- This topic has 85 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 6 days ago by WhyDoWeExist?.
July 25, 2022 at 4:37 pm #1112648TacoTuesdayGuest
I’ve said no before, will keep saying it, but whew, the hell on earth I’d receive if I said what you recommended. Lodged accusations of my inexperience with all this and thus my “need” for their help, and accusations of selfishness at excluding them from this experience (“you know TONS of kids, even adult children, let their parents help out and they’re still very much adults. You know keeping people out who only want to help and can help you from walking into some shit does not make you an adult and yada, yada…”) What they say has some merit, it’s just not what I need right now. They’ve already thanked me for letting them look at furniture with me once because they “didn’t get this experience with the first kids…” Oh, lord.July 25, 2022 at 4:56 pm #1112650AnonymousseGuest
It’s funny that you’re on this site asking us, adults that have been living independently for years (some decades!) for advice and we’re giving it but you won’t take it. “the brief friends I had told me renting with roommates was bad.” That’s an excuse and a lie. I’ve met some of my best life long friends that way. I’ve also had horror stories, but none like living with your gross dad.
It’s safer to live with a roommate. You meet them first and decide. You don’t even know how to find a rental, and you’re asking us how, so why won’t you take our advice to find a female roommate and save some cash, have a nicer place, etc?
How can I know what posts of yours are lies and which are not? You’re car is in the shop? Again, what do you spend $250/month on gas on, if you don’t commute and have no friends? Just saying…your things don’t add up, and yes, we’re all very aware of the housing market right now. The rent you quoted for a 1bedroom or studio is pretty cheap rent, if you compare your market to the country but it’d be even better if you found a shared house to live in.July 25, 2022 at 4:57 pm #1112651AnonymousseGuest
You know what I have to say to your entire last post?
You give your parents the access they have to your life. You can stop anytime you like.July 25, 2022 at 5:48 pm #1112653AnonymousseGuest
You don’t need 10k to move out. You say after all expenses of a new place with last and first and everything, you’d have 10k left. That’s a crazy amount of savings, so you don’t need to save anymore or wait anymore or worry about your gas budget.
You can also afford to book a hotel and lease that apartment you want. You have nearly ten months of rent saved as a safety net.
You stay because you choose to stay, not because leaving isn’t an option.July 25, 2022 at 6:01 pm #1112654
Your car is in the shop? You didn’t budget for any car repairs though.
40% for rent is already more than recommended, but the other issue is that rents DO go up each year. I would really really recommend you do some job searching in the near future and try to find something that’s a level up. Ideally with hybrid working so you could be in an office sometimes and get to know ppl, take advantage of their heat and A/C and free food or whatever.
Do not get into the trap of justifying or explaining anything to your parents. Never invite them over, ever. Never talk about friends you make or people you date. Ever.
And please get therapy. This not affordable thing is such BS.July 25, 2022 at 6:07 pm #1112655
“Also unfortunately, my car is in the shop and time is ticking, so my parents will have to take me to the place tomorrow.”
Zillow and Trulia are real-estate websites, as far as I know, where you look up property to buy. I don’t think they are rental resources. You need to Google apartment rentals, your city.
Just keep shutting your parents down. Thank them for all they’ve done for you, but you are now moving out to live as an independent adult. That’s it.July 25, 2022 at 6:49 pm #1112656ronGuest
Lot’s of young people pay 40+% of income on rent. Housing costs are going berserk. The old standard rules have to be cast aside when rents in many places are up over 20% just this year. The key point is to move out fast, to a place she likes, to a place she feels safe. Get the landlord company’s agreement that a roommate may be added later. Too many excuses being given an offered for not making this move NOW.July 25, 2022 at 6:55 pm #1112657
I don’t know, Ron. Like in this case, yeah, get out. But for a lot of people I don’t think the answer is to just pay the high rent, not save anything, and potentially get into bad debt and/or eat rice and beans for every meal and never go out. The answer would be a roommate or multigenerational or unconventional living situation, not a single expensive apartment that could fuck over your credit. Trends are starting to show young ppl not being able to pay their cell phone and credit card bills and carrying too much debt. That’s not a good direction.July 25, 2022 at 8:06 pm #1112658LucidityGuest
You just don’t let the guilt trips get to you. Calmly say:
“Thanks, but I’ve got this.”
“Thanks, but I don’t want help.”
“Thanks, but I want to do this on my own.”
“Thanks, but it’s important to me that I do this on my own.”
“I appreciate the offer but no, thank you.”
Don’t get into justification or reasons or arguments, just let “no” be a complete sentence.July 25, 2022 at 8:47 pm #1112660AnonymousseGuest
I will say I think it would be worth going into emergency debt in this situation because her family is so deeply sick but she has so much in savings she won’t need to.
You don’t need an advice site to google things. The other stuff, you need therapy.July 26, 2022 at 9:53 am #1112676CopaParticipant
@ron It may be true that many young people do this by necessity, but LW doesn’t have to be one of them. The unit in question sounds like it’s in a luxury building based on the updates and amenities LW is describing. For many people, rent is their biggest monthly expense and I think it’d be a bad move to spend that when there are are surely other rentals out there that may not be as updated or nice, but will cost less. Or a just-as-updated studio apartment.
I had a medical emergency at 29. A ruptured appendix that led to surgery, a post-op infection, two week-long hospital stays, medical equipment stitched into me for over a month, etc. The final bill was well into the six figure range. Thankfully I had really solid insurance, an employer willing to work with me, and emergency savings. Don’t think unexpected things can’t happen to you. Saving really is important.
LW, why is it important to you that the unit be a privately owned apartment vs. a managed building? I’ve rented through both and one experience is not necessarily better than the other. Zillow is primarily for buyers. You will find some, but few, rentals on there. You should be checking sites like apartments.com, domu, and Craiglist.
If anyone is able to quickly link to LW’s previous posts, I’m kinda curious. I did briefly look yesterday on my commute home, but sounds like they weren’t under the same handle so I didn’t find it.July 26, 2022 at 10:13 am #1112678AnonymousseGuest
Her dad is the one who calls his first children bitches and hoes and who kicked him out in the cold for showing up at home past curfew, said he didn’t want them using their family towels and washcloths because he doesn’t know whose dick has been in them or something equally disturbing. And he’s publicly supporting his CSAing son who is currently imprisoned. And she is too wrapped up in it to see how sick and wrong it is. Her mom supports everything he says. Oh, and he’s been accused of sexual abuse, too, I think I remember.
And this LW has written in a bunch of times quoting her impressive savings etc but still hasn’t made a move.