Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I’m so sick of this

Home Forums Advice & Chat I’m so sick of this

  • This topic has 17 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by Anonymousse.
Viewing 6 posts - 13 through 18 (of 18 total)
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  • #1118400 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    I will definitely try talking to a therapist but I am not sure if I wanna stress my parents anymore. My marks are too bad for me to even face them.

    #1118401 Reply
    kall
    Guest

    But what do I do after this? I tried to be patient with myself but it only made it worse. Now I am addicted to things I don’t even enjoy, things that only give momentary joy. How do I deal with this?

    #1118407 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Therapy.

    Exercise self control with your devices. It seems like you’re doing nothing, angry at yourself for it and then go back in a cycle of no progress.

    See you normal doctor and tell them about your issues.

    #1118408 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Depression is insidious. And you can sit back and do nothing, but you know doing nothing will result in … nothing.

    Trying anything is better than doing nothing I suppose. Take 10 minutes of your day and just try to meditate. Leave your phone at home and take a walk around the block with no electronics, no ear buds, no music, nothing. It doesn’t have to be some grand transformation. It’s like that saying “a journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step.”

    #1118409 Reply
    CanadaGoose
    Guest

    You can get back on solid ground but there may be a few things going on:
    1. You’re smart and have been achieving in the past because of that, not work habits. High school gets much harder about halfway through and smart kids who skated by on intelligence and did not have to put in the work needed to succeed suddenly find that isn’t enough anymore. If that’s you, the answer is to develop good study habits and put the work in. This is SO SO much easier said than done but if you want it, then you can achieve that.

    Tutoring, if you parents can afford it, has been wonderful for my teens. If they can’t, go see your teachers in study blocks or after school. Teachers love helping students who want to learn and improve. They will be really happy to help you. Cut your work up into manageable bites. Target finishing 3 math questions before dinner instead of thinking you have to finish the whole 20 by tomorrow kind of thing. The biggest thing, though, is to get out of your own way so you feel up to this. HOW?

    2. Device addiction is real. Games are designed to sprinkle dopamine awards to keep you playing. Youtube videos are short. Reddit, Imgur, Tik Tok, all that stuff trains your developing brain to have a shorter attention span. This is scientifically proven. You might connect with friends over Discord but then you’re playing again and an hour turns into 4, then it’s late, you’re tired, your homework isn’t done and you feel like a loser. Does that sound about right?

    Sometimes you have to be online to do your homework so you need to find a way to break the cycle. This will be a big challenge but you can do it. You may want to ask your parents for some help here. I am betting your parents will be happy to help you but will need to research how.

    3. Depression is real but – and I may get eaten alive for saying this – a lot of things online put such a huge focus on poor mental health that I really think kids dwell on it and make it worse – and can call things depression when it’s something else. I listen to so many teens talking about how this is bad, and that is bad and using all these clinical terms to describe themselves and their feelings and feeding off each other. That might not be you at all but if that is by chance your friend group, consider how you feel after such conversations. One of my kids stopped engaging with those conversations and has felt much better. At the same time, she stopped reading bad news where possible because she’s sensitive and it messed with her. It helped a lot. I did get her counselling too – cost the earth so therapy is not within everyone’s reach – but she doesn’t need it now. I do let her guide me and don’t discount what she says, and I am not trying to do that to you either.

    3. Consider looking for executive functioning self-help or tutoring. Sometimes getting through the day takes skills you haven’t developed yet.

    You can do this and you can get where you want to go. Not all pathways are a straight line. If you want university and don’t have the grades, well, you can go to community college and transfer, or work for a bit. There are lots of options. You have time to take your path. It will take work. You will be uncomfortable sometimes as you do that work. But, you will get there, it will get easier and you will be ok.

    #1118412 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    CanadaGoose is prob right. Smart gets you so far but you need discipline and habits, just start really small. Attainable goals. Make to do lists if that makes you feel accomplished. I seriously do that and it’s stupid but “going for a walk” is an item and it’s valid.

    I’ve only recently realized at my advanced age that good daily habits- eating well, sleeping well, exercising and being social, having a job perhaps, keeps me feeling happy and engaged with the human race, while doom scrolling is not going to make you feel worse. Social media is scientifically proven to cause depression, more and more in teens and adults, I’m sure. So maybe stop that.

    I hope you feel better soon. I’ve felt the way you do before, but I didn’t get better until I finally took a step to get better- talking to my general practitioner and getting a referral for therapy and getting on meds. I love medication- not all of them have the same crazy side affects people have been worrying about for years. But I didn’t even get to the “good daily habits” part until I got on meds. You might want to start there.
    Or talk therapy.

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