- This topic has 74 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by Kate.
AbbyMay 6, 2018 at 7:59 am #751977
Yesterday afternoon I got into a petty fight with my boyfriend. I did overreact to something petty he did, it happens often when he is forgetful or not paying attention and I got really annoyed.The fight escalated and he started yelling too loud so I told him to leave my apartment because I was worried my neighbors would complain. I didn’t want him to leave but he wouldn’t stop yelling. He left instead if calming down.
Then I called him to talk it out. He ignored me. I kept calling he kept ignoring me. I got frantic and blew up his phone. I just couldn’t stop I was going crazy I just wanted to talk to him and the fact that he ignored me hurt because I wanted to talk it out and he didn’t.
A couple hours later he texted me saying we were over and to Leave him alone. I get why it bothered him that I overreacted but for him to just not even want to talk about it and ignore me hurt so bad. I acted crazy and blew up his phone even more.
He kept ignoring me.
Later in the evening I did the ultimate crazy and went to his apartment. Him and his roommate were outside and I couldn’t get my bf to talk to me. They BOTH called me psycho and told me to leave and said I was harassing him. I pretty much caused a scene but didn’t intend to I just wanted my bf to care about me and to talk to me. He wouldn’t and they threatened to call the cops so I left with out him even talking to me.
Yes I know I am wrong for going over there and blowing up his phone I should have given him space. However the more he ignored me the more crazy I became it hurts so bad how he just ignored me and didn’t want to work it out.
I don’t know if I can redeem myself he may never talk to me again and still I just want to go over there and keep calling until he answers but I know he won’t.
I did invade his space but I know him initially leaving my apartment was him ending the relationship and I just wanted to talk at least.
At the same time at this point it’s not even about our petty fight why should I want be with someone who sees how hurt I am and yet gives no care at all?
No matter who is in the right or the wrong and even though I wish he would call me and want to work it out it may never happen.
I think I need to fix myself and learn how to control my emotions. How do I stop feeling so insane and obsessive over Him ignoring me? Has this happened to anyone else before?
I want go on with my life but I feel like him ignoring me is taking over me.
Oof. I’ve been there and it’s a terrible way to feel. You’re going to be cringing over this for a good long time as it is so do not double down and make it worse. Delete his number, block on all social media, and start looking for a therapist so you can make an appointment tomorrow. Your reaction to being ignored is not about him. Frankly your relationship sounds like it was crappy if you were often annoyed and having petty fights that had him yelling so loudly you were afraid your neighbors would call the cops. None of that adds up to a healthy relationship that warrants such an extreme reaction. If I had to guess I would say your feelings are more likely being driven by a strong fear of abandonment. This is about you, talking to him isn’t going to fix it. Talk this out with a therapist and let him go. He threatened to call the cops, there is no coming back from that.
Yeah, that’s very regrettable. Decide right now that you’ll never be like that again. That was your one psycho meltdown that you get in this life.
At this point, completely back off of contacting him. Not a peep.
“How do I stop feeling so insane and obsessive over Him ignoring me?” You do that by taking your power back and STOP reaching out.
This relationship was doomed anyway. It sounds like you’re a couple of volatile people who push each other’s buttons, and it’s just a toxic mess. I don’t think you lost anything worth saving.
You were both super dramatic over something you characterize as petty, but obviously, you more so.
How do you stop this? You learn to regulate your emotional reactions. You let your rational mind control your actions, instead of giving in to your crazy impulses.
When you feel an impulse to overreact or keep pushing for attention, stop! It is really that easy. Sit down and call a friend. Or your mom. Or take a cold shower. Take a nap. Whatever it is that can distract you and take your mind off of it. Deep breaths.
Regardless of the beginning of your fight, you told him to leave, and he did. If you get annoyed at petty crap and overreact frequently, I can see why he would not want to talk anything out with you, anymore. You need to work on yourself and see a counselor or therapist before you will be emotionally mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.JDMay 6, 2018 at 9:23 am #751982
No one owes you talking something out if that is not what they want to do. Sounds like this is a pattern and he hit his limit. We have all done embarrassing things during a break up you’ll get past the embarrassment soon enough. Sounds like you really do need to learn to manage your emotions however like you said.
You make excuses for your own bad behavior. Using the words I just wanted doesn’t excuse anything that you did. You have the idea that what you want overrides what he wants and that since you really want it he has to give in and do it. You will never have a healthy relationship if you can’t be in control of yourself.
Once he told you that he was done you were his ex and not your boyfriend and he owed you nothing and you need to respect his right to leave the relationship. He’s done. He can’t take anymore. You pushed so hard he left permanently.
