Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Im in love with my straight best friend

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  • #872044 Reply

    Hey everyone! So lately I’ve been feeling some unusual things. I finally figured out recently that I am indeed in love with my best friend. I am a gay 16 year old girl, shes straight. I told her a couple nights ago, and nothing big happened. She said if she ever “turns” gay she’ll come running to me. She’s prefect. She’s hilarious and cute. We are still best friends. She didn’t start being weird, I’m already out to everyone. But since I told her, I’ve made a couple flirty/dirty JOKES just because she knows now and its easy to joke, so it doesn’t hurt so much. The thing is, she’s been being significantly flirty with me, and returning my jokes. She said they were funny and i made a smart remark like, “They’re funny because you like them.” And she said “Idk… wyd.” What does this mean? Should I have hope or pipe down? Thanks

    #872047 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    I say pipe down. One, as far as you know, your friend is straight, so, I mean, no, she’s not romantically into you. Two, even if she weren’t straight or was unsure or interested in experimenting she’s let you know that she’s not interested in you romantically at this time; it’s not cool to hit on your friends when they’ve declined your romantic overtures. Three, even aside from all of that, laughing at your jokes and saying she likes them is, well, what friends do. Don’t read into it. If you value your friendship, you need to focus your romantic feelings on potential romantic partners and let your friends just be your friends. Most of the time, the friendships last longer anyway.

    #872083 Reply

    You need to respect people’s boundaries.

    #872101 Reply

    You will have dozens of romantic partners in your life, but best friends are so hard to come by! Especially as you get older! Don’t ruin a treasured friendship by dating her. You’re not going to marry the person you date at 16. You will most definitely break up. Keep the friendship! Date someone else

    #872103 Reply

    She’s straight. I agree that it’s pretty icky to then hit on your friend. If you want to stay friends, cut the shit. If you can’t, back off for awhile. She doesn’t want you the same way you want her.

    Think of it in a different way. Imagine a male friend insisting you’re straight. Making dirty jokes and come ons and not accepting that you are gay. Gross, right? It’s exactly the same situation.

    #872198 Reply

    She said she’ll come running to you if she ever ‘turns’, so you have to wait until she comes running. She left the ball firmly in her own hands. She did not leave an opening for you to make another try at her. You want to retain the friendship as it was and are glad an awkwardness hasn’t come into it. Pursue her again, without her running to you, and it WILL get awkward.

    #872204 Reply

    Okay some of you were pretty peeved that I’m hitting on her and I get it, I haven’t done it at all today but she has made some advances herself, which I didn’t return, because now I’m fearing the threat of our friendship ending. I know I won’t marry her but I’m not the type of person to end a relationship on bad terms, I never have. I’ve been best friends with her for about 6 Years, might I add. Not to bring up the homophobic finger pointing, but normally guys going after girls who aren’t into them don’t get this much hate. Just saying lol. Anyways, I understand and take the blame and advice with a grain of salt nonetheless. We are hanging out soon. I’m going to pick her up in approximately 5minutes in fact. Lol I had to take a short break to go get her. She’s always been touchy feely but im trying to control myself. How do I do that? Thanks in advance.

    #872206 Reply

    People in this forum are in fact extremely hard on men that don’t respect the boundaries set by women. There is no homophobia being expressed whatsoever. In fact, it appears to me that people are being more gentle with you than most. It is not cool to keep pursuing someone that has given you a gentle rebuff. And it is also not cool for your BF to be messing with your emotions and giving you hope if she is not in fact interested in you romantically.

    #872214 Reply

    I think you’re using the word “hate” a little too broadly. You asked for advice and we gave it without a whisper of homophobia.

    No one called you names.

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