Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I’m in love with my boss, who I used to sleep with

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I’m in love with my boss, who I used to sleep with

This topic contains 22 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar Fyodor 4 months ago.

Viewing 11 posts - 13 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • #837636 Reply
    Ruby Tuesday

    Depending on the size of your organization, you may want to consider going to HR to document the situation with your now boss. Without a record, you will have zero protection should there later be conflict.

    #837707 Reply

    Get busy. Stay busy.

    And I agree that you should protect your own ass in this situation, and not his. Of course he doesn’t want you to go to HR. Think about that. He has a lot to lose here.

    Redirect your thoughts when you think of him. You have your entire life to sleep with old dudes….might I suggest dating menyour own age? I am betting a new guy will be much more satisfying than being with someone who doesn’t give a shit about your feelings.

    #837708 Reply

    What can she say to HR? “Hi. When we were colleagues, we briefly dated. Oh, and it fizzled, yeah, it fizzled long before he was my boss — onlynnow I simply can’t let it go and blah blah blah”? Yeah, sure. That’ll go over just swell.

    #837710 Reply

    He should have disclosed it. He likely wouldn’t have been chosen for the promotion if his boss knew he was banging (much younger) employees. Maybe they could have given her a different supervisor etc. Things can go wrong. Everyone is friends now, but it often doesn’t go that way. It’s a liability. I didn’t explicitly tell her to go to them now, but I don’t think she should feel like she needs to protect him.

    #837711 Reply

    I somehow doubt he wasn’t previously in a position of power, or that there is no rule about coworkers fucking. Supposedly this went on for 18 months and just ended 2 months ago. If they had been dating for real, coworkers would know. That tells me it was a secret relationship, and as soon as she expressed feelings he backed off.

    #837715 Reply

    They weren’t Banging at the time. It had been over for a while. Can nobody on here fucking read?

    #837717 Reply

    “see one another here and there.“

    I took that to mean they still were banging here and there.

    “About 2 months ago he told me we couldn’t do this anymore because he would be my boss.”

    Also that seems to hint they were still fucking.

    #837719 Reply

    OMG Do not run to HR. It will run your reputation and any career advancement you hope to have at your job. If there is anything in the company handbook about not dating co-workers you will be just as much in the wrong as he was. The relationship was over *before* he became your boss. He clearly ended it with you. In fact, it sounds like once he knew he was in the running for the promotion that he cooled it off with you.

    Keep it professional. Only speak with him when he speak to you first and only speak about relevant work topics. Spend time outside of works with your friends. Explore hobbies and new things to do outside of work. Build up your life outside of work. With more interests outside of work, work will become the place you go each day that allows you to pursue you interests.

    You will get over him. It will be harder because you will see him at work but striving to keep the relationship on a purely professional will slowly help you see him as a co-worker again and not a love interest.

    Oh, and he sounds like a creepy predator to get involved with a much younger co-worker. I think you are much better off without him.


    #837728 Reply

    Thank you for the kind words many of you have said. I do my best to stay busy with friends and family, it’s just super hard when you have to see him everyday at 9am. We also have to work weekends to meet deadlines, so sometimes on Saturday too! I get that I fell hard for whomever I made him up to be, but that feeling wasn’t reciprocated. He strung me along for sometime after I told him how I felt and when you care, anything small can be interpreted into “hope”. He is in his 40s and me my 20s so maybe I was just very nieve….

    #837730 Reply

    Or was trying to let you down easy — which NEVER works, but misguided folks do it foolishly thinking they are being “kind.’

    #837748 Reply

    ” I somehow doubt he wasn’t previously in a position of power, or that there is no rule about coworkers fucking”

    ““We kept communication open for awhile would talk and see one another here and there.”

    From the way this is written it doesn’t sound like they had regular workplace contact and I don’t know that most organizations have a rule against, or disclosure requirement, for any relationship with anyone in the organization.

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