Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

In a relationship with an avoidant

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarron.
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  • #962678 Reply

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. He is a really great guy, smart, funny, independent. I enjoyed a lot my relationship with him.

    But things changed in the last month or two and I just don’t know what to understand from his behaviour. He started being more avoidant, saying that he needs more time to himself, not making any plans to see me over the weekend and spending time just with his friends. He will text me all day and continue to be in contact, but the affection has somewhat slowed down.

    I do really think that he genuinely cares about me, but I don’t know how to navigate the recent coldness. Any advice?

    P.S: I am not a native speaker, so please excuse my English

    #962694 Reply

    Talk to him about the changes and ask him what he wants. Communication is really important in a relationship. Only he can tell you what his changed behavior means.

    #962706 Reply

    Yes, have a conversation. I wouldn’t continue the texts all day and hear at the same time “I care for you but don’t want to see you so much”. Slow down the replies to his texts (once a day) and be busier yourself. Be more independent and confident, don’t rely on him, have your own week-end’s plans with your own friends.

    You say that he is independent/avoidant. Perhaps he reacts to the relationship getting deeper, and to you being on the contrary more invested? Or perhaps he loses interest. Anyway, you don’t have to meet him every week-end, but he shouldn’t let you up in the air either. Don’t let that situation last like this. Talk to him, and be aware that it might lead to a breakup. You don’t want to date an avoidant, right? Perhaps the relationship has just run its course.

    #962709 Reply

    Sounds like he is trying to gradually end the relationship, without actually formally breaking up.

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