In despair

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  • Kate
    April 11, 2024 at 3:34 pm #1128810

    About 10 years ago, I met a man at work. I liked him a lot but I did not say anything because I am shy and without confidence. He approached me, we started going out, he was very friendly and caring for me but nothing happened. After about a year, due to an incident, I told him that I liked him and he told me that he likes me, too, but in a different way because he is gay. I got sad but after a few months I realized that I cannot hope for something to happen so I started seeing him as a friend. That was much better. I had a very close friend and as the years went by I considered him as a family.
    After about 2-3 years he started dating a man. I met him, I invited lots of times in my house, we spent time together but I did not like him a lot. He was a good guy but immature and we did not have much in common. I tried a lot to see him differently but in vain. Mu friend wanted us the 3 to be together almost all the time. I felt pressed so I to,d him that I did not feel well with this situation and that I would prefer to be together, go out, enjoy etc but not so often. My friend got mad and left for 2 years, until he broke up and came back. He told me that I was right and asked me out again. I was hesitant at first but we had so many in common and spent good time so I started being friends with him again.
    We were happy and enjoyed ourselves but about 1,5 years ago, he met a man and from the first time he wanted us to go out together etc. I told him that I did not want to meet him because I did not want to quarrel if I did not like his partner (besides I knew some things about him and I was afraid we couldn’t be together). My friend started going away for a second time fir almost the same reason. I tried to talk to him and to,d me that he could not be friends with me if I did not want to meet his partner …and he knew him only a month and via a distant relationship. I got really sad and bitter but I managed to move on. We are in the same work. We are not friends and I have accepted that but now he decided to move in at how partner’s house in another town.Althoug I do not want to be friends with him I do not want him to leave… why do I feel this way? I feel betrayed and disappointed, I do not want to be friends ever again but I feel sad that he leaves

    April 12, 2024 at 8:04 am #1128817

    You should try dating men who are interested in you sexually, and you should look for friends elsewhere.

    April 12, 2024 at 11:41 am #1128818

    You’re sad because when he leaves, you don’t know if he’ll be back. He goes, he comes back, he goes again. He might not come back this time. That’s why you’re sad.

    This relationship is very unhealthy, both in you wanting to be with someone who only wants to be friends and in that he never wants to be alone with you if he’s in a relationship. Allow yourself a moment to grieve and then move on.

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    April 13, 2024 at 4:59 pm #1128825

    I couldn’t quite follow this, but it hurt because this is someone you care about and had feelings for(?). Maybe you never dated, but friend break-ups can have an impact, too. It’s okay to feel sad about a loss. You can grieve it and move on. Date people who are straight. If friendships start feeling unhealthy or toxic, or simply not rewarding for you in some way, it’s okay to let them go.

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In despair

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