Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

In Love With My Boss

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  • This topic has 7 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarbrise.
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  • #872261 Reply

    If a married woman says she’s in love with her married boss, yes, the first advice to give is to find another job. I have been at my job for 15 years, and my job and my co-workers are very important to me. Going for another job would make me feel like a fish out of water. I have also been in love with him for most of these past 15 years. He has some idea of something going on, I think, but I have never told him how intense my feelings are for him. He might have feelings for me, I’ve gotten that impression over the years, but he will never say so, no matter what. Sometimes I’m tempted just to get it out of my system and tell him, just to let it out and perhaps get some closure. But then I’m afraid to, and I’m terrified that if I leave my job, I will feel totally empty. So I go from day to day, unhappy in life, with my heart broken because it will never be. I wish there was something that can ease my pain.

    #872291 Reply

    15 years? Therapy. Spending a decade and a half in a state of unrequited infatuation with someone you have a *business relationship* with is unhealthy and damaging for both you and your marriage.

    #872399 Reply

    No, you will “feel empty” pining after a guy who does not want you and is your boss. You are in love with a fantasy b/c you don’t even really know the guy. Get a new job and focus on reality.

    #872401 Reply

    You don’t mention losing your marriage as a possible negativity at all.

    First step, therapy.
    Second step, divorce.

    #872412 Reply

    Under no circumstances should you tell your boss you are infatuated with him. How incredibly sad for both you and your husband that this has been your life for almost 2 decades. Please start therapy, and absolutely look for another position. Or at the very least resolve to move to a different department. It is extremely unlikely your boss has feelings for you. You should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago. Practice mindful thinking, actively shut down romantic thoughts about your boss, stop looking for signs of reciprocation that aren’t there, and rededicate yourself to your marriage (if it can even be saved at this point). Therapy, stat.

    #872427 Reply

    Therapy. Why do you settle for this shit? Aim higher with your own life.

    #872492 Reply

    Treat it as the same kind of admiration you would have for any authority figure. You seem too much invested in your work – not in a personal ambition way, more in a subordinate way – and not enough in your marriage, or in your own private life. Have a life and smile at yourself when you start fantasising about your boss. And yes, perhaps you could give a new turn to your work life and start something new that would be a step forward in your career, instead of wasting your time idealising your boss.

    #872493 Reply

    And of course, don’t say a word about your “feelings” to your boss. If you want to discredit yourself, this would be the highway. Don’t!

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