April 14, 2019 at 4:22 am #840938
I was in a relationship with someone. We weren’t our happiest and I started a new job in the city which put more of a strain on our relationship. I started talking to someone at work about it and the guy from work totally understood. He explained that he is married but him and his wife have a very different relationship. They are just friends who made a bad decision and they have a child. He is only with her for the child and if he wasn’t scared about his wife telling his child vhe il lies about him, he would leave her in a heartbeat. He doesn’t want his child to think he doesn’t care. Me and this guy started spending lots of time together as we both needed someone to talk to. I ended my relationship as it was getting worse but as soon as I did felt like I had made the wrong decision. The guy from work was treating me like a princess taking me for fancy dinners in nice restaurants, showering me with gifts, taking me everywhere and told me he wants to show me the world. He told me he has feelings for me and he wishes his situation was different. He told me I make him happy and we both enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think there isn’t a moment where we are not smiling or laughing. I told him I wanted to call things off because I couldn’t stop thinking that when we aren’t together he goes back to his own family and his own life. I don’t begrudge him for that because I understand it is for his child but at the same time I have feelings. I don’t want it to stop because I enjoy being with him and I also now have feelings for him. But he will always go home to his wife and his child. He always says his home life isn’t what it should be and that he and his wife are only together for the child. I can’t ask him to leave because he has already said he can’t, but I can’t fall for him even more and then have to call it off in 6 months time. What do I doApril 14, 2019 at 5:35 am #840943
He is married. He is cheating you you. They have a child. If he was really in it for the kid he wouldn’t be banging you on the side. He likely goes home to his wife and sleeps with her as well. End it. You are being used. Find someone single who can commit to you. This guys sad lines about his “friend wife” who he worries will “lie to his kid” is the old standby for i wanna bang on the side.April 14, 2019 at 5:45 am #840947
Call it off now. Frankly, you are so much wasting your time with this “guy” – and you are so much out of place in terms of professional interactions with co-workers. You realise that all what he says is very common talks of married men who are looking for an affair, right? Don’t buy it so naively. Unhappy couples can divorce like anybody and share custody. He just wants his cake and eat it. Respectful, loyal men don’t criticise their partner and start a relationship on the side: they address their marital problems and if it is beyond repair, they divorce. PLus, you are being bribed with fancy dinners? No!
But enough with this guy: let’s talk about you. you are facing a very common trap where you will be stuck for as long as you will believe his stories. Good for you to ask yourself the right questions. You know this is wrong, but also against your own interest. Don’t be so desperate. You entered this affair because you felt insecure and distressed. BUt you deserve better than this. Tell this guy that you can’t date a married man and you want to focus on your recovery after your breakup. YOu don’t need to be at once in a new relationship: don’t add a worse one to the bad one that you quit. Allow yourself a break, work on your self-confidence, take this affair as step you don’t want to stay in and move on. Embrace your freedom. Focus also on your WORK when you are actually at work. That is your real interest.April 14, 2019 at 9:21 am #840990
Wow. Yet *another* married man who’s “just friends” with his wife, and only staying “because of the kids” – is there an epidemic or something? A Zombie Cheating Virus? Someone needs to research this worrying phenomenon 😐April 14, 2019 at 10:57 am #841015
When someone is in a relationship, they’re are off limits. It doesn’t matter what stories he tells you about his wife and his relationship. Talk is cheap.
So yeah, leave him. Don’t be that person.April 14, 2019 at 11:39 am #841020
Dump him immediately. You are in an affair. He isn’t available. You’ll get extravagant dinners but you will never have a normal relationship that advances into a real relationship together. You will only ever be the woman on the side. He might take you on trips but he can’t take you home. That should tell you everything you need to know.April 14, 2019 at 1:59 pm #841035
What do you do? What would you want done if you were the wife and mother of his child? This isn’t a moral dilemma. There is no grey area here. Stop having an affair with a married man.April 14, 2019 at 2:46 pm #841040
One way to know his story is a pack of lies is to think about it. If they are truly friends who got married because of a baby but are just friends she wouldn’t tell the kid a pack of lies if they split up. Friends don’t do that to friends. She also wouldn’t mind if he dated and you would be able to go over to his house to pick him up if they were just friends. She’d know about you. The reason he is keeping you a secret is because he’s telling you lies. They are a married couple and he’s cheating.
Remember that the guy who will cheat with you will cheat on you and do it in the same way he is cheating on his current wife. If he was really devoted to the child he’s spend the time that he’s with you at home doing things with his child. He’s not only cheating on the wife but he’s also cheating on the child. He’s taking family time and family money to be with you.April 14, 2019 at 4:42 pm #841057
LW- you have provided a lot of rationalizations for your selfish behavior. What do you do? You MOA immediately and stop talking to him. I’m betting that his wife would give you a very different story than the one he has given you.April 14, 2019 at 4:57 pm #841060
LW, since everything is on the up and up, tell him you would love to meet his wife sometime. Since they’re just friends, she shouldn’t have a problem with you.
Oh and ask him whether his wife has a sidepiece. Since he can date you, he should be perfectly fine with her dating other men.April 15, 2019 at 3:16 pm #841151
Let me second Leahs idea. When my first wife and I initially agreed to no longer be a couple but continued to live together for the sake of our child, we were honest with potential partners about our situation. It wasn’t a secret. If that was the case as he claims, you would have met the wife already.
There might be kernels of truth in his story, but at the end of the day he is too cowardly to face is wife and wants you to remain a secret. Is that the kind of man toy want to be with?April 15, 2019 at 3:50 pm #841156
Thirding what Leah said. He already said he’s not going to leave his wife for you. Unless you’re comfortable being a side-piece forever, MOA.