You need to figure out yourself and learn to not give in to a whim or urge just because you want it, especially when it concerns another person and their wishes about how they want to be treated.
Many people need time to decompress after an argument and aren’t emotionally able to go straight back into it. Your ex seems to be one of those people. He needed some time alone to work through everything and get himself to a point where he could talk without it being an argument and you refused to give him that time. That alone makes the two of you incompatible because you seem to be unable to leave it alone for even a few minutes.BrendanMay 6, 2018 at 10:45 am #751984
What stuck out to me most was this….
“The fight escalated and he started yelling too loud so I told him to leave my apartment because I was worried my neighbors would complain. I didn’t want him to leave but he wouldn’t stop yelling. He left instead if calming down.”
I feel like most people are overlooking that this is kind of shitty on him too. That’s a lot of anger. Since you don’t really say what you were harping on him about it’s tough to say if his anger was worth it. But if he’s angry enough that you’re worried that your neighbors will get involved? You don’t need that in your life. Focus on better ways of handling similar situations in your future and forget this guy.ronMay 6, 2018 at 11:09 am #751985
You sound like a really high-maintenance load if you frequently start fights over petty things he forgets or has a lapse of paying attention to you. You also can’t stand/accept him dumping youm. That sounds like fear of being alone and extreme neediness. Making a scene outside his apartment, with his roommate present, was really stupid. Now he has a witness, probably neighbors as well, to your crazy. You should honor his wish and totally leave him alone. Either the guy also has a really short fuse, or you were really awful, because needing to threaten you with calling the police to get you to leave is serious.
It sounds like your relationship has been mostly dead prior to this last blow up. You are not a personality match. You need to work on your anger and emotional control, or there are going to be few guys who are a personality match for you. What do you expect him to tell you? You are a gf who, by your own words, frequently picks fights over petty stuff. Don’t you think that is sufficient reason for most guys to want to break up with you?
You seem another person who confuses a lot of fighting with deep passion. What you had was dysfunction. he finally realized that. There is not mystery to be solved about why he would choose to break up with you.AbbyMay 6, 2018 at 11:45 am #751986
Thanks everyone for you input
To clarify things, the fight was over something petty. Not something I should have been mad about but it happens often where he doesn’t pay attention to what’s going on i constantly have to remind him of things because he doesn’t pay attention or forgets. I got fed up and just got snippy. He didn’t like how I was talking to him which I get but I tried to explain myself and he just escalated the argument. That’s why I told him to leave thinking he could cool off and talk to me and realize it was just a stupid fight.
Our relationship has been fading and maybe it was time to end. We both had wrong doings in the relationship.
I just didn’t want it to end like this.
I do feel abandoned, he has been at my place almost every day and night and now I’m alone.
I do need to work on my issues but I’m just devastated he just chooses to drop me like I’m nothing.
I wish that I just left him alone instead of letting my emotions take over and act like a psycho.
I really just need support I feel so alone.FyodorMay 6, 2018 at 11:51 am #751987
“I feel like most people are overlooking that this is kind of shitty on him too. That’s a lot of anger. Since you don’t really say what you were harping on him about it’s tough to say if his anger was worth it. But if he’s angry enough that you’re worried that your neighbors will get involved? You don’t need that in your life. Focus on better ways of handling similar situations in your future and forget this guy.”
She didn’t say that she was worried that they would intervene. She said that she was worried that they would complain about the noise. It also doesn’t sound like he was the only one yelling.KateMay 6, 2018 at 11:55 am #751988
You’re okay. He sounds like kind of a dick and not the right guy for you. You do probably have some issues to work out on your own, but in a good relationship you wouldn’t act like that. I’ve behaved regrettably in past relationships. I screamed, I freaked out, I made scenes, I threw a vase once. Make a therapy appointment and visualize yourself moving past this. Go get a Bloody Mary.FyodorMay 6, 2018 at 11:59 am #751989
“At the same time at this point it’s not even about our petty fight why should I want be with someone who sees how hurt I am and yet gives no care at all?”
What a freaking narcissist you are. You (a) frequently started fights with him over his being forgetful and absent minded (b) threw him out of your apartment (c) harassed him endlessly by phone when he wouldn’t talk to you after you threw him out of your apartment (d) harassed him more by phone after he broke up with you (e) showed up at his apartment to demand that he, your ex, continue to date you (f) refused to leave his home.
Why should he want to be with someone who treats him this way? This isn’t just innocuous, personally-embarrassing behavior. It’s a bad way to think about and treat other people. This whole thing from starting fights over his absent mindedness to confronting him is indicative of some pretty toxic control and boundary issues. Even now you feel wronged that this person that you’ve treated so poorly isn’t valuing your own concerns over his own.