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In-laws not following covid restrictions and about to start providing childcare

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  • #1009370 Reply

    To @Brise’s point, I don’t think @Lucidity should call family members and dictate the terms of visits. People have a right to choose what risks they are willing to take. You gather the information and make the best decision for you. I do think it sucks that the grandparents were trying to hide the risks that they decided to take, meaning Lucidity and her husband didn’t have all the facts. That’s crappy. At least be honest!

    summed everything up really nicely.

    #1009374 Reply

    Shutting down does work, we have the proof of it here. Is it ever going to work in America or potentially Canada though? Not when you have so many people who think being considerate of others is an affront to their god given rights or something.

    #1009375 Reply

    I agree shutting down works, obviously. All of these preventative measure, wearing masks, socially distancing, limiting your time outside your home, work. The US has been a dumpster fire, obv, Lucidity is very fortunate she lived in a country that took this seriously from the get.

    The question is – what can you force others to do? The answer is, at a certain point, very little. Again, Lucidity lives in a nation that has already taken a much stronger line on controlling people’s behaviors, and we can easily see that’s been a much better approach.

    But even in Canada, there are limits to what the government, much less she, can do to make people like her in-laws play by the rules. Her in-laws are individuals that have access to all the same information she does, that we all do. With that information, they’ve made the decision to play it risker than Lucidity would prefer, that the government would prefer.

    There’s nothing now that Lucidity, or her husband, or the government, can do to change that. No magic bullet or perfectly worded concern that will change their minds. All Lucidity can control is how her household reacts. Maybe that means grandma and grandpa aren’t going to be doing childcare.

    There’s a consequence for amount of risk they decided they were willing to tolerate.

    This isn’t a question of what they *should* be doing, that’s indisputable. It’s a question of what can they be compelled to do? And for Lucidity unfortunately, the answer is, very little.

    #1009376 Reply

    It hasn’t worked at all here in LA. It just hasn’t. Maybe because the shutdowns were always too feeble and weak? And toothless. Still, we don’t even have outdoor dining. Haven’t for months. And nothing has seemingly helped. Nothing.

    1 in 3 have or have had Covid.

    All our restrictions have seemingly done successfully is destroy the city. Everything is closing. Or long closed. Permanently. Tent cities are EVERYWHERE. Almost everytime I go outside I wind up jaywalking midblock to avoid people literally screaming at phantoms that exist only in their mind. It’s… disturbing.

    Everything is just… gone. I don’t see how it all comes back either. Things are bleaker than I ever could have imagined.

    #1009377 Reply

    I went through something similar with my own mother.

    She survived cancer a few years ago, she’s 70+, so super high risk for a poor outcome.

    But, since having gone through cancer, she’s been struggling pretty hard with anxiety and depression, well before COVID came around. Not seeing people made her suicidal. She lives in another state by herself, so it’s not like we could create a family bubble. She was in a pretty rough way there in the early months of the pandemic.

    She eventually made the decision that f it, she needed some amount of human contact. She had stared down mortality already with cancer, what was more important to her than living a long life was living a good one. Which for her, being isolated and suicidal was not that.

    She’s done her best to mitigate the risks for others – if socializing is her “essential activity” she’s cut down all other activities- everything became curbside pickup, she hasn’t gone inside a public indoor space since the beginning. She’s kept a relatively small circle of people she’ll see and will only get together one-on-one, but it’s not an entirely closed bubble. Whenever possible, she’d meet people outside. But she lives in Alaska, the weather hasn’t always permitted that.

    At first, I was aghast. But, she fully understood what the risks were, and felt this was worth it. And who was I, someone generally healthy with more potential life ahead of me, to tell her she was making the wrong choice for herself and whatever time she has left?

    Thankfully, she never got sick, I don’t think any of her friends got sick, and she literally *just* got her second Pfizer shot last Friday.

    #1009379 Reply

    I’m guessing you are in Ontario with the Boxing Day “lockdown”. I’m in Ontario too and I’m glad the numbers are coming down but we are still in the clear.

    I’m sorry. This is tough. I don’t think you can stop your in laws from seeing their kids and other grand kids. Your BIL and SIL — they are your husband’s siblings? Can he ask them to wear masks? I just couldn’t even think of eating lunch with my parents right now. Are your BIL and SIL mainly working from home? All we can do is hope. The risk is still low, compared to the States. It’s the best you can do, I think.

    #1009383 Reply

    I think you have to accept that they are lying to you and are putting themselves at risk. You can’t control what other people choose to do, however recklessly they behave. It’s unfortunate that they aren’t taking things more seriously, and aren’t being honest about it. It’s a really tough situation.

    I would definitely encourage you to find alternative care in case they do end up sick, like probably more than one or two options. Maybe you’d feel better supplying masks and sanitizer and taking their temp when they show up. I don’t know what the answer is.

    I also would not just assume your baby would not be at risk. That’s not true. Recent research is showing children who didn’t even exhibit symptoms, but had the virus have a bio marker consistent with blood vessel damage. The full risks of the virus are just not fully known. You have to weigh the risks for your self and make the best choice you are able to. I feel for you. You’re in an impossibly difficult situation.

    #1009385 Reply

    Above all else, I think you should ask them to level with you.

    Where are that at with their risk tolerance? What are they doing? What measures, if any, are they taking, to mitigate risk?

    If they are willing to take on higher risks for themselves, fine, you can’t stop that, and they, like my mother, may have thought this through and decided this is the right choice for themselves, regardless of who may disagree.

    But, you deserve the same ability to make your own choices about how much risk you want to take on, and do to that, you need to have clear information.

    Insist they level with you, without the guilting or education that clearly doesn’t work for them.

    #1009393 Reply

    How are they able to care for your child if they live in another region where cases are higher?
    Would they be at your home, with your husband at home working remotely?

    I’m not sure another conversation is going to mend fences or somehow make them be honest.

    And to spiral further down this rabbit hole- can you trust them to be honest with you about your child? Do you still trust them after all this?

    #1009398 Reply
    Miss MJ

    Yet another shitty situation brought to you by COVID. I do agree that you can’t control what others do, but I am continuously shocked by the fact that people will just outright lie to their loved ones about risks they’ve been taking, seemingly uncaring as to whether they expose them to this potentially fatal illness.

    #1009452 Reply

    I honestly remain amused that everybody remains so outraged at the grandparents. But really? The big risk of exposure here will be the three days at the office LW.

    That’s just science, people.

    I’ve had to quarantine twice now. (Fun, fun. Fun!) For a glamorous total of 28 days! And both times it was due to exposure at work. PS — And I have only worked seven days since March.

    Seven days. Seven measly days.
    Sixty some hours.
    Two exposures.

    Do the math.

    #1009455 Reply

    In all fairness, BGM, we don’t know Lucidity’s work situation. I have to come in to work 1.5 days a week, every week since last March, and have had zero exposures here. That’s because we have strict screening, sanitizing, masking, and distancing protocols in place. We are also offered free weekly asymptomatic covid testing. I haven’t spent 15 minutes within 6 feet of another person at work since last March, and I feel much safer at work than I would at, say, the grocery store (I haven’t been inside a grocery store since last April). So it’s certainly possible that Lucidity’s work environment is relatively safe. Also very possible it’s not, but just putting that out there!

    Lucidity, I’m sorry you’re in this position. Definitely ask them to wear a mask – the more they do it, the less the risk. Also reduce your risk of exposure elsewhere as much as possible. It’s all about risk management at this point. Hopefully they, and you, can be vaccinated soon!

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