- This topic has 85 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 6 days ago by WhyDoWeExist?.
July 23, 2022 at 6:35 pm #1112605AnonymousseGuest
Like you are in a serious emergency abuse situation and if you can leave, you need to do that, not make sure you’re saving enough in your 401k at this moment in time. When you are stable, sure work on becoming financially secure.
Please get real help. That’s what you need as well as to significant distance from your family.July 23, 2022 at 7:07 pm #1112606KateKeymaster
I also… like, who cares if the other apartment complex doesn’t have stellar reviews when you are *living with a sexually abusive dad and his enabler*?? I’m sure it’s fine, just get out of that house if you actually have any intention of doing so, which I doubt. And yeah, worry about retirement later.
You’re not really moving out, are you?July 23, 2022 at 7:50 pm #1112607ronGuest
At 25 you are doing enough for your retirement and can step it up as your salary rises. If you get a temporary budget crunch, you don’t really need $500+ a month for your ‘fun’ category and can also cut back on gasoline and toiletries. Move out into the apartment you’ve chosen. You’ll be fine.July 23, 2022 at 7:54 pm #1112608TacoTuesdayGuest
Yes, I’m moving out. And the therapy was always expensive. I still had to pay a hefty co-pay which in this time of saving everything possible, wasn’t doable right now.
It’s more than stellar reviews — the place had repeated reviews of persistent pest issues, break-ins, and tenants being ripped off. Trying to find a balance in it all. I know we disagree on the actual severity of my home situation, but I’m not going to move myself from one unfortunate situation directly into another, that might be worse in a lot of ways.July 23, 2022 at 7:58 pm #1112609TacoTuesdayGuest
I think my budget is doable as well, but as I make more money, I’ll keep all your savings/retirement advice in mind. With this being my first time doing this and all, just wanted a review I wasn’t screwing myself financially in an unseen ways when I do move out.July 23, 2022 at 9:11 pm #1112610WhyDoWeExist?Guest
You are being abused. I don’t think money is what you should be worrying about. I’m sorry, I don’t know if you have some kind of Stockholm Syndrome or what. But I do find it strange.
I live on my own. I spend about about $120 on groceries every two weeks (that’s with me cooking dinner for a group of friends every Monday night) and maybe about $60 dollars on toiletries every two months. How are you coming to these numbers? Are you calculating based on your current household budget? Because if you are then your starting point is wrong. household of one is cheaper than a household of three.
As for entertainment, I spend about what you have budgeted a week during the course of the month. $6.50 a week to the local pools, $19.99 on Netflix, and $19.99 on audible. The rest goes to going out lunch every now and then, going to a movie, or paying for an Uber trip when I am going somewhere and don’t feel like worrying about transport.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand your budget. I think you either don’t know what things cost and your family is using that to manipulate you or you are spending more on entertainment what is usual; in which case I find it difficult to believe your previous posts.July 23, 2022 at 9:55 pm #1112611CopaParticipant
Your budget will be fine. A lot of what has been written here is what you’d ideally be doing. Most people can’t do what’s ideal at your age. I don’t recall the details of your past posts, though I vaguely recall what everyone else is referring to, and you should prioritize moving out and getting therapy. Therapists often offer sliding scale fees and if you have a $70K/year job with benefits, the copays should be manageable. Even if you’re trying to save aggressively/quickly, a $40 copay won’t set you back too much at all when it sounds like you currently have no rent to pay or debts owed. I’d have saved SO MUCH when I lived at home had that been my situation.July 23, 2022 at 10:17 pm #1112612ktfranParticipant
The only way $100/ week for groceries makes sense is if it includes eating out. I live in Chicago and grocery shop at Whole Foods. Prior to marriage, my weekly grocery bill was $40 to $60. Sometimes it might have been a little more if I ran out of vinegars oils.
Pre-pandemic for two and still shopping at Whole Foods it was about $60-$80. That included breakfast and lunches for me and dinners for both of us. Post-pandemic it was more like $100-$120, but that was for all meals at home for two of us.
Regardless, yes, her out of your house. And also still consider therapy. Therapy helps.July 23, 2022 at 10:39 pm #1112613CopaParticipant
I’m impressed you can spend that little at Whole Foods, @ktfran! I don’t usually shop there but live very close to one and feel like every time I do go, I leave thinking, “…what did I buy that I spent this?”
Anyway, I don’t think it’s that odd that someone who hasn’t lived away from home before doesn’t know what they’d realistically spend. I doubt I had a clue when I moved out and learned by doing it.July 24, 2022 at 4:27 am #1112614KateKeymaster
Given that you wrote a whole other post recently under another name stating that you’d been living on your own for a year and had a boyfriend, I feel like this reads like more fantasy. After-tax earnings on $41k in your state are $2900
/mo, even if nothing has been deducted for retirement or health insurance. No one spends what you mentioned on gas who’s not commuting. I think it’s great that you’re thinking about moving out, but I’m still skeptical you really are right now. You’ve been so reluctant to acknowledge how sick and dangerous your parents are, and resistant to the idea of getting help.
Definitely forget what I said about retirement, that was coming from a place of thinking you were in a secure family situation with a great financial head start and keeping the ball rolling. I also work for an investment company. You have to get out.July 24, 2022 at 7:51 am #1112615golfer.galGuest
Are there studio apartments available in your area? Are there any local homeowners with an in-law suite or over-garage apartment looking to rent it out? Also, I know you said roommates are a no-go, but would you consider one roommate if you both had your own bedroom and bathroom?
Look, I get wanting to live in a really nice place when you’re leaving a bad situation. I really get it. When I left an abusive marriage I stayed with my parents for a while, but I needed to be on my own. I rented a beautiful townhouse, and for a year paid all those bills plus half of my mortgage and bills on the home I owned with my ex while he continued to live there. Plus legal bills to get the divorce. That townhouse was my sanctuary. But it was a crazy stupid expensive year. I am fortunate that I had a lot of savings, resources, and income, and it still set me back. A lot. I’m moved in with a new partner now who is amazing, and we’re saving for some big things. But honestly the expense of that year has delayed some of those while I build up my savings again. All this to say – I don’t want to see you in a situation where, in a year, you have no choice but to go back to a horrific situation with your parents because everything had of be “just so” when you left.
Prioritize a safe, sustainable living situation that gets you out of that house asap. Even if it’s not ideal or whatever, choose what will get you out and keep you out. Also, therapy. Sacrifice some of those weekly social events to afford it. Like Kate said, more is going on here. You’ve said in the past you’re very isolated, so frankly a roommate might be a good thing. Also, why the large gas and social budget if that’s the case? Also why the fantasy about the boyfriend and having been out of the house for a year? Counseling can help with all of that. Good luckJuly 24, 2022 at 8:21 am #1112616ktfranParticipant
@copa, you’re right. It does take a while of living on your own to figure out essentials and a budget.