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Dear Wendy

I think it’s time to leave… Should I?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I think it’s time to leave… Should I?

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  • #1093710 Reply
    Ms. Tired

    I have been with my husband for 13 years. From the moment we got together it had been a crazy rollercoaster. When we first started talking he was a cheater and later on found out he was physically abusive. However I stayed with him to show him I didn’t want to give up on him. He had been thru alot and I thought if I stayed I could help him. We currently have 5 kids and another on the way. Over time he got help for his abusive ways and he stopped physically hurting me. However over time he started literally losing his mind. He is paranoid schitzo etc.. He started not too long ago doing a volunteer thing for a plasma center for anthrax shots. Over time he was making good money for it, but I slowly seen his mentality was changing. He stopped going to the program, but sadly I could see the damage is done. Long story short, he is crazy. He thinks everyone is following him now. He is in a lawsuit w a corporation and he thinks that every car at every gas station or on the road is them watching him. He swears that people are tampering w his car. He stands outside of gas stations sometimes yelling at random people accusing them of harassment. I am worried because with road rage the way it is, one day he is gonna yell at the wrong person and someone is gonna kills us or him. The worst part is that he has turned his attitude to me and the kids. If something is missing of his, he yells at us and blamed us for stuff missing. He claims we did it to sabatoge him and he blames mostly everything on me. One minute he loves me and I’m the best woman he has ever had. Another I am an evil bitch that purposely does thing to him to hurt him and destroy him. I swear that this man yells at me all the time. Everything is my fault. If it is broken I immediately get blamed and told that I did it on purpose. If his lighter or something is missing, he doesn’t even take the time to look for something he just acuses me of taking it to mess with him. He loves to embarrass me in public. He will roll the windows down and yell at me, scream, get in my face and yell. People will be looking shaking there heads and he just doesn’t care. He will spit on me sometimes, he throws stuff at me. He does this to just embarass me. He has literally embarrassed me in front of every person I do know. I don’t have friends because he won’t let me go out and make none. I’m not allowed to to any party or get together. His sister had a Bachelorette party and I couldn’t go to that. I was told what a whore I was and how I didn’t want the same things in life as him. How he wants to settle down and stay home away from people and I’m just this woman who wants to party all the time and I have not been out in the 13 years I have been w him. I am not even allowed to go out for some drinks w my mom. I m trying to be a good woman and love this man thru is problems but I am really getting tired of him and his shit. I have been a good woman that really has stuck by him thru everything he has done to me but he makes it hard. I meet so many men and women that like me and want to talk to me but I turn them down. Yet I am just called a whore and bitch among other things every day. What is the point any way. He has nothing nice to say to me sometimes he wishes me dead. I am thinking about just taking my money on the 15th and just finally leaving. Give him what he wants. He tells me he wants me out of his life anyway so why not just go. He says all this hateful stuff to me and then gets mad cause I won’t have sex w him after he says all this shit to me. He only cares about what u do to hurt his feelings even when he is obviously wrong he still makes himself the victim. It’s old and tiring and I don’t want to do this any more. I am ready to just move on. Can someone pls help me. I need someone to talk to.

    #1093718 Reply

    No long response needed here-you need to get out and get your kids out of this toxic environment. Get help and support because he will likely raise hell when you go. Good Luck!

    #1093732 Reply

    I think it was time to leave 13 years ago, but times just wasting away! Get out of that house before he seriously hurts you or the kids and do it in the safest way you can. You have to find someone you trust to help you. Or just call the police the next time he starts his shit and have him removed from the home, and get a restraining order.

    #1093741 Reply

    It sounds like there are a million reasons to leave, but the most important one is YOUR KIDS. He is volatile, impulsive, and dangerous. You say that you have tried to be a good wife, to be there for him, to be supportive, etc etc etc… What you need to focus on now is being a good mom, being there for your children, and protecting them. You brought them into this world, and they deserve better than what they’re getting right now. Every moment you stay is a moment of danger for you and your kids. I wish you the very best in your efforts to leave. Be safe.

    #1094269 Reply
    Teri Anne

    Abusive men often escalate their abuse when their victim leaves. The husband is already dangerous, and I am worried that he may hurt you or the kids. Before you leave, you need to find a safe place to stay where your husband cannot find you. You also need to bring critical documents such as birth certificates with you. Good luck.

    #1094280 Reply

    Your husband sounds mentally ill. Not sure why it took you six kids to figure that out. Yikes. Good luck. This could get really messy. So, brace yourself. Hopefully, you have family you can rely on. I don’t have any quick answers or solutions — sadly.

    #1094335 Reply

    Your kids are watching this and thinking its normal.

    #1094456 Reply

    Leave. Please contact any family/friends who can help. But definitely call the National Domestic Abuse hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to talk to someone and get guidance on how to break away from this abusive person.

    Put your kids first and foremost; think about what your children are observing and absorbing. They are learning that this is how “loving” relationships work, and they will continue this cycle in their lives. You can be the person that decides the current abuse situation is not what you want to pass along to them.

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