Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › I’m not sure I want to be with my baby’s father
Tagged: pregnancy, relationship, single mother
- This topic has 2 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 10 months, 4 weeks ago by peggy.
I’m a 37-year-old woman, never married and never been pregnant before. I wanted to have kids but it never worked out with any of my relationships before. In January this year I started seeing a 40-year-old guy and I was sleeping with him but I was still getting to know him and wasn’t sure how I felt. After only seeing each other for two months, I got pregnant and it was an accident. We discussed it and he was happy to be a Dad and decided to keep the baby.
I know he really cares for me and loves me. He even mentioned about marriage, though he was also being pressured about it by his religious parents. We’ve been together for six months and I’ve been trying to make the relationship work but I just don’t feel like he’s the right person for me. He’s a nice guy but in terms of conversation, emotionally, common interests, I really don’t think we connect. We don’t talk much and I feel lonely in this relationship. I’ve mentioned to him how I’d like things to be different but there hasn’t really been any change.
I live in a pretty small two bedroom apartment and he lives in a three bedroom house. He has his parents living next door but his mother was rude, pushy and nosey so I don’t really like her. We agreed that I’d move in with him just before having the baby.
I’m just really not sure if I actually want to be with him. I feel lucky that he wants to be there for me and the baby but I don’t think I’m in love with him. I don’t know what to do because I have no family to help me except only my Mum and I’m not well off. He said he might not be able to get any paternity leave from his job so he’ll probably just take about a month of personal leave. I don’t want to be alone with the baby most of the time and take care of him all by myself.
What should I do?HelenGuest
21 years ago I was in your boat. Pregnant and knowing I didn’t want to be with the dad. I was a teenager and he was a deadbeat. I raised the baby on my own. I have no advice, just wanted you to know you’re not alone and raising a baby can be done on your ownpeggyGuest
Hi. I think it is possible that if he is a nice and reasonable guy, as you said, you can work this out. Tell him you like him and think he will be a good Dad, but you are “not feeling it” for a romantic relationship.
No reason the 2 of you cannot be friends and co-parent. He by law has to help support the baby anyway, I think. It would be smart to talk to a family law lawyer as well. Even if he is hurt, but reasonable, his overbearing parents may try to interfere. Do not move in with him. He can come over to your place and help with the baby at times. Hopefully you have a friend that could help as well. Good luck!