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Dear Wendy

“I’m having my ex boyfriend’s baby and now my current boyfriend is leaving me”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “I’m having my ex boyfriend’s baby and now my current boyfriend is leaving me”

This topic contains 27 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by avatar MaltaKano 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 28 total)
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  • #783742 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    I found out about 6 weeks ago that I am (now currently) 29 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I have been with my current boyfriend for 6 months on September 22nd, so this is my exs baby.

    My ex, if things go how I plan for them to go, will not be in my sons life at all. He is into drugs and alcohol and has a very bad criminal record with sex abuse (this is why we broke up 2 months into the relationship). So, my current boyfriend told me we could turn our spare bedroom (we live together in a large home) into a nursery, would kiss my belly and rub/talk to it, and just seemed very supportive.

    Unfortunately, my boyfriend woke up one day and decided to tell me he couldn’t do it because he’s only 20 (soon to be 21..I turn 22 soon) and it’s going to not only effect our relationship and be “too hard” but will essentially mess up his future. Therefor, he’s letting me live there and pretend everything is fine until I find somewhere to go.

    This has been VERY hard on me. I have very low income and am now scurrying around applying for low rent and section 8, and have done everything else I can to help my son and give him what he needs. However, I’m struggling very badly to not be emotional. I cry everyday from stress and knowing I’m losing my best friend and would just like some help on what I should. Do I fight for him? Do I pretend we don’t live together or exist while I’m there? Anything helps.

    Thanks so much.

    #783748 Reply
    avatar
    JD

    If he doesn’t want to be with you then he doesn’t. You don’t need to waste your energy on him when you are about to have a child, and at 23 weeks with no prenatal care (I won’t even ask how you go that long without knowing you are pregnant) there’s a very high chance you will have a premature baby so your tome so even more limited. Focus on your living situation and income not a guy.

    #783764 Reply
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    Ale
    Member

    Like JD says, you need to focus on the important thing here which is that you don’t have the means to provide for a baby. And his father isn’t going to help. You are focusing on your boyfriend when you really should be focusing on your baby.

    #783770 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    You can’t rely on this boyfriend of a few months to save you from the enormous responsibilities you now face as a mother-to-be. Consider him out of your life, and figure out how you’re going to raise and baby alone. If you can’t, consider putting it up for adoption. But, yeah, this baby is so not the responsibility of your boyfriend and he has every right to peace out now that he’s processed the news of your pregnancy and realized just how much it would change his life.

    #783786 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    What everyone else said and I second the adoption idea. Not because you won’t love him or her, but because your life right now isn’t set up for a baby’s well being. The ex body friend absolutely shouldn’t be allowed near this innocent child. An adoption would mean the baby will be safe, loved and in a family who can afford to look after. And you can reassess your life and make better decisions for your present and future, knowing your child is fine. I’m sorry about your recent ex, but there nothing you can do to change his mind and you have bigger fish to fry than him.

    #783790 Reply
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    Ruby Tuesday

    You are in the final trimester of your unplanned pregnancy with your ex’s baby and your biggest concern is whether you can convince your 20 year old boyfriend of six months to stay with you and raise another man’s baby.

    You need to wake up and pull yourself together for your baby’s sake. I know you are scared and worried about how you are going to provide for your child, but it is unfair for you to expect a 20 year old male to give up his future to raise a child that is not his.

    #783792 Reply
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    ron

    I’m not sure how you could convince your bf that you weren’t pregnant for 23 weeks. Sort of hard to see how he didn’t notice. I imagine he’d have to decide that you had conned him deliberately. You never thought that perhaps you ought to take a home pregnancy test at any point during those almost 6 months?

    You say you’ll be with current bf 6 months, as of 23 September. That means you’ve been with him less than 4-1/2 months as of today. Six weeks ago, which presumably is when you told him you were pregnant by your ex, you had been dating your bf for only 3 months. That’s a ton of responsibility to try to dump onto a 20-year old bf of 3 months duration. Did you initially tell him the baby wasn’t his?

