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“I Told People That My Friend’s Husband Came On to Me and Now She’s Mad (at Me)”

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  • #856719 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    I just came across this post, “My Friend’s Husband Came On to Me,” and unfortunately have already made the mistake of sharing with a couple of mutual friends including a good friend of the guy that my friend’s husband did the same to me. In this case there was no physical contact but there have been various inappropriate comments and conversations 1.5years back when they were engaged and even recently a few weeks ago when his wife was out of town. I shared with his friend about the stuff 1.5years ago and somehow yesterday that friend has told this married guy. This married guy came to meet me and confront me to ask if I went around telling anyone that he came on to me. I said no – it was a lie as I was scared. But today morning I received multiple horrid messages from the wife and I’m not sure what to do.

    #856740 Reply
    avatarcdobbs
    Guest

    i wouldn’t worry about it….he is the one who is in the wrong….the wife is way out of line and should be directing her anger at her dog of a husband….keep your chin up LW….those people are not worth worrying about

    #856745 Reply
    SkyblossomSkyblossom
    Participant

    It’s best to say nothing to the good friends of a guy like that. In general you try to minimize time with him or eliminate him from your life entirely.

    He will tell his wife that you are telling lies about him and she will defend him which will make you a terrible person in her mind. This is a no win situation for you.

    Keep your distance and don’t tell his friends anything.

    If he has done the same with other women then you might hear from some of them.

    #856755 Reply
    avatarcdobbs
    Guest

    this story totally reminds me of a similar situation i was in as a teenager….i was 16 and had my horse boarded at a farm out in the middle of no where….the blacksmith was this perverted older married guy and he grabbed me and tried to kiss me one time….i told my riding teacher that i didn’t want to use him anymore and told her the story (she was friends with him and his wife)….a few days later i get a call from him (with his wife laughing in the background) telling me to stop spreading lies about him….i was so shocked i couldn’t even say anything….he ended up hanging up on me and after that everyone thought I was lying! (even my riding teacher!)….grrrr!

    #856819 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    LW, its your story to tell to whomever you want to tell it to. It’s true that by sharing what happened more than likely you’ll be the one that faces consequences and not him (which is bs) so you have to weigh that. Truthfully though you’re better without this couple in your life. Please know you did nothing wrong.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by CurlyQueCurlyQue.
    #856857 Reply
    avatarejrundt
    Member

    Yep, the husband is a lowlife and your friend (the wife) is in denial.

    #856860 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Wow, I disagree with everyone. If you’re going to talk about this, talk to his wife. She’s your friend, you said. Why would you gossip about this to other people instead of talking to her directly in a mature way? It sounds like you don’t even know his friends, so why are you triangulating with them? You’re dragging multiple people into something very personal for her, and now you’re lying “because you’re scared,” which adds even more confusion.

    Either direct your comments to the one person who matters, or keep your mouth shut. (Too late for all that now.)

    #856888 Reply
    bittergaymarkBittergaymark
    Guest

    Yeah. I think you goofed a bit by talking to the wrong people about this. Oh — and not sticking to your story? Sadly, that was not exactly a bright move either.

    Yeah… I would have kept my mouth shut as I hate drama. In fact, I have done just that many times under very similar circumstances…

    There is nothing you can salvage here. Just walk away. That’s really all you can do now.

    #856917 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    I understand when confronted you got scared, but it actually made things worse because he knows the truth and he’s doing damage control. She’s mad at you because either she knows the truth and she hates that her husband is a cheating creep or she truly believes that you’re lying and is angry about that.

    The best option is to call her on the phone and meet her and tell her the truth including the intimidation. But understand you’re blowing this person’s world up. People hate change. And they really hate when they find out the person they trust the most, doesn’t deserve that trust.

    #856923 Reply
    avatarTiara
    Guest

    I do think you made a mistake telling everyone but your friend about this. If I was in her shoes I would probably think you are lying and just wanted something to gossip about. Hell his friend might have thought that as well. The way she is reacting is terrible but at the same time she probably really does believe you are lying.

    #856967 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    I very much disagree with the above. The husband is the one who acted out of line, LW doesn’t owe him or anyone else to act discreet. While i agree that lying didn’t help the situation i can also understand why she felt “scared” and cornered. Husband has everything to lose in this situation, of course she’d feel scared when he confronted her.

    Regardless i’d say these friends are not friends and to leave them in the dust. Use your remaining friends as a support group while you deal with what i’m sure are a lot of emotions.

    #856998 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Her friend’s husband made suggestive remarks to LW. And you think that means LW doesn’t owe her friend a heads-up!? Or any discretion at all?! It has nothing to do with saving face for the husband, it’s simply a humane thing to do for her friend. Gossiping about it all over the place, with people she barely knows, is awful. That’s not the way to be a friend.

    The husband acted out of line, so LW is going to hurt her friend, who is already getting hurt by someone she trusts?!?

    If anyone needs to learn some things about friendship, it’s the LW, who is adding a LOT of fuel to this fire.

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