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Dear Wendy

I’m stuck

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar Logan 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #845569 Reply
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    Anonymous

    So I’ve been with my partner over 6 years now on and off. We broke up for a year at one point where we both dated other people. For myself, I started seeing someone else, it was really casual and we had a great time. I had known this guy for about 10 years and it had only just become something more than friends. Anyway last year I got back together with my current partner but remained friends with the other guy. I ended up ill over the winter for a few months last year also and we decided to buy a house and get a dog. We’ve now with each other for 18 months but in the last 6 months we’ve drifted. As I’ve continue my friendship with the other guy, we began spending time with each other again, I never cheated on my partner but I felt comfortable with the other guy. Anyway, long story short I’ve fallen in love with the other guy and everything with my partner has fallen apart. He’s become really needy recently and won’t let me do anything. I don’t want to be with him anymore but I don’t know what to do about the house and the dog. I can’t afford to move out or pay him out and neither can he. Help!!!

    #845573 Reply

    I don’t really understand what getting ill has to do with buying a house and a dog.

    Save money and get out. Are both your names on the deed? You could get a lawyer and get a payment plan worked out. You get back what you put in, or maybe less if you want to make this easy for him. Maybe you’ll sell and split the proceeds, or take the hit together.

    Who primarily takes care of the dog? I did visitation of pets with my ex for awhile. It was horrible. In retrospect, I probably should have just made a completely clean break.

    Maybe he can feel you pulling away and that’s why he’s become more needy. When you break up, you should try to be single for awhile. This sort of seems like a grass is greener case. You should take some time to figure that out. In the meantime, since you can’t afford to leave, you should start saving and stop spending time with the friend you’re in love with. That is because your bf deserves to be respected until you leave. You need to make a clean break and do it with a clear conscience.

    #845574 Reply
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    Kate

    Yeah, you need to break up with your partner and move out. I don’t know what agreement you had when you bought the house or how much money you put into it. You could do a consultation with a lawyer, or just decide to eat the money, consider it rent or whatever. Sometimes we make mistakes that have financial consequences. If you’re broke, probably let him keep the dog. Dogs can be really expensive, and they also need stability, which maybe isn’t your thing right now.

    #845599 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    You’re not stuck. It’s going to be complicated to untangle the situation with the house, but not impossible. Since neither of you can afford the house on your own, you’ll have to sell it and divide up the proceeds, if there are any. Get the paperwork together and figure out what stake each of you has in the house. Did you each put the same amount of money down? Are you each paying an equal share of the mortgage, property taxes, any improvements that were done to the house or property?

    Even if the two of you can be amicable about dividing the proceeds, I’d still recommend getting a lawyer to advise you and help with the paperwork. There are a lot of possible pitfalls when you buy real estate with someone you’re not married to, so the cost of the lawyer is worth it.

    As for the dog…well, if neither of you can afford to keep it, do you have a friend or family member who can give it a loving home? If not, there are rescue groups and no-kill shelters who might be able to help you out.

    #845619 Reply
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    Logan

    Messed up buying a house with him before marriage, I don’t know why people think this is a good idea especially if they can’t afford to move out. It’s going to be really messy for you from here on out. Lawyers are not going to be cheap either, so now you have to juggle saving money to move out and keep paying your half of the mortgage and pay rent for a place to live unless your new bf is going to take you in rent free. You can tell your ex to be to give you your portion that you have invested already now or when sold if he can’t afford to pay now, or half the of house value when sold if you continue to pay half the mortgage. He will most likely have to sell if he can’t afford to live there by himself. It ain’t going to be easy for you, your life is going to be hell bent for a while now, good luck and let this be a lesson learned through experience, you do not invest in property with a BF that you are in and on off relationship especially if you are still having a relationship with the ex, most people always go running back to the ex that they are maintaining a relationship with when their current one is going to shit. I feel like you might have also cheated on your current bf emotionally and then probably physically if you haven’t kissed or slept with this other guy while still with your current bf because you haven’t told him is over which you can’t because you are living with him cause you have no where to go and have no money, almost like using him ehh?…

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