    #783884 Reply
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    Kay

    Hi. I’m the original poster to this. I’m not really even sure why I posted this because I clearly didn’t give enough information because y’all are some seriously rude people.

    I was on a depo shot. On birth control. I don’t have periods. I had to have a blood test done because I have cysts on my ovaries and that’s when they told me my HCG was high. My stomach was completely flat because I run 30 miles a day and have abs, thus making my muscles very tight (my DOCTOR SOMEONE WHO IS QUALIFIED IN THIS FIELD) told me this was normal and I’d expand fast, which I have. The baby is 100% healthy and has all of his necessary parts.

    Yes, I did tell my current bf IMMEDIATLY after I got the call from the hospital. For all of you saying I’m this or that because my “main concern” is my boyfriend, aren’t

    #783886 Reply
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    Kay

    Reading my post right. My son is first and foremost my main concern. I have applied for all government help and received it all, I am actively looking (and am in the process of being approved) for a 2 bedroom home and am starting school because I only need a few more credits to become a medical assistant, into a PTA. Again, you’re very confused. All I wanted was some advice on how I can focus on ME AND MY SON AND NOT CRY OR STRESS AND POTENTIALLY HURT HIM when I was assured a place to live. I completely understand why he’s leaving. Absolutely. I’m not mad at him. Rather, my heart is broken. I still have to lie next to him, have him say he loves me and kiss and hug me, and go about our normal business knowing I’m moving out and he’s leaving. I JUST WANT ADVICE ON HOW TO ACCURATELY HANDLE THIS. YALL REALLY judgmental when you don’t have the facts and aren’t in the position which has me second guessing why I wanted any random opinions anyways.

    #783889 Reply
    avatar
    Elsie

    Kay, this won’t be easy. Can your parents help temporarily? Is there another women in yor situation that you can be roommates with? You could help each other? Best of luck to you!

    #783890 Reply
    avatar
    carolann
    Member

    LW
    I don’t think anyone is trying to be mean, they are simply trying to tell you that you have bigger fish to fry and need to forget worrying about a boyfriend you barely know. Whether he is on the front burner or back burner he should be irrelevant at this point. Your plate is full.
    At 3 months you haven’t even been together long enough to live together IMO. The whole situation is screwy.
    Do you have any family or friends? I guess not or you wouldn’t be so stressed.

    I hear ya! Been pregnant without a place to go. I was living separately from my husband (He took a new job working out of town and was looking for a new place staying in hotels. A high rent area and we were having a hard time finding a place) and had to leave with no notice only weeks before I gave birth.
    (Very long story) I had to go stay in a weekly motel (with my two other kids)in a rough area (words can’t describe)until after I had my baby and we found a permanent place. I was stressed to the MAX.
    If laying next to him is so hard, can’t you go sleep somewhere else, you said it was a large house?????
    I am trying to figure out how you run 30 miles a day and how you we’re able to get housing for yourself so quickly…(I know the list for Section 8 is years long in most states) I wish you luck.

    #783901 Reply
    avatar
    Kay

    I have very supportive family and I am keeping the baby. It’s obviously going to be hard but it’s my responsibility and im making sure to do everything I can for him.

    I don’t CURRENTLY run 30 miles a day. I did before I was pregnant. I was a student athlete. I ran cross country and track. I also lift weights and swim, cross train. I’m just very fit and active. Trust me, if I could post the video of my RIGHT NOW at almost 30 weeks I’m tiny and still have abs over my baby bump. And I live in a state and a small town that they take the first 20 applications the first Thursday of every month and I’m a high priority participant. My aunt also works for HUD in the town I live in, so she’s helping me out. I’m eligible for vouchers. It’s not that I can’t completely pay for rent altogether. It’s that any help would be amazing because I don’t have the greatest job at the moment.

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