Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Idk what to do to cope with my mom and I need advice

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Idk what to do to cope with my mom and I need advice

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  • #886446 Reply

    I’m a teenager and I know I’m not as experienced as adults but that’s why I’m coming here anyways. Since I’m stuck in quarantine I’m also stuck with my mom who I’d like to say isn’t a mature or respectful person. She’s got a hair trigger temper and the smallest things or even things that aren’t necessarily bad can set of an extreme screaming temper tantrum. This happens many times every single day and no matter how I respond, even though I’m usually quiet or try to avoid a big argument she always finds a way to turn every single thing around to show how much better my sister is than me. and on top of that she will even pick fights by blatantly telling me I look overweight or that I’m a horrible person and that I haven’t succeeded anywhere in life. It seems completely impossible to reason with her because the few times I have tried to chip in a defense for myself she’s gotten physical. I really don’t want to get into legal stuff with the physical attacks and I just want to know how to cope. It seems like there’s nothing I can do to stop her arguments from getting increasingly more vicious and I can’t walk away because that too will set her off. I’m sorry this is so long and I’m sorry that it isn’t a dating question but I don’t know who else to ask about anything.

    #886450 Reply

    Hi Nat. I am so sorry for your situation. It sounds like she was already a difficult person to cope with and now with the isolation of quarantine it is much worse and you are stuck.
    I wonder if there are any relatives or friends what would understand or know how she is? If so you could email or text or call them and ask for help. Otherwise there are help lines for teenagers and kids. Not sure what the American are called,as I am Canadian,but you can Google it. There are mental health lines you can call for support during Covid and you could Google and call them about help for your situation.
    You could actually walk away,as in leave the house,taking covid health precautions and go to a walk in clinic or even a police station if there has been recent violence and ask for help . Your mother likely needs mental health support too and maybe that process can be started with your seeking of assistance. Please do not suffer in silence . Try these ideas. Good luck.

    #886475 Reply

    So sorry that you have to endure such a situation. It is striking that the roles are reversed here. Your mother has “temper tantrums”, is aggressive without any reason and criticise you all the time… just like teenagers with their parents, when they feel stuck and need to grow by realising that their parents aren’t perfect and by challenging their authority.
    My advice: keep that inversion in mind, and allow yourself to act as a teenager. You are not your mother’s guardian or therapist. You can’t do anything for her mental state, this is not your job. When she starts fighting with you, or making harsh critics, just say “OK”, or “noted”, and go on with what you were doing or go to your room. Don’t engage. Call a friend, read a book, do what you like and let her deal with her mental health – because she needs it.

    #886482 Reply

    your mother is sick. Her behavior is abusive and has no reflection on you, only her. Please reach out to any trusted adults in your life who you think could help or support you. Next time you’re in school reach out to the guidance counselor. Do what you can to become independent from your mom as soon as possible. Distance & boundaries will be good for you

    #886492 Reply

    Yes, your mother is sick. She’s abusive and mean. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Please reach out to any trusted family members, friends of the family, your school counselor, your teacher or a friend’s mom or dad. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. Tell them not only what you’re experiencing, but tell them of her mental health issues. Maybe someone can take the lead and get her some help. I hope you can find somewhere else to stay that’s safer for you. Good luck.

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