a reason to leave. If you haven’t had a conversation about expectations of support then you might want to… If you are interested. If you have no interest in continuing anything then end it. But make sure your next boyfriend is clear about your expectations.

    #673287 Reply
    Janelle
    Guest

    No I did not give enough context, just kind of spewed the basics. Bottom line is it was a very rude tone, annoyed voice. When we spoke this morning he said “everyone gets upset sometimes, get over it. Not my problem.” This is how he tends to behave hence my anger at him…beyond over his very selfish attitude and how if something doesn’t affect him then its a non problem. Heck I said owe due to a cramp the other day and in response got “oh suck it up it doesn’t even hurt”. As Jennifer Aniston said on Friends “no uterus, no opinion” ha. But yes it was a build up of me being over his behavior.

    Anyway, I told him I wasn’t interested in dating anymore this morning. He didn’t seem to care so oh well. I feel relieved to not hear a response like that ever again frankly.

    There were of course other things pushing me to the edge with him. I am sure he has his own reasons with me for feeling annoyed or whatever but I cannot speak for him. In the long run it’s clearly not a good match.

    #673358 Reply
    Firestar
    Guest

    Sounds like the right call.

    There are times I am amazed at what I have to explain to my husband. My wickedly smart and apparently completely clueless husband. I don’t get why he doesn’t know things I consider basic. More than one girlfriend has had to talk me down from a ledge. But he legitimately doesn’t realize somethings until I tell him. So I am now of the camp of explaining things I never thought I’d have to explain.
    But there is a difference between that.. and dealing with an ass. Sorry your ex was an ass.

    #673737 Reply
    Janelle
    Guest

    Fun fact I bought myself a pair of stupid expensive beautiful shoes as a break up gift. Now I stalk UPS tracking. WOO HOO! YAH SHOES!

    #673760 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    I don’t get this at all. Stop crying at work. Honestly? Its pathetic. Do people REALLY cry a work? “Oh God.” is right.

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