Ignoring and insults
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Please call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. There are a lot of classic signs in your posts that you were subjected to abuse. Also, the feelings of emptiness and desperation without that person are part of trauma bonding, which is a part of the abuse cycle. It’s miserable to feel that way, but please understand it is NOT a sign to return to your abuser but in fact a really clear reason not to. Please do some research on this subject and the stages of trauma bonding. I also recommend reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.
Thank you all for the advice and support. It means a lot that I can reach out somewhere.
We talked and even though I started the conversation with anger and personal hurt, he was so depressed and hurt that I couldn’t help but want to hug him. He told me how sad and angry he was I couldn’t understand him how he wanted me to, how he is horrible and fails at relationships and how he doesn’t know what to do for himself alone let alone for others. He was also hurt for me reaching out wanting more, taking more. And told me to go find someone else.
He asked me what I see in him. I reminded him what I see and told him that if I see that, it means it’s there and that it is probably because of all the pain he is in that he doesn’t see something good about himself. I told him about his worth and his rare traits.
If I was any closer to leaving, now I absolutely can’t.
But I’m sure he will continue being distant and I’ll continue feeling horrible for failing him as I very clearly did.
I don’t pity him. I admire him and love him, regardless of how things have been. I don’t see him as inferior. I see him as so much better than myself. I value him more than me. I just wish I was enough because I’m clearly not. And that I didn’t waste his time.
Everybody says it’s all his fault but everything feels like it’s all on me. If I was a bit of enough, it wouldn’t have gone like this and I wouldn’t have to lose him.
If anybody deserves help and care in this, it’s him, not me. I think we get the treatment we deserve; hence why he was cruel at times. I certainly earned it. And if anything, I am a horrible person for not leaving, for making this post, for failing him.. and generally, everything. I am the only fault in this.
Either way, thank you all for your inputs and time.
You’ve written in before, right?
Same exact story, so it’s a little odd to me if this is your first time.
Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster of never being enough because no person can fill the void in him. He has to care about himself and get real professional help, which you also need because you’re, pardon me, pathetically dependent and in an isolated situation? Do you have a full life outside of him?
His depression won’t just magically go away.
And you can’t “make” him happy, even if you were the perfect ‘woman of his dreams’ because he’s not happy, period. That’s not how it works.
Are you kidding me people get what they deserve? Children deserve abuse? Children deserve to die at elementary schools? I deserved to be what is legally considered kidnapped by my shithole ex? I was so pathetically in love with that waste of space, I dropped the charges and let him back into my life.
You have issues about how you think you are supposed to feel in love, how love feels, and I recognize them, but I’m trying not to project too much on you. Like sees like, maybe?
He is bad news, move on. He’s never going to give you want you want.
What you equate to what you’re “getting” or deserving and what pisses me off is, this is not what life is handing you. This is a consensual relationship YOU FORCEFULLY PUSH to stay in where he’s tried to break up with you, but you won’t go away. It doesn’t get better from here. He really needs help, and you really do, too.
You can tell yourself you get what you deserve and you deserve this, but you probably don’t.
I’ve dated a lot of losers and this guy reeks of loser.
You’re wasting your life away waiting for this one to appreciate you and it’ll never happen.Move on from him. I promise it’ll suck and feel so empty without him, but after you actually grow a pair of ovaries back, instead of only solely focusing on him, see a therapist, heal and get a few steps away from this, maybe you’ll think of the asshole on the internet would tried one last time to send some common sense to you via the internet.
Sorry if I’ve been harsh, I’m just so incredibly tired of seeing women sacrifice themselves for men who don’t even value them!
He’s telling you he’s got nothing to give and you’re still pressing for more. Listen to what he says he wants. You love and respect him? Respect his choices and find someone who can give you the attention and relationship you deserve and want.
This cycle is going to continue to repeat, and every time it repeats it’s going to get a little bit worse.
He’ll become distant.
You’ll blame yourself.
You’ll try to get in his good graces again to get his approval because it’s the only thing that makes you feel worthy.
He’ll do something abusive.
He’ll apologize and make you feel bad for being mad at him.Your relationship today is the best it will ever be. If that doesn’t terrify you, I don’t know what will.
