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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I’m so sick of this

Home Forums Advice & Chat I’m so sick of this

  • This topic has 17 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 1 day ago by Anonymousse.
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 18 total)
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  • #1117836 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    I try so hard, I try to achieve it in every possible way but I keep on failing again and again. How am I supposed to keep myself motivated? My parents take me on vacations and spend money, and all I feel is guilt and the fear that I might never be able to reciprocate those things or give them to my child. I want to feel motivated and nothing is helping. Each time I tell myself it’ll work out and hype myself up, I fail. It’s not really anyone’s fault except my own. Can someone tell me how to feel motivated and get my stuff on track? I have genuinely been trying but I can’t anymore.

    #1117842 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    We cannot know what you are talking about in regards to you constantly failing without more details. I mean, you’re alive, you’re surviving, you’re winning. It sounds like you’re being hard on yourself. My parents give because they have, not because they expect me to give them the same at some point? Why do you feel this way or feel they expect that from you?

    It sounds like you should speak to a counselor, trusted adult you can go for with advice or maybe a member of the church if that’s your thing.

    #1117859 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    It’s about marks to be specific. I used to be a straight a student. So the sudden change in my marks is affecting me more. No matter how hard try and what I try, I am not getting there. I am losing both, interest and spirit to pursue anything anymore. I just keep on telling myself that I am not a loser but I just can’t keep om with this. I feel like I am just not mentally strong enough for this anymore.

    #1117863 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think you’re spiraling and creating doomsday scenarios.

    First of all, straight As are not a requirement for a happy and successful life. Marks below A are not a failure. Even failing a class doesn’t make you a failure. Successful people fail all the time and pick themselves up. Demanding perfection from yourself is super unrealistic and unhealthy. You don’t have to be perfect.

    You mentioned this is a sudden change. Ok, what changed? New school? New classes? Any health issues, trouble sleeping? Depression or anxiety?

    #1117864 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Kate is on it. What has changed? Talk to your parents. Maybe the school counselor. Hire a tutor, or as Kate said, good marks don’t give you a happy life. I know teachers and a lot of parents make it seem that way- but it is not everything.

    #1117867 Reply
    peggy
    Guest

    I agree with Kate and anon. Unless your parents are pushing you to be a super achiever ( if they are you need to talk to them about your angst),this appears to be self imposed. Could stem from insecurity, feeling you need to be perfect etc. You will make yourself sick from stress if you keep pressuring yourself.
    Therapy would be a smart way to help figure all this out.
    Do what you can study wise and then let it go…life is supposed to be more fun than it sounds like you are having. Balance is the key.

    #1117868 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Life is a lot of trying, a lot of failing, some hopefully learning from those failures, only o fail better next time. Of course, it’s not all failure. You sound depressed and under a lot of pressure. Tell your parents how you’re feeling. Ask to see your doctor. You may even want to speak to your instructors. Good luck.

    #1117870 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Hard to tell how old you are, but guessing you’re in high school or college… or maybe you just made the leap from HS to college. If you’re in high school, please speak to your parents and ask to talk to your school’s guidance counselor. If you’re in college, you can still speak to your parents if you feel comfortable (I know I would’ve never), but your school should have both academic and psychological counseling services. I went to competitive schools start in HS and can remember feeling like school and grades were the end all be all. Trust me, they’re not. I have plenty of friends who made lackluster grades and went on to have successful careers. (And on the flip side, my friends who were giving themselves ulcers going for that 4.0 now have jobs they by and large dislike that also give them ulcers…) And we live in a society/world that tells us we are only as valuable as we are productive and successful. Trust me, this isn’t true.

    Motivation can be impacted by some of the mental health issues you seem to be experiencing, like anxiety and depression. So please be sure to talk to someone!

    Outside of that, understanding how you function and learn best is important (e.g., I hate lectures, I like learning by doing). I thrive off of routine and have found that if I have a solid routine, I don’t need to rely on motivation as much to accomplish my goals. Also a big fan of mini-goals as check-in points along the way to a larger goal.

    #1117880 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Sounds like anxiety/depression. Talk to your doctor and/or counselor. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Either talking to a therapist or medication can help. I’m sure your parents aren’t expecting payback from you and that you will do your best for future kids and that will be plenty good enough. You seem to feel guilt for what your parents can and do provide for you. In our very unequal society, that can be a form of survivor’s guilt. You seem very sensitive and aware, but you need to be kinder and more patient with yourself. You can’t be perfect. You can be yourself. For some reason you lately have stumbled away from yourself. That is fixable.

    #1118397 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    No, I never get results anymore so I have just lost interest in working altogether. Now I am addicted to my devices even though I don’t enjoy using them.

    #1118398 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    I am just too tired of failures. I don’t see any point in trying now. What is worse is I am addicted and distracted.

    #1118399 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    But I don’t have the right to feel depressed anymore. I could justify my depression earlier since I was trying. But now I don’t even try. I don’t have the right to be depressed. I know it sounds dumb but idk…

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