“I Want More from My FWB”
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From a LW:
“I’ve been seeing this guy as a fwb type of thing. Things have been great. We get along very well and are very much attracted to each other. The problem is it’s not 100% what I want. I would like to eventually be in a relationship but after being single for years and no sign of that changing (I’ve been really depressed the past couple of years so its probably better I not be in a relationship) its nice to have someone around. My biggest issue is that he keeps giving me mixed signals. When we go without talking for a week or so he’ll tell me he misses me. He saves things he enjoys, like a really good expensive beer he bought, and shares it with me. He still wants to hang out even if we can’t have sex and we do things I would do with a boyfriend or friend. Yet, whenever I bring up the idea of being in a relationship up he brushes me off. I have been fairly distance these past few weeks and the more distant I am the more he does affectionate things. Should I give this time to see what happens? I am not a believer that he will change his mind but I see his actions becoming more involved than just a fwb thing. Can anyone speak guy? lol.”
Hi.You entered this “agreement” as FWB. Often, someone ends up wanting more and it is usually the woman. Whatever this seems like to you….”he misses me, we don’t always have sex etc.”, he has made it clear to you that this is “all there is”.
My advice is to break it off before you invest more time and emotion. Take some time,recognize that you actually are ready to be in a relationship and look for someone with similar goals and desires. Now,it is possible he may suddenly step up his game, but I would not expect it. Move on because you want and deserve more.
I have been in this situation more than once, and I promise you that the likelihood of it turning into more is slim to none. Sure, he may like you, be attracted to you, enjoy the sex and your company but nothing keeps a man from being with a woman he really wants to be with. You have given him access to the most precious part of yourself and why would he do more to keep that since its readily available? If you are okay with casual, which you obviously are not, then carry on. Since what you really want is a relationship then it is better to cut your ties now to save more heartache and embarassment in the future. You will deeply regret it. Best wishes.
A lot of guys like the feeling of being in a relationship, without the actual responsibilities of having a real relationship.
You (in a perfect world) should have stopped when you had feelings, brought it up and he brushed you off.
If you’re the depressive type who reads deeply into a guy sharing beer he likes with you, or tells you he misses you (the sex?) after you haven’t seen each other in awhile, you should not be trying to do FWBs because you aren’t able to do that. It’s okay. A lot of people cannot. I don’t think he’s giving you too many mixed messages, but it’s not good that he keeps seeing you knowing you have feelings for him.
He has essentially told you that he doesn’t want anything beyond fwb. It sounds like you have a close and comfortable fwb, but if that isn’t what you want, then you have to MOA. It sounds like he doesn’t want to commit to exclusivity. I doubt you can change his mind.
“You have given him access to the most precious part of yourself and why would he do more to keep that since it’s readily available?”
Gross. The vagina is not the the most precious part of a woman. Please don’t shame women for having and enjoying sex. The way to a fulfilling relationship is not to deny yourself sex if you want to be having it, it’s to find someone who also wants a relationship, and wants one with you